Current Mood: Sad

Justin, the sexy new boyfriend (technically we mutually decided to downgrade to just dating last week -- long unimportant story -- was mutual, actually made dating more fun) is leaving. He just moved here from Seattle and hasn't been able to make it work. So hes moving again to return to the West Coast.

I know this is whats best for him. In fact, I have more than once told him he should do it. He's not happy here and he's had a shitty life -- he deserves to be happy. And if there's anything I've learned -- any motto I have, its "go for the happy." I do this in my own life -- in big things and in small, if something will make you happy, and you can make that happen -- go for the happy. For instance I usually take the long way to work so I can drive past the goats and donkey. This is a stupid small inconvenience to my morning, but seeing them makes me a little happy. Thats what I mean when I say "go for the happy."

This is Justin going for the happy. And I'm glad that hes pursuing a dream, and I admire him for it.

I have to admit that selfishly though, I am saddened by this. We get along so well. I've never liked someone so much. No, I'm not in love -- what I mean is LIKE. I genuinely like being around him. He's spent entire weekends at my house and I never once had the thought to want him to go home. There's not another human on the planet that I have that with. And no one - no male, no female, no friend, no lover, no family has ever made me feel as great as he does. He's sweet and he treats me like a sexy princess. In the very short time I've known him, he's broken through all my barriers and self consciousness and I can just be with him without being self conscious at all. It's wonderful. And not only am I not self conscious with him, but I fell damn sexy and like the most awesome person on the planet. I know this is all so selfish, but I fear I will never find that in another human being. I've never even had a glimpse of it before him.

And I see what we could have become. And he sees it too. We fit together so well. So I mourn not only what we have, but the path that we were on. This weekend he'll be gone. He'll be on the other side of the country never to return.

This would be a good time to remember that God has a plan for us all and that there is someone out there for me. But man that always just sounds so cliche at times like these. I shall endeavor to not be sad this week and make the most of our last week together. I'm glad I got to know him. He's taught me so much about myself, and that's invaluable. I know God had a reason to put him in my life -- even if the time has been so brief.

Justin, I wish you all the best and all the happiness you can find. I respect and admire your fearless pursuit of your dreams. And I can't thank you enough for our time together and how you've made me feel. Thank You.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Karen. This is Becca, Justin's friend. He sent me the link to your blog and I just wanted to tell you that I think you are a great writer! I enjoy reading your blogs. It sucks that he's leaving but it's awesome that you are being so great and understanding about it. He needs that.

11:38 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Well, were I a better person, I wouldn't let him know how sad it makes me ;) God its really fucking depressing though. Usually work sucks enough -- but I keep hearing all these sad songs on my iPod and I just get fucking depressed (Justin, you didn't read that). See, I'm a bad girlfriend/dater.

But thank you for the compliment! I typically think of my self as a pretty shit writer (hence the lack of readership other than friends). Perhaps if I went back and edited for typos I'd feel better about it LOL

Thanks for stopping by :)

10:48 PM  

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