On the verge of a freak-out

I'm a freaking out a little bit at the moment. I forgot to take my Prozac today, sure -- but that stuff stays in your system forever so that really shouldn't be it. I'm just jittery and I feel like I'm a thought away from an ugly cry. And I'm paranoid -- now if I have a reason to be paranoid is undetermined -- I very well might. But still. I think I'm having an anxiety attack. I hope it gets better before the morning. I have 2 places to have a breakdown tomorrow: Work or with TGISALO, Kyle. Neither option is good... In fact both options are really bad...

I called lots of people to talk. It didn't help. Jacks being sweet and lovey -- it's not helping. And when I get this build up of emotions -- I don't know how to let them out. I want to talk to my psych :( I'm hating myself at the moment -- I want to punish myself. And the more I want to punish myself, the more I think I deserve to be punished.

Must go to sleep soon...

I hope I don't fail my classes. That would be a lovely little disaster wouldn't it? Trying to get back in the swing and then failing? And then I'd have to pay work back and lord knows that wouldn't make a good impression. And people are only thinking I'm worth a shit in that I am going to get a degree -- so I get credit. So if I fail then I don't get credit and they'll be like -- dude, you suck, I can't date you or be friends with you any longer. And I hope I'm not in trouble at work. I shouldn't be -- but that doesn't mean I'm not. And I'm getting muscle -- which is good -- but I didn't have any muscle mass at all before and now I'm actually getting some -- so the scales gone up 5 lbs. Dr Facundus is going to dog me for coming back 5lbs heavier than I was last time -- and it's going to be bad. Very bad. So see -- life as I know it has collapsed.

Good god anxiety attacks suck. I'm crazy. Dammit all.

And dude, don't be all freaking out for me -- I have anxiety attacks -- it happens. I'll be all happy again here soon. Right? I mean I always am... right? I should technically feel loads better in the morning.