Things I'm working on getting around to blowing time on.

I've got a pile of books my friends want me to read, 2 Netflixes I've had for over a month and not watched yet, and two brand new video games I've never played...

As soon as I get time, I've got lots of ways to waste it.

First, on my list are Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z. Yes, not only did I actively volunteer to read these, I bought them too. I'm flipping back and forth between utter shame and excitement. I was reading the survival guide at work today and made SURE no one saw what it was for fear of having to explain not that I was reading, but WHAT I was reading.

When I get done with the Survival Guide, my friends and I are going to have a meeting to create our survival plan. I'm all for this -- in fact, I'm pushing for it. One of the first rules is to form a group -- and dammit, when the shit hits the fan -- I want someone out there to give a shit if I survive. I mean that's like sitting alone in the cafeteria carried to the extreme -- but with death and zombies too.

And you know, the plan could be used for all manner of apocalyptic scenarios -- natural disasters, terrorist attacks, world war 3, alien invasion -- all sorts of practical reasons to have a survival plan. I live alone here in Huntsville -- I gotta make sure someone out there is going to help me survive. A person like me can't just rely on randomly hooking up with other survivors -- you know how finicky I am at getting along with people. I mean I only like about 10% of the population -- and when the shit hits the fan, a lot of that 10% might die. So I've got to make sure my group position is already reserved. This way, when the zombies are attacking and I've already sacrificed Tabitha to their hordes and am about to throw Jack -- my friends will bust through the door and save my ass. They need me to be the sarcastic and slightly off-kilter bat-wielder of the group -- because as Erin pointed out, I've got a lot of bitter rage built up -- and that might come in handy.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Crystal said...

Why are you doing all this? That Dawn of the Dead movie still haunts me, and I WANT TO BE IN A GROUP. Are you just having fun or are you serious? Nothing grosses me out more than rotting corpses walking around trying to eat me! I will commute two hours to be in a group…though the interstates wouldn’t be the safest route…or would they…away from cities and small roads…they might be. Plus I’ll bring a quality to the group…ready? I would kill someone if I had to and not feel bad. You know if they’re infected and need a calm cold killing…I’ll do it. See I am an asset, because a degree in accounting won’t do too much without an economy and what can I attest too? My education is useless, but I can kill  I’ve got that in me. What do ya say…can I be invted in if I live and make the trip?

8:07 AM  
Anonymous Leah said...

after the zombie survival plan, you guys really should come up with a velociraptor survival plan. I think that's the more pressing issue these days (and the fine folks at xkcd.com and brightlywound.com would agree with me).

12:49 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Crystal,

What do you mean are we just joking? Zombies aren't real and they aren't going to come kill us -- so yes in that sense we are. But yes, we're really having a group meeting and designing a plan for it. I would like this to be a plan to take effect in any case of shit-hitting-the-fan -- but I don't know how seriously they'll take it. If Huntsville starts getting bombed to hell and back, I'm not sure they'd think of the zombie survival guide to impliment. They'd be more concerned about their families, I'm sure, than the plan they made with their friends. However I would totally want to stick to the plan. I shall make this known ;) Like I've told everyone -- I'm pushing this because when it all goes to hell, someone needs to make sure I survive. I don't want to be all alone.

Also, it'll be great fun to have a zombie plan and will lead to endless inside jokes, I'm sure.

Big problem is that they all live together over there in Madison and I'm the loner who lives far away -- so it's much more practical for the plan to be me getting to them than a rescue party coming for me. This sucks. However it also means that whether they are seriously sticking to the plan when the terrorists come or not -- my POA is still the same -- get to them. Also, my own personal plan involves saving the cats -- but only if this is reasonable. When it comes down to life or death, first, I shall distract by throwing Tabitha. I'll fight a bit harder for Jack -- but cat is going down if I have to. So see, I've got 2 get-out-of-shit free cards right there.

7:11 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Leah,

If Jurassic Park was any decent indicator -- if and when the velociraptors attack, we're all fucked. Three thoughts on possible strategies:

1. Little resessed buttons on the floor. They have little flaily arms and big faces -- we have small fingers with great reach -- use this to our advantage. Maybe even just tiny keypads -- like itty bitty cellphone keys...

2. Lock doors with keys. Very small keys.

3. Gather a group of friends who are much smarter and slower than yourself.

7:16 PM  
Anonymous Crystal said...

Yes, I live in reality and I realize that Zombies aren’t real and they aren’t coming after me…but what if? Hunh? You watch Dawn of the Dead or 48 days and see how real Zombie invasion feels. Horror movies stick in my head FOREVER. Poor Tabitha is a second class pet, I feel for her. Let’s send this blog address to the animal rights activist. They’d prefer YOU die first. Hey, what if the zombies aren’t interested in anything but human mean-like in Dawn of the Dead? Then what do you do? Starve or eat the cats? Chinese food can be good anytime especially in a crisis. Now a morsel of cat meat may distract a velociraptor for a ….who am I kidding. Slow friends that you will not mind sacrificing it is.

11:25 AM  

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