Getting ready for Florida

I'm getting ready for Florida -- washing laundry and such. Cars ready to go, oil changed, fluids filled, all lights in working order (Thanks, Kyle!). Tomorrow, I'm dropping my cats off at Erin & Matt's. That makes me sad. Jack's sitting here next to me purring. And they'll struggle and wail the whole way there, and it's not like I want to leave them! But I know Erin and Matt will love on them even more than I do (right?) and they'll be well taken care of. I'll just miss them. Fucking emotional crutches.

So tomorrow I just need to drop them off and pack clothes and I'm ready to go. I hope it goes well. My family is already bitching that I'm driving myself and not sleeping in Birmingham Friday night. It usually gets a lot better once we're there -- I hope thats true this time too.

Crape Myrtle

I've had this crape myrtle for at least three years and this is the first time it has ever graced me with a bloom. I'm psyched that they opened before we left for Florida. I just knew I'd miss it when they finally opened.

I would expect some sense of accomplishment being three years in the making -- but there isn't any. I'm kinda disappointed with it. Maybe it's all the caterpillar holes and the weird white fungus on the leaves. Or maybe it's the horrible asymmetry it has this year.

At least I know what color it is now. And there's always next year.

Kyle is the shit.

Kyle is fixing my car. It looks painful.

Update: He worked on my car for 5 hours -- most of it spent in this position. Ouch. I asked him why he was doing all this for me and his response was "because [I] asked."

He ended up truly being the shit. He unwired an after market cruise control, fixed my brake light switch and took some wiring out of the trunk where something had been spliced in. The cruise control thing took a lot more effort than it sounds like. And he did it all winging it. I was impressed. Kyle's got lot-o-skills. And drum roll, please...

Everything works! It's all back to normal and working like it should. Nice, eh?

Great example of Jack 'hiding' - now where could he be...

I just lay down on the other side of the bed and now hes purring and pawing at my ribs.


Did I ever mention that I gave the cats baths two weeks ago? I did. It went well considering they haven't had one in nearly a year. And I've gotten back to being good and cleaning my house every weekend. I'm not sure if this is a sign my depression is clearing, that I've been putting forth more effort, or just that my house has been exceptionally dirty. Take your pick.

This weekend is a long weekend so I cleaned on Thursday night. So now I can relax and not have it on my back all weekend. Nice! And since Kyle is going to be fixing my brake lights Sunday, I figure the least I can do is get all the junk out of the car. So yesterday I cleaned out the car, aired up the tires, and bought a spiffy steering wheel cover to beef it up (The civic has a very skinny and slick steering wheel, I like thicker and once that won't slip if I have lotion on). Then I felt so good about it, I took it to the car wash and paid to have it washed, vacuumed and cleaned inside and out. Then I put and air freshener in it.

Holy shit, I forgot how nice it is to have a clean car. The radio still doesn't work (need the code since the battery died) but it's all clean! And next week is Florida. I'm not psyched about the family drama so I'm more stressed about it than psyched -- but I've decided that I'm driving myself. I'm not sitting in a car with someone for 6 hours to listen to them eat chips when I'm already stressed. Fuck it, I'm taking my own car. Especially now that it's clean.

So clean cats, clean house, clean car. Surrounded by clean! Makes me happy.

"Cause there's a monster living under my bed whispering in my ear..."

Jack has the ability to infuriate me some days and then make me laugh or endlessly amuse me on others. I had a horrible day today. Im glad hes going with the latter.

(Yes he got under the blanket himself and started trying to "catch" my hands. He does that sometimes. It's adorable. Sometimes my favorite part is that I can walk past the bed and he thinks I don't see the giant bump under the covers... or maybe he knows I can see him and can't resist playing along.)

I survived another Monday!

I survived another Monday. I'm impressed with myself. And it's a short week so should be a pretty OK week.

I guess I have two things to "confess."

1. It's no secret that I've let my weight slip. I've gained some weight back. Yes, I have the medical tyroid excuse (no, I'm still not OK - seeing the doc again tomorrow though) -- but who gives a shit? I went through hell to lose that damn weight and I'm not gonna get all fat again. So even though my medical problems are still far from under control. I call a halt to this weight gain bullshit.

This weekend I tossed every single thing in my refrigerator and freezer out. I put everything that was in the cabinets in a high cabinet I don't use because I can't just toss out canned and boxed foods -- I'll take those to a local food bank. Why did I do this? I'm going low-carb (which for the first two weeks is no carb). Atkins, South Beach -- call it what you want. I've compared the various low carb diets and they're mostly the same. And I'll be doing it under doctor supervision -- tomorrow we're even doing massive blood work to make sure my anemia is under control and get a baseline for my vitamin levels. So no worries, I'm not going unhealthy to do a diet.

I started Saturday. Sunday was the worst day as I'd have killed for some mac & cheese. But today was better. I've prepared breakfast omlets to heat up and eat at work. And I've been making extra dinner to set aside for next days lunch.

After I cleaned out the kitchen, I hit up the store and spent $150 stocking up on stuff I can eat on the new diet. I also stocked up on Tupperware containers for setting aside meals (like the work omlets) and bought some kitchen stuff like flexible cutting boards.

Why am I telling you this? I'm scared to death. I haven't done a diet in years. And when I did them before, my depression would get horrible. Plus what if I can't get the weight I've gained back off? I'm simply terrified. So I need support and prayers. I can do this. I just... have to.

2. I've also let my depression and anxiety slip. For a while (a few months) I've just slipped a little bit more towards depression every week. It's been a slow decline, but I allowed it to get worse than I should. I saw my psychiatrist on Friday and she added a new med to my pile. She told me to try it in the morning at first because for most people its a bit of an upper like caffine. BULL SHIT.

I think I slept from Friday to Sunday. I know I didn't -- but my lord. I think I just stared at the wall for most of it. And I already want to sleep life away when I'm depressed. I don't need any help. So Sunday and today I've taken it at night instead (she said I could do this) and thats helped. It'll get better -- I was the same way when I started Prozac.

Even just Sunday not taking it in the morning helped. I had enough about me to really get down and dirty and clean my house. Those bullshitters on TV always say a clean house leads to a clean mind and body. And you have to think you deserve better to give yourself (ie eat) better. So there, I cleaned up - a lot.

So I'd appreciate support and prayers as I work to lose the weight I've gained and to get out of the black hole of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and STRESS.

Harry Potter!

Traffic court sucked as much ass as i expected. Didn't have time to finish dinner cause now im at the theater to see Harry Potter! Not psyched that its 2.5 hours, but still super excited.


Note: Believe it or not, I was working when I arranged, took and sent this. I spent most of the day configuring and testing software on ruggedized laptops (you can look them up -- military uses them). Unfortunately it gets boring sometimes -- especially during the automated parts. At least I didn't start posing the star trek figures. I thought about it.

Bits & Pieces

~~~~~~~ Bit ~~~~~~~

I went to the Huntsville court house to take care of my tickets. Recap: I got a ticket for driving 61 on the parkway AKA speeding. I also got a second ticket for having an insurance card that expired last month -- or as the cop put it "being uninsured." (Link goes to post about it.) Everyone (including the cop) told me to take the new insurance card to the court house and they'd remove the second ticket. This is so not true.

As the cheerful (sarcasm) lady at the court house told me, not having insurance is a mandatory court appearance. I have to be in court no matter what -- no getting out of it. I asked her if they'd drop it since I was insured and just didn't have the newest card with me. (As I explain to the officer, I share insurance with my mom and the new cards were mailed to her. The numbers and everything were still the same, but he wouldn't even look at the expired card. I had the new card with me when I went to the court house) She told me to explain that to the judge and it would be up to him but not likely. AWESOME.

Also, the only driving class available (for the speeding ticket) is smack in the middle of my trip to Florida. She said I could ask the judge for an extension when I see him. I asked for a pen so I could make a note to remind myself and she wouldn't give me one. She went off on a huge rant about how I couldn't go in there and tell the Judge that "SHE said this and that." So yeah, she was pleasant. She did tell me I needed to be there for my 5:00 court time by 3:00 because I'd be in line behind at least 100 people. Gee, I bet the Judge will be REALLY cheerful. AND I get to miss work to be there! Awesome!

~~~~~~~ Piece ~~~~~~~

I finally fell to peer pressure and signed up for Facebook. It's oddly addicting - as is the "Farm Town" game. "Farm Town" is very reminiscent of the old school "Sim City." I recommend it. I've been wasting a lot of time on my farm. A lot.

I will say this about Facebook: I do not like the merging of worlds. I will not be using it nearly as much or in nearly the same capacity as I use this blog. I've got my family as friends. I've got my non-work friends as friends. I've got my work-friends as friends. I've got coworkers as friends. I've got exes as friends. I've got people I haven't seen since high school as friends. Some of these groups (the latter ones) I do not care about. Others though, for instance coworkers vs friends vs family, are very different worlds that I don't like being so close. For instance, this blog shall not be linked to that facebook account because I don't want family and coworkers to read it. I have to be careful about what I say on there. It's weird.

Here's an example: I'm loving this "flair" application on Facebook. You collect buttons which are "flair." This is from the movie "Office Space" though I doubt 99% of the users realize this. Anyway, I sent my SIL a piece of flair with Kronk from "The Emperor's New Groove" with the quote from his little devil that says "I'm gonna lead you down the path that rocks!" -- a quote from the movie. (Link goes to youtube clip.) She took offense and made a public post to send it back to me because she didn't approve. WTF?

~~~~~~~ Piece ~~~~~~~

Yearly family trip to Florida is next month. I've really been looking forward to it as it was just gonna be me, mom and one of my sisters. Since it would be such a small group, it would actually be a nice relaxing vacation. I've ben very much looking forward to this. Which is good since the past few years I've dreaded it.

Now I find out that EVERYONES going. Including a part of the family which I feel should not go as they've wronged my mother recently (its moms time share), take up the entire condo, can afford to get a room of their own for the week, and IMO aren't welcome. Then again, I'm the bitch of the family so what do I know. If they even read this there would be massive blowouts and I'd be guilted and made to feel like I should just go kill my family-hating self.

So basically, it went from nice relaxing week on the beach, to old-school family vacation. Ugh.

And the civic needs a good tune up if its going to drive down there and now that I have TWO tickets to pay (see the first bit of this post), I probably can't afford to get it done. Which means riding WITH someone. Which means being jammed in a car for 6 hours -- getting sea sick from riding in the back and listening to people eating crunchy road snacks. This sounds like my nightmares.

Also, I feel immensely guilty for even feeling this way about the family vacation.

Lounge Hog

My balcony plants are doing great. The cats would spend all day on the lounge chair if id let them.

Also, this little bastard woke me up this morning. Just this week I was commenting (I think to Beth?) how glad I was that my pets didn't wake me up early. I jinxed myself. This morning Jack started walking all over me (13lbs on tiny feet) and wailing at my face. Then when I still didn't get up, he got under the covers and bit my ankle. WTF, Jack?


Bought myself some Gerber Daisies - they're so cute!

Bigger is better?

I listen to my ipod pretty much all day at work (ice chompers). I listen to my earbuds at max volume hoping for some ear damage but it just isn't working out. Nathan suggested noise canceling headphones. Genius! Maybe people will also realize im listening to music and cant hear them now... Double bonus!

Glow Power!

Glow bracelets make everything better.

Greasy Burgers

I haven't really left my house this week for anything other than work. I've been pretty depressed. I just want to not deal with people and sleep. In fact every lunch break this week, I came home and slept or sat on the couch. And today I had off -- I just stayed in bed all day. And honestly, I haven't had a shower since Wednesday night.

Yeah, I'm kinda depressed about Justin leaving (he moved to LA). Especially because I'm pretty sure I care a hell of a lot more than he does -- which kinda makes it a lot worse.

So Beth and Erin and I are going to go get greasy burgers. And being that I haven't had a shower or shaved and am not publicly presentable, we're not going until 8:00. I have good friends. I'd still rather be in bed but whatever. I know that, rationally, I should get out of my apartment.

Remind me to tell you about my nightmares last night. Two words: killer octopuses.

I have no compass, no carpenters square, no ruler and I'm fucking pissed.

I have no compass, no carpenters square, no ruler and I'm fucking pissed. Why don't I have any of this shit? You'd think as a stained glass artist I'd have the equipment to make some simple fucking geometric angles -- but no, apparently not. God that pisses me off. I need a fucking hexagon. If I had a compass and a straightedge at least I could wing out the pattern (without a ruler, I couldn't really get an exact size but hey, thats all relative). But I do not have a compass.

I could make a compass.

Or I could trace a hexagon off the computer onto a piece of glass and cut it out. Am I too OCD for that though?

More importantly, how did I lose a fucking carpenters square?

I tell you what, I have had a shitty ass week -- I mean REALLY fucking shitty. And I'm finally done with the work week (yay for holidays) so I decide to make a simple fucking candle holder and I don't have the shit I need. And I don't want to improvise, I want a fucking mathematically perfect candle holder or I will not like it.


I'll trace one off the computer.


Bought a compass.

Powered by Blogger

eXTReMe Tracker