Today is a good day. Here is why:

I had brunch at a great new restaurant with my friends.

I went to the Thrift Store that always sells Target stuff and got some awesome deals.

We celebrated a triple birthday party at my house. There were two cakes and lots of games and lots of friends and joking around. Great time (they're just now leaving at 11:30pm). We had funny hats too.

The hot waiter that I gave my number to on Thursday CALLED ME.

We had Carrabba's for dinner. I love Carrabbas.

We went to the mall where I bought a cute cardigan at the Gap and cute panties from Victorias Secret.

The real reason today was awesome is because of my friends. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. I never had real friendships before so I can really appreciate finally getting what I've always prayed for (understatement). It is priceless and indescribably awesome. I can't even begin to touch on how much they all mean to me. They brighten my life -- they cheer me up -- they help me out when I need it. They care about me. And that means the world. And this weekend I've really been reminded of how blessed I am to know and love them and to be loved in return.

My life is nowhere near what I imagined it would be. I'm not even in the same ballpark of what I used to imagine for myself at 24. But many people have commented on how genuinely impressed they are with the life I've made for myself. They always use that phrasing. The life I've made for myself. And you know what -- it really is awesome. I've come so far, done so much -- I have so much. And really I may not have all the THINGS that I always wanted -- and not even the relationship I've always wanted -- but I really am rich in friends.

I've been blogging for -- what? -- three years? I doubt any of you have been around that long -- but if you had, you'd have seen me struggle. I struggled with my weight -- my beliefs -- the way I was raised. And through all of it I was so lonely. And I don't have to be lonely anymore. And I can't imagine anything better than that right now.

And to think that this happened overnight. Literally -- I fell into these friends. And yes, since we met in October, we've added friends and strengthened relationships. I've contributed to their lives as they have contributed to mine. But it literally all just changed that one night. And that really gives me even more hope for the future. Who knows what I might fall into tomorrow? Life really does change in an instant. And thank GOD for that!

Ransom Note

I have your spoon.

If you ever want to see it again, you'll bring the plate and the casserole dish to Jack's house.

I'll be in touch.

"I think you're just left of a fruit cake." "Which sides the bad side?" "It doesn't really matter."

I just downloaded the new Fuel song Wasted Time and it is awesome. Five stars -- they haven't disappointed me at all.

You know who has disappointed me? Pizza Hut. For one, their deep dish is not really a deep dish. In fact, last time I ordered it, I opened it and I was like -- this isn't deep dish. So they remade it -- and it still sucked. Also, they send me coupons, but none of the Huntsville Pizza Hut's accept coupons. So I asked what their specials were. They don't have specials. As in they don't have any. So I asked how much a large was. A large one topping is 17.99. And lets not forget, no specials. I was like fuck you, I'm getting Dominoes.

Now Dominos -- they were awesome. I picked up a large 1 topping for 5.99. And they had a drive through so I didn't even have to get out of the car. And there was no charge for extra sauce or extra cheese because deep dishes already come with extra cheese. And the pizza was awesome. Fuck you, Pizza Hut.

Seriously, the new Fuel is awesome. The album comes out in August -- I'm going to be buying it day of release, thank you very much. I was worried that the new singer would suck. I've always thought the lead singer made the band, you know. If the lead singer quits, you don't have the same band. But not so with Fuel. They sound the same. Fuel has absolute mastery of their sound. They're definitely in my top 5 bands. Probably even the top 3.

Now, if I could bring myself to pull this new song off repeat, I'd listen to the new Lifehouse I also just bought. Oh, I'm gonna be up late tonight.

I declare it thus.

June 24, 2007. Two years, one month and eight days after gastric bypass surgery. This is when I'm deciding that I'm having my skin fixed. I'm going to look into this and pursue it as hard as I've pursued other things -- moving out of birmingham, getting a beetle, getting my own apartment, getting un-crazy, and having the surgery in the first place. These are things I wanted and I took for myself. And I'm taking this. And I'm writing this here because in a few months or years when I finally get this surgery, I'm gonna be hurting and I want to remember when I made the decision.

I've heard nightmares about the pain people have experienced after having their skin tucked and tightened. I want my arms fixed first and foremost because they show all the time. Then I'll follow that by my tummy and legs which I want fixed equally bad for both though not as much as my arms. Those will be the bonus surgeries if I have the option later ion my life. Arms though. I know that it hurts like hell for a long time. I know that the scar is pretty damn ugly. It looks like you have a seam down your arm -- a repair on an old doll made with the wrong color thread. And they still don't look great -- the skin that remains fits again - but it's still all stretched out and covered in stretch marks. I've seen people who have had this surgery in person and touched their scars. The end result is not anywhere near ideal -- I know this. However it's better than what I have.

I want it. I shall have it. It might take years. Lord knows I waited a good 23 years before I finally got my Beetle and I'm still waiting on my love -- but it's gonna happen. I'm gonna make it happen.

But I don't want to do the dishes...

I wish the roomba would do my dishes.


"Do my arms look as gross as I think they look?"


And the sad part is that when one of my best friends said this, she was totally being honest. My arms are pretty gross though. So is my stomach. I'm still not even near my goal -- and probably never will get there -- but the more weight I lose, the grosser my body gets and the worse my clothes look. Sure, if I had snazzy new clothes that fit, my clothes would look awesome. But I have the clothes I bought when I was an 18 or even a 20 or more -- they don't fit my size 16 frame anymore. So I look really frumpy and like I have really horrible taste.

*Sigh* I hate that it seems like I'll never look good. I didn't look good when I was 340 and I don't look good at 191. Even after losing 150lbs (122 since the surgery) I still look bad. This sucks, man.

She said if they were her arms, she'd tie them up with ribbons. Dammit, people, honesty is not ALWAYS the best policy.

One day I'm gonna get plastic surgery and get them fixed -- then I'll be THAT much closer to hot... or at least acceptable.

Happy Weekend!

Today is a good day. I just hopped on the scale (fully clothed, BTW) and it told me I was 191lbs. Holy Shit! I thought I was totally done losing weight but these past 2 or 3 months, I dropped another 15lbs! 191 -- thats not a bad weight! That's a "normal" overweight. It's not an unreasonable weight. It's an awesome weight! I'm gonna go get my sharpie and color another 6lbs off my scale.

Last night, I went to see Shakespeare on the Mountain up on Monte Sano. The play was "Midsummer Night's Dream." I'd never seen or read this play so I was worried that I'd have trouble following. But the play actors were awesome and the play was hilarious. I really didn't think Shakespeare would make me laugh-out-loud but it did... more than once. I wish they had more dates and were doing other plays -- I'd definitely go again.

Johnny Depp

Can someone tell me how Johnny Depp got so insanely attractive? Seriously. I think he has to be the hottest man on the planet. I wouldn't usually go for such dark eyes, but damn. The man is just the essence of perfection and lust. And he looks good no matter how they do his hair -- long, short, dark, highlighted -- it's all good.

I think if I walked in on this scene, I would spontaneously orgasm and pass out (this link is totally SFW -- and amazingly hot. Johnny Depp playing piano. *swoon*).

Seriously, I've got to go to bed. I've been google-image-searching him for half an hour now. Oh did I mention that I ordered a life-sized cutout of the man today? Yes, I did. And I have absolutely no shame for it.

New CDs!

Holy shit! Lifehouse just put out a new CD! And so did Maroon 5! Dammit people, you're supposed to tell me when things like this happen! Does Nickleback have a new CD too? Audioslave? Default? Jack Johnson? Cause you know... for all I know they might have. Now I have to look that up.

J**** F****** C****! Fuel has a new song out too!

Tom Cruise is a crazy attractive man.

I know Tom Cruise is a crazy asshole and we don't like him anymore... but doesn't this picture remind you of how we used to see him:

I never thought I was one to swoon after a man with a baby (after all, I want a man to have my own baby with -- he should not come pre-equipped) -- but "awwwwwwwwww." He's so freaking adorable with his little girl. And he and Katie Holmes make such a cute couple in these pictures.

Go Steph!

My friend, Steph, will be riding in the Tour DaVita this September. It's a 230 mile bike ride from Sheffield, AL to Nashville, TN to raise awareness for kidney disease. And let me point out -- that's pretty damn impressive for a smoker with 2 bad kidneys.

If you want to donate to the cause, you can support Steph though this donation page (click).

Good luck, Steph! The kidney offer is still on the table. I figure you can have the right one because I feel that I already have plenty going on on my right side ;)


Today, as I was playing with Jack and Tabitha, I thought to myself: "Hey! Jack hasn't gotten out all week! I should give him special food for being good!"

But then I realized that it's only Tuesday morning.

New & Better Bike!

Thanks to someone who shall remain nameless, I just bought this bike:

I rode it today in the store and I really like it. It's even a good color! I ordered online so I could use my "Working Advantage" discount -- plus free shipping means it's cheaper than in the store. It should get here next week -- I'll have that Friday off to break it in! I'm really excited :)


This bike is even better than the one that was stolen :) And it will NOT be left chained to my car for bad people to steal. Some people suck -- but I'm glad that there are people out there who are so awesome as to make up for it.

I'll post a picture as soon as I get it :) And I'll post a picture of it strapped to the back of the Beetle. I never took a picture of my previous bike like that. I know some people think that bike racks are tacky, but Beetles are always the cutest thing ever -- and having a bike on the back is pretty damn awesome.

A Money Rant.

I know, it's past my bed-time -- but I want to rant a bit and get things off my chest. Specifically money things and me-feeling-inferior things.

I work with a lot of people my age who make more money than my parents ever dreamed of making. Literally. And I make just enough to scoot by. But for me -- this is awesome. I've got my own place -- my dream car -- friends to hang out with. Tons of luxuries like a laptop and high-speed internet, a bike, expensive sheets, nice pillows, and plenty of other things that I don't deserve. I live quite well.

I have a problem though, and this is my fault entirely -- I feel inferior and inadequate compared with my peers. Yes, I have a cheap apartment in a less-than-desirable location. (At least I live on my own). Yes, my apartment is furnished with hand-me-downs. And my clothes are cheap and don't fit right -- and lots of them were hand-me-downs too. And my shoes suck. And my car has had the check engine light on for over a year. And my shiny new bike that I just ordered and I'm already super proud of is from Target and not a bike shop.

But, for instance, why do I need a 600 dollar bike? I don't bike much -- I don't know how to take care of a bike. And technically (since I wouldn't be getting this one if my other wasn't STOLEN BY ASSHOLES) this is my first bike. And I can't afford one. Hell, I don't have a microwave that works at the moment, buying a bike at all is bordering on living beyond my means. I'm happy to have one. I'm super happy to have one, actually. I never could bike before (fat) -- or at least I wouldn't. And I think it's a great bike. I think a lot of things from Target are nice. Does that make me lower-class?

But I'm tired of feeling lower class. I don't like that I go to my awesome job and feel stupid because my pants are too big and my shoes aren't from a designer store -- when I work with people who have to have logos on everything and are obsessed with shoes. I actually listened to someone refer to her brand-new leather couch as a "cheap Ashley couch." I know your things are nicer than mine, OK. But my things are mine and they're the best I can do. And my cheap apartment is more of a home than most places I know.

And I feel horrible for feeling like this. ***DELETED PARAGRAPHS***

Ugh. I hate when I rant and it gets nowhere. There should be some resolution -- like I get to stand up and lean across the table and punch a snob in the face or something. And I want to hate myself for even feeling like this when I've got plenty of money to afford my apartment and gas in my car and food in my fridge and movies and games and dinners out and air conditioning. And so many others don't -- through no fault of their own -- just because life is shitty a lot of the time.

I hate that I let people I don't even like bother me so much. My self image and perceptions should not changed based on some assholes casual comments at lunch.

Sorry for the rant.


Today I shopped for two things: Sunglasses and a bike. First, the sunglasses. I have new insurance and since I just got my current glasses, I could get a pair of prescription sunglasses as my first pair on this insurance. So I went to the store to try on frames and didn't find anything I liked at all. The sales women did gush over how good one pair looked... but then I informed her that they were mine ;) I refuse to buy an expensive pair of prescription sunglasses that I don't absolutely love. I'm thinking of getting a dark blue tint on a pair when I do find one I like. I have to have an awesome pair because, you see, I'm not buying them for function. I'm buying them specifically so I can look amazingly hot. I have to have a pair that makes me look like a rock star. I need to be able to wear them and make everyone totally jealous of my awesomeness.

Also, the bike. One of my lovely (and particularly wonderful) blog readers has gone above and beyond the call of duty and is replacing my bike. Yep, you read that correctly. Now I have to find one I like that in the same price range. Unfortunately, they don't still have the same bike I had. And all the coupons I used to get it cheap online don't work anymore. They seem to have wised up and removed bikes from their "free shipping" offers. Damn. So my friends and I went to walmart to check some out after dinner tonight.

I found one I love that I can totally afford. It's bright red and super light weight -- and it's soooo comfy. Problem: it's a cruiser. Cruisers don't have gears or hand brakes. Hand brakes I can do without -- but everyone says I'm an idiot to get one without gears. I'll regret it the second I hit a hill, they say. But the trails I like to ride on are pretty flat -- I never shift all that much. And a mountain bike in my price range will be made out of steel (AKA very heavy). The cruiser is made of aluminum and is therefore super light-weight. Light is important. I will not be able to leave my bike chained to the Beetle as before -- I'd be an idiot to do that. This means lots of hauling the bike up and down the stairs. The bike that was stolen was super heavy -- there was no way I wanted to carry it up and down the stairs. So I'm thinking that having one I can lift with one hand would be incredibly helpful...

I want that red bike.

Tomorrow I shall set to work on repairing the bike rack. When it's fixed, I can buy a new bike.


Must post to bump others down...

Sweet. Though I hate the whited out lights on the Beetles. I think they were so much cuter when they were halved with the red on bottom and yellow on top. And the tires are ugly as sin. I like my tires much better. Also, I think if you're going to pimp out a Beetle, you should pimp out a turbo -- especially if flames are involved. It's just stupid otherwise.

Oh and sorry the picture is too big for the column, I'm lame like that. And I don't have time to fix it right now.

For Erin

Fun with Fat Pants

Sometimes when I get really depressed, I like to get out the fat pants. Tonight was one of those nights. I was in bed because I have to be up early in the morning for work -- because as mom says, "I'm an adult and I have to wake up now." I couldn't sleep so I was contemplating how much life sucks. Thats why I decided it was time to pull out the fat pants (AKA my old jeans). Here's a shot of them (size 28) with my current favorite pair of capris (size 16) for comparison:

There are lots of fun uses for the fat pants. I can hold them up and scoff at how big my ass used to be:

I can pretend like I'm a kangaroo and Jack is my kangaroo baby:

I can even pretend that I'm a mermaid:

And suddenly life doesn't suck so much.


NOTES: No animals were harmed in the making of this post. Jack was having entirely too much fun pawing at the drawstrings to notice that he was in the fat pants. And for those new to the game, these are the jeans I wore the day I had gastric bypass surgery two years ago. Yes, I used to be much bigger. Somewhere around 340lbs to be exact (313 the day of surgery). Now I'm s hair under 200lbs. Life really doesn't suck -- which is why I keep the fat pants on hand to remind me.

Anyone have a N64 Audio Video Cable?

Mines broken and I need one.

Yes, I know I can purchase one online but I'm broke at the moment (yes, THAT broke). I'll buy one next week if no one has one they don't need anymore -- but I figured it's worth a try :)

Getting better with age.

My mom made me go get my drivers license renewed the other day (I'll admit, it was 3 months overdue). I had pretty low expectations -- having just rolled out of bed in the early AM on my day off not having showered and certainly without makeup or decent hair. But DL pics always look like shit anyway, right? Well, it came in the mail today... and I'm impressed.

On the bottom, you see me old DL. I had tried to look as best as I possibly could in that picture. The top is my new one. Even when I look like crap, I still look way better than I used to on my best days. That's awesome. I'm hot.

(Notes: The height is wrong, wish I had noticed that. I'm 5'4". Oh, and the weight is still a TOTAL lie. Even after losing 130+lbs, it's still a lie. On the bright side though, the scale just hit 200lbs even. This is the lowest it's even been! WOOT! Maybe in 4 years, I'll have dropped 25 pounds and it'll be true. )

EDIT: April 16, 2009 - 5:06PM: The photo has been deleted after two federal agents just showed up at my apartment and recommended its removal.

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