Knock Knock

A black man in a hoodie (with the hood up) is knocking on my door. At 10:30 PM. In the ghetto. WTF? I have both my cats... I'm not playing any music... I'm on the first floor so I'm not bugging anyone below me... What the hell? I'm not going to answer it -- I'm not a moron.

I called my neighbor and no one knocked on her door.

Yep. Sleeping with the bat in my bed tonight. I so need a gun. I know they say having a gun in the house is just having something that can be used against you... but not if I shoot first. This is Alabama -- if you're in my house I can legally kill you. Actually -- if I feel my life is in danger, I can kill you anywhere. So if I had a gun, I could just shoot first, ask questions later. Or at least have it aimed at the guy in the hoodie knocking on my door late at night... you know, just in case.

The perfect day.

Today, a guy I'm seeing kinda a lot of taught me how to shoot a gun. He let me fire his 40 Caliber Glock. It was awesome. I sucked pretty bad overall, but I did make a few awesome shots. I managed to shoot a water bottle into the pole holding up the target lines and therefore knocking everyones targets down. Now tell me that's not awesome! Of course I also missed the water bottle a lot...

Guns are loud and scary and they kick. A lot. But it was fun -- and watching him shoot was freakishly sexy. Who knew that would be sexy? It was.

Now I want a gun. I never thought I'd want a gun... but now I really want one.

Look how skinny I am!

Here's a group shot that I totally stole from Chad. It was taken last night at his going away party. I'm third from the left. HOLY CRAP -- I can't even believe that's really me!

And to everyone who thought I was too fat to date: you can officially go kill yourself now.

Cute Overload

Are they not the cutest things you've ever seen? They're in love :)


I hand-made the invitations for my halloween party. This picture is of them drying right after I painted the pumpkins on the inside. I wish I had taken a picture of the completed invitations when I was done. They turned out well :)

"This makes me white trash, doesn't it?"

I had Chad over for burgers tonight. We hung out for a while and as he was leaving, he called to tell me there were 3 police cars at the gas station across the street. Well, this is something I gotta watch, right? So I grabbed my cheap, cold mac & cheese and sat on the balcony to watch. And then it occurred to me... this isn't particularly classy is it? So I called Chad and after a few questions (are you wearing your coat?), we decided that just to be safe, I should just go inside. So I'm not white trash.

...but I bet I'm missing something good.

Good Things.

Today Jack curled up in my lap an took a nap while I stroked his back. He loves me! Jack does this from time to time, but it's rare. And it's a brief moment in our lives together where I get confirmation that he really does like me. Also, when he runs out lately, he wants to come back in eventually -- which is kinda big for him.

So basically, I was so excited that he wanted me to pet him that I had to post about it. I'm sorry.

Also, a little later, Tabitha came and took a nap in my lap. This isn't as rare, but still very nice. I love my kitties!

Oh and while i'm on good things -- I'm down to 170lbs and a size large and really close to a medium! Never did I think this was a realistic possibility. I remember hitting 270 and knowing that I'd never lose another pound and that I had had that surgery for nothing.

Man, life is kinda going awesome lately.

It's a date :)

My date Saturday is taking me to Birmingham to see the Alabama Symphony Orchestra. I win!

The Fat Girl

I'm watching "Without A Trace." The missing girl in this episode is over-weight and tried to kill herself after a particularly horrible attack. Through interviews they show people taunting her, ridiculing her, and generally making her life hell. This makes me so sad. And it's not a surprise that it makes me sad -- of course it does. But it also made me nearly vomit.

This is a TV show, yes. But it brings back hard memories for me. Saying people "suck" or that they're "mean" doesn't cut it. This whole society is beyond fucked up. To treat someone like people do (and did to me) -- for being over-weight. Ugh. It makes me want to become a vigilantly and start removing people from the planet. Not that there would be very many left afterward.

I'm just sick now.

And this actress isn't even fat at all, by-the-way.

Edit: This is a comment I just dropped in reply to some of the other comments. I wanted to bump it up to the main page here:

Last night I really had to wonder how I would raise my children to not be such assholes. I even had a dream that my own kid was making fun of a fat chick -- how the hell would I handle that without wanting to beat the shit out of him?

I know that me bitching about it isn't going to change a thing -- but I'll never get over being the fat chick. I still cringe and cower and fear someone treating me like they used to. I say things and people are like "why would I DO that?" And I'm like -- hey, it's happened before. I can't move past that fear of people -- the fear of being the fat chick in school. When I was in elementary school, a guy named corey even asked me out -- only to make a huge joke of it and have everyone laughing at me. Actually, that happened to me twice -- just like the girl in the episode. "Hey watch, I'm gonna act like I like the fat chick -- she'll actually believe it too."

There's nothing to fix that. some stupid asshole kid making a joke like that -- and it really scars you for life.

Just this past summer -- at my current weight of 180 (down from 340) -- I was waiting for some friends at the pool and two little kids actually pointed and laughed at me. And it was only made worse when I took my swim cover-up off. It never stops.

Sometimes I just want to go back to never leaving my house. That was kinda nice.

Hello. Hello. Follow Me. Ok.

So I've not posted in a while. I apologize. Well, actually I don't apologize because that busy involved a really hot guy so no -- I'm ok with it.

I've lost a bit more weight! And I plan to lose even more. Saturday I'm going to start running with said hot guy. Really it's going to be very embarrassing for myself and probably a good bit painful -- but I'm going for it anyway. I've never been able to run -- I mean I might just not have that function programmed in, but we'll see.

Hell, when was the last time I posted? A little over a week... been a long and very busy week. I'm just now catching up on all the shows I've been missing. I think my favorites of the season are Journeyman and Life -- both on NBC. Heros didn't catch my fancy with the first episode and neither did Bionic Woman -- they didn't seem bad but not something I'm going to dedicate a chunk of time to. Oh and of course I'll be watching Grey's. In fact, I'll be watching Grey's here shortly :)

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