Update on my stupidity.

I'm an idiot, this has been brought to my attention. Michael posted a link to the crazy meds article on Paxil in a comment so I read it.

"Paxil and Paxil CR (paroxetine hydrochloride) happen to be those types of meds that if you stop taking it and start up again, they won't work as well as it used to. Even if you stop for just a couple of days. You have to be totally med compliant with Paxil and/or Paxil CR (paroxetine hydrochloride) or it's pointless. Symptoms may even worsen, which may have something to do with the rash of suicidal acts and ideation amongst adolescents on Paxil / Seroxat, as teenagers are as bad as the bipolar when it comes to being med compliant."

Ohhhh, THAT'S whats wrong! As I said in my previous depressing rant (which was actually holding back a lot), I've been avoiding taking it to avoid being a sleepy zombie -- and then I got worse -- so I keep avoiding taking it on time -- which made it all even worse. I continued this for a little over a week until I find myself totally freaking out about everything -- ruining my school semester -- shaking and almost passing out in public. Go me! I'm a genius!

Of course all that's still way better than the effects of Effexor, you know. I know, I hate being reliant on medications that mess you up this much. Please don't lecture me about how psych meds are evil. When I take them like I'm suppose to and get on the correct dose, it's great. I'm just having trouble getting there on Paxil.

I took yesterdays dose last night, and then I slept a lot -- and I already took the first one for today. I feel better. Maybe it's a placebo effect, but I'll take it. Of course I'm also alone in my apartment. But I feel like getting the place cleaned up and taking out the trash and washing some clothes. And Erin's coming over later for Grey's Anatomy. And I think I'll make some of those chocolate fat-free muffins. I'm also really looking forward to my Birthday and I'm trying to avoid getting caught up in the mess of what are the plans and whos getting their feelings hurt about it. I've already had a phone call about it this morning. It's my birthday dammit -- we're doing dinner Saturday night at Tim & Heidi's and that's nothing against you -- sheesh. I'm sorry, these plans upset you -- please don't make me miserable about it. For my birthday, I want to be happy. Happy birthday -- get it?