Moving In

After 4 years of living in Huntsville, Alabama, I'm finally getting a Huntsville area code. And after 2 and a half years of having a piece of shit for a phone, I'm finally getting a decent phone. Yep, I'm upgrading.

What finally spurred doing this after I've said I was going to all year? I found out text messages are not free on my old plan. Seriously -- what the fuck is that? I had a 19 dollar charge on my phone bill just for text messages. And god forbid I find this out before I sent out 20 messages that said "Happy Thanksgiving." So I'm upgrading from the Nationwide Basic to Nationwide Select. And I'm getting a red Motorola KRZR. I've wanted a KRZR since they came out. I'm sure everyone thinks that there are far better phones, but this is the one I wanted out of all of them. Everyone loves their RAZRs and Kyle loves his SLVR and the KRZR, RAZR and SLVR are all the same phone in different packaging. And the KRZR feels the best in my hand. And the red one is teh pretteh.

So I'm super psyched.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! No work! No class! I've already made the pumpkin pie and casserole I promised to bring to dinner. We're also having my third birthday celebration tomorrow. I got three cakes this year. How awesome is that? My birthdays been forgotten before and I've celebrated alone a few years -- and this year so many people love me that I had THREE birthday celebrations. Thats freaking awesome.

Crystal broke the cardinal rule of forwards (that being don't ever send them to me. Ever) and sent me the story about the thorn bouquet. You know: "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember that it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns."

Yeah, that one. I've read it before, actually. And it's corny as hell as far as forwards go. And it totally moved me. Right now my life is going so wonderfully. Everythings not perfect ...but it's perfect. I've had a hard life and a lot of bad times. I've missed out on so much for so long and it sucked. And because it sucked so very much, that's why it's so very wonderful now. So I'm thankful for the shitty. I'm actually thankful for all the shit I went though and all the time I spent completely alone that taught me to appreciate having people in my life so much. So many people take so many things for granted -- and the smallest things just thrill me to death. All the things I've never had before and always wanted. I'm gonna enjoy the hell out of it all now.

I'm not saying I'm glad I went though so much shit -- I'm certainly not psyched about it. But I'm going to try to release the bitterness about it. Those years served a purpose. I took it and I used it. Thats how I roll.

So if you're having a shitty time, realize that it will make you appreciate the good to come. And if you're having a good time -- be thankful. Be thankful for everyone who thought of you to call you and wish you a happy thanksgiving. Be thankful for everyone who gives you a hug. Be thankful for the things you will miss while you're away. Be thankful that you're not alone.

Let me just tell you how awesome my weekend was.

Friday started out pretty badly. I had a psychiatrist appointment that went far from well. I was late which gave me an anxiety attack (hey, I was there to see her about changing my meds. Coincidence, I think not). Then I told her what was really on my mind and she decided I need to see a counselor weekly. Well, thats real fucking nice. Not only is time a huge issue in that, but money is an even bigger one. So not starting off the weekend particularly well.

Then I went to Kyles to run (we're up to a mile now) after work. I changed clothes and couldn't find my shoes. Kyle hates those shoes and I knew he hid them from me. He said they were by the door -- so I thought it was pretty assy of him to move them, he could have asked me and I'd have done it if it bugged him so bad. And then they weren't by the door -- I looked. He told me they were by the door, so I walked over to the door and was like -- "no, they're not -- give me my shoes!"

Now, how I didn't notice that Kyle had a pair of brand new pink running shoes by his door (unusual for guy -- especially when they're half the size of his feet), I just can't explain. But I didn't. And he was laughing at me and just kept telling me they're by the door and then it finally clicked. He bought me running shoes! How freaking sweet is that? I've been running in a pair of Clarks I bought as work shoes -- they're certainly not running shoes -- just the only shoes I owned that tied. And I know running in crappy shoes is bad, but I couldn't exactly afford to go out and buy some. And he bought me some for my brithday :) He said he just couldn't wait to give them to me.

And yall, this came after a perfect evening Thursday where he cooked me dinner and was just a total sweetheart, but we ended the evening on a bad note. So I didn't know how seeing him Friday was going to go -- and after the monumental failure of a psych appointment, I was in a pretty low mood. And then he bought me running shoes. This made me happy.

Then he decided that after wind sprints, we'd go have sushi and see Beowulf. The sushi was actually not disgusting. This was my first time trying it. We're going to go back and get a little more brave with our selections next time. Then we wasted our time playing arcade games before the movie -- which was loads of fun. Beowulf sucked pretty hard -- but it was funny (I don't think it was supposed to be) and we had a good time watching it. So my Friday turned a complete 180 pretty quick.

Cut to Saturday. I spent all day cleaning my house in anticipation of my birthday celebration that night. It felt really good to have a clean house -- really good. And I was busy with chores right up until time to meet everyone for dinner. Kyle picked me up and we met everyone at Olive Garden. The service was absolutely horrible, but my lasagna was tasty and all my friends were together -- which is all I wanted. Then we all gathered at my house for cake and a game of Clue. Nathan won. Kyle and I had already solved it and our turn was next -- but Nathan called it first. Bastard.

This same group of people met for my birthday last year -- and I thought it was wonderful then -- but knowing everyone so much better this year made it even more wonderful. I loved it. Best birthday celebration yet, I'd dare say. And Erin planned it all, so I'm super thankful to her :) So Saturday followed Friday up really nicely -- you'd think Sunday could never live up, wouldn't you?

Sunday, Kyle and I woke up at 3:45 AM to head to Little River Canyon to watch the sunrise and have a picnic breakfast. We arrived about half an hour before sunrise but we missed it. I made kinda a big error and we were in the wrong place. I had printed out maps... of the wrong place. We went to the nature preserve... not the scenic canyon I visited so many years in my youth. So we decided to make the best of it and hiked through the woods to the river. There, we hopped rocks out to the middle where we ate breakfast. Then we set out to find out where my canyon was.

You'd think it would be easy to find the canyon... but no. Luckily, I really had to pee so I made him go to a spot on the map where I figured there'd be bathrooms. There were bathrooms. There were also brochures of Little River Canyon with a map of the canyon and the scenic road along the canyons rim. See -- I totally saved the day! So we did get to see the canyon and it was beautiful. We stopped at all the overlooks along the way to check out the views and we got to walk around the rim at each one and hang our heads over the edge. (Kyle just sat on the edge but he's more brave than I -- he had to convince me to get near it).

Now this is where the wonderful weekend story gets kinda funny. Kyle is really in shape and athletic, right? Hence the running and the working out. Well, apparently he goes bouldering as a hobby as well. And he's really good at it. We ran into some guys bouldering and he totally showed them up -- I mean my lord, he just hops around them like a monkey. Well, obviously, I don't have the leg and arm strength to hop and climb boulders, so I just followed along on the smaller rocks and easier boulders. This was going pretty well for a while. Note that that implies an end to the going well part.

Kyle had found a particularly awesome boulder that he said I just had to climb. So I was making my way over to him jumping the smaller rocks when I jumped on one just in sight of him. And I landed it ok - and even he thought i landed it ok until my body weight shifted and I slipped. And I tried to not slip -- so I ran along the slope of the rock aiming to use a tree to stop me from falling. But rather than stop me, I grabbed it in a good hug (yes, I've got scrapes to show for this part) and spun around it. So really it just chunked me further out. But that's a good thing. The swing prevented me from falling onto the rocks, and rather it propelled me into a nicely Karen-sized hole in the ground. As Kyle points out, this hole could not have been more serendipitously placed and -- conveniently -- filled with fallen leaves. And since the tree I so smartly aimed for had swung me around, I was falling butt first rather than head first. And I fell quite nicely into the hole between the boulders and rocks. And Kyle was just fast enough to catch my head before it smacked the boulder behind me. Lucky, eh?

I'm told it was an ugly fall -- so that's rather embarrassing. But luckily, I didn't break anything -- just twisted (or sprained or pulled a muscle in) my foot. It was still horribly embarrassing -- but at least I was doing something cool and athletic when it happened -- right? I was super jealous of how much fun Kyle was having bouldering and now I really want o build up some muscle so that next time we go, I can join in a lot more. And not hurt myself. I'd at least like to be in shape next time -- but we're working on that :)

And no the hurt foot isn't sad or worrisome at all. I find it rather funny (after I get past the embarrassment) myself. It was a really great day. It was a really great weekend. My life has never been better and I've never been happier than I am right now. (And yes, school is still going quite horribly -- not unlike how things are going with my new psychiatrist) -- but it's all just so great anyway -- how cool is that?

Jack is such a bad cat.

Everyone who knows me -- and especially everyone who has ever been to my apartment, knows that Jack runs out the door every time it is opened. He stalks the door. He waits at the ready to leap to freedom. He knows that soon someone's going to open the door and he's going to go smell that bush. He loves that bush.

Recently, i realized that he really just wants to go out for a minute -- and that when I shut the door and ignore him, he comes and wails to get back in within about half an hour. And even if I didn't know this -- sometimes you really have to pee and you can't hold it long enough to chase him. So I'm sorry -- sometimes I run in and shut the door behind him knowing that he got out. Tonight was one of these nights. I'm in the bathroom and I hear him wailing at the door to get back in. So I wash my hands and put on my PJs and clean the litterbox and make my way to the door. Only when I get there -- he's not there.

Serves me right, eh?

So I'm walking around outside yelling for him -- Jack! Jack! Commeer' Jack! And I do this for a good long while when my neighbor (who i've never met... and who is kinda cute) opens his door. He asks if I'm looking for a cat. He then informs me that a cat just ran into his apartment a few moments earlier. Jack. He was running around the guys apartment trying to find a suitable spot to hide. Poor, stupid, bad thing. So I apologize a million times (while noting that hot neighbor has a freakishly clean apartment -- which is nice) and chase my cat all over his apartment... in my ratty PJs and barefoot.

I caught Jack and brought him home. But as I left noticed a small bowl of milk on the floor. He let my cat in and was giving him milk -- how sweet! I felt kinda bad taking him back... But it was obvious that he had a home -- he's wearing his collar with his name and my phone number. But still... I felt kinda bad. Not for my cat being bad enough to run into his apartment -- but because he was obviously enjoying the cat and being sweet to it.

I'm going to have to go say hello when I have more time and am dressed more properly. Hes obviously rather nice.

Written this morning at work.

Sorry my updates are further between lately – my life has become so wonderfully full and busy. To answer all the concerned inquiries, yes I'm fine. I've been having anxiety attacks a lot lately (as noted previously) and some sleep issues but I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Friday and hopefully she will be able to help me with that.

Work is going well. School is going very not well – and it's about to give me a hernia – but that's the only thing not going well. I'm seeing a great guy who takes me to the symphony and to see the nutcracker and to see the sunrise in the forest. *swoon* And I'm working out a lot. I go running with said guy 3 times a week – Monday I did 0.9 miles and today I'm going to run a full mile for the first time! I'm actually getting muscles! And when I finally get my arms done, I'll have a little bit of a cut – and it's going to be fucking awesome.

My birthday is Monday – so I'll be celebrating with my friends this weekend. And it will be fantastic. And I put up my Christmas tree last night and it is beautiful. And I know everyone will laugh because I have it up so early (though as you recall – I put it up on November 1 st last year so I waited a whole 2 weeks longer this time) – but it makes me super happy. I just love to look at a Christmas tree. I know I lost all vestiges of innocence I ever had long ago -- but holidays are still so special to me. I just love to get excited about a holiday and send people cards and wish them well and decorate my house – its just fun. And lord, I love me some decorations.

And today at work, we're having a Thanksgiving feast at noon and flu shots at 3:30 – so lord knows no work is getting done today. Which makes it an awesome day. I'm just gonna sit in my cube and hand out candy. And maybe throw some of the massive stack of pirate stressballs I just acquired. See, I have so many so that when someone wont give it back, I don't have to get all sad. I've got lots more!

On the verge of a freak-out

I'm a freaking out a little bit at the moment. I forgot to take my Prozac today, sure -- but that stuff stays in your system forever so that really shouldn't be it. I'm just jittery and I feel like I'm a thought away from an ugly cry. And I'm paranoid -- now if I have a reason to be paranoid is undetermined -- I very well might. But still. I think I'm having an anxiety attack. I hope it gets better before the morning. I have 2 places to have a breakdown tomorrow: Work or with TGISALO, Kyle. Neither option is good... In fact both options are really bad...

I called lots of people to talk. It didn't help. Jacks being sweet and lovey -- it's not helping. And when I get this build up of emotions -- I don't know how to let them out. I want to talk to my psych :( I'm hating myself at the moment -- I want to punish myself. And the more I want to punish myself, the more I think I deserve to be punished.

Must go to sleep soon...

I hope I don't fail my classes. That would be a lovely little disaster wouldn't it? Trying to get back in the swing and then failing? And then I'd have to pay work back and lord knows that wouldn't make a good impression. And people are only thinking I'm worth a shit in that I am going to get a degree -- so I get credit. So if I fail then I don't get credit and they'll be like -- dude, you suck, I can't date you or be friends with you any longer. And I hope I'm not in trouble at work. I shouldn't be -- but that doesn't mean I'm not. And I'm getting muscle -- which is good -- but I didn't have any muscle mass at all before and now I'm actually getting some -- so the scales gone up 5 lbs. Dr Facundus is going to dog me for coming back 5lbs heavier than I was last time -- and it's going to be bad. Very bad. So see -- life as I know it has collapsed.

Good god anxiety attacks suck. I'm crazy. Dammit all.

And dude, don't be all freaking out for me -- I have anxiety attacks -- it happens. I'll be all happy again here soon. Right? I mean I always am... right? I should technically feel loads better in the morning.

Halloween Pictures

I've posted some pictures from my Halloween party on Flickr. There's also a few of me and the guy I'm seeing a lot of (TGISALO, Kyle) if you're interested.

That's my sexy figure in front of the projector ^

Halloween Party

I'd post pictures of the awesome Halloween party that I hosted -- but the three people whose cameras were used are lazy and haven't sent me any. I was hot. Everyones asking me to show them pictures but I have none -- I'll post them when I do :)

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