Things I am … not …am …maybe

Last weekend, I was blessed to take a spontaneous lunch with a huge group of new friends (we had Bellicinos and it was really good). The table was long so there were various conversations going and lots of chit-chat and story exchanging. We were talking about school – in particular elementary and high-school – and I of course mentioned my track record of constant detention and demerits through out. I thought this would come as a surprise – but no, it didn’t. Kelli guessed correctly that it was probably for talking all the time.

It kinda caught me off guard in an odd way. I used to talk all the time. You couldn’t shut me up. But I thought I had changed – for a while I didn’t talk all the time… I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I thought that I had just grown up or grown out of it or that my depression had taken that from me. I thought that person was just gone – and it’s odd… because that’s me again. It’s very satisfying. I guess I can’t convey what I want to say here – or how I feel about it. I just wanted to post it because it’s just… nice.

Another trait I’m not sure about. Cleanliness. Everyone who knows me now thinks that I’m this huge clean freak. I’m not sure that I am. I live in my own apartment. I don’t have anyone to clean up after. When you see my apartment – I can’t blame a dirty dish or a tea ring on the counter on someone else – it reflects directly on me. I also am super vigilant and paranoid to make sure it doesn’t become over run by the cat(s). I don’t want my apartment to smell like a cat. Let me repeat – I don’t want my apartment to smell like a cat. I want people to be comfortable in my home – whether they hate cats, are allergic to them, or own them. I do NOT want to become one of those people whos house you don’t want to go to because the dog will jump on you and you’ll get cat hair all over your jacket and leave smelling like a hamster cage.

Also: bugs. The apartments I live in have a huge bug problem. I’ve tried every bug trap, killer and spray known to man and I have conceded defeat. I’m going to have bugs and there’s nothing I can do about it. At least Jack has something to entertain him. I can however, avoid making it worse. No food or drops of food – no crumbs – no plates left sitting on the sidetable after I’m done and too last to rinse them and put them in the dishwasher. And as for my guests, I’ll pick up your dirty plate and immediately take it to the kitchen to wash it and put it in the dishwasher – NOT because I can’t stand that you left that plate there – but because it might attract a damn bug. I’m covering my ass – not trying to make you uncomfortable.

So Friday, Erin and I were shopping at the aforementioned Christmas thingy when I picked up the most adorable childs jacket. It was like 300 dollars and made of tapestry with feather trim. SO CUTE – and also so impractical. Erin pointed out the futility of putting an actual living child in something so gorgeous. She also mentioned that my children especially were going to be filthy little mess makers just because I’m so anal about keeping everything clean.

No I’m not. I think I’m not. Hmm.


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