I feel like shit.

So am I allowed to lay on the floor and sing horribly to old music then curl up in a ball and cry while Jack bites my ankles or does that constitute emotional instability? How about if I just do the bad singing to the loud music on the floor and then move on to the shower for the crying. I could break a window with my new bat. That might help. Sane people do shit like that, right?

Seriously, I'm tired. I hurt. I'm tired and I hurt -- mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I'm just wearing out. Fast.

Works going excellent. I think I'll really like it there. I've been thrown into the deep end with a lot more responsibility than I should be trusted with and left on my own with no supervision and a huge project. But hey -- at least it'll give me a chance to SHINE. Maybe. Friends are awesome. Better than awesome. Schools going.

I feel fat. I feel ugly. I feel wholly incompetent. I feel foolish. I feel like a child -- a very immature child. I feel like a whiner.

And what the fuck is with my emotions anyway? I mean I'm just DESTINED to fall for guys who have like no interest in me. And it messes things up. Always.

Dude, I'm a mess. And I'm doing better than I have in a long time. I'm kicking ass here. I don't know HOW -- but I am. And yet I feel so shitty. And tired. Damn, I'm tired. But for the past two nights I've been so unable to sleep. Exhausted and yet unable to sleep. What the fuck is that?

Oh, and a few tid-bits to leave you with:

-I say "awesome" entirely too much.
-I mumble curse words constantly.
-Eating alone in a large room full of people SUCKS.
-I think the sweetest gift I've ever received from someone (other than my momma) is a baseball bat - how weird is that?
-Tabitha is awfully cute. Weird. Pointless. A little off-kilter. Big green eyes. Cute. JUST LIKE ME!
-Jack and Tabitha have added a new talent to their ever growing supply. They can open drawers now. The cat treat drawer -- where I also keep the feather duster... and the cat nip. They obviously got very high yesterday and DESTROYED my apartment. And every things covered in little specs of catnip...


Anonymous Erin said...

*hug attack*
yo, I'm all mega emotions and crapfest today too. I think it is a whole big thing. Day 3 of new jobs is emotional suckitude. I think day 4 is supposed to be awesome?

9:00 PM  
Blogger Chad said...

I don't know how you do it all, really. I'd be unable to function this many days in. So here's a hug, and I hope things stabalize.

11:21 PM  
Blogger Peg said...

i suck at being emotional....I hope you get it all resolved and things start looking up for you again...Glad work is going well.

12:58 PM  

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