I used to have a stress-ball shaped like a giraffe but his head came off and I had to throw it away.

I cannot sleep because I'm getting very anxious. And of course the medical professional question to follow that is -- describe anxious. Well -- I feel very overwhelmed. Very emotional. Very worried. Very doomed. I feel like I've got 20 million problems beating down on me at once and all I want to do is curl up under the covers and cry about it because it's all going to hell anyway. Of course it's not all going to hell and there's no particular reason for me feel like this. Which means it's another thing to stress out about and throw on top of the pile of things that are wrong.

Ugh. I miss my mom. When I get like this I get to where I just want someone to tell me it's ok -- to just do my best -- it's not the end of the world -- we'll deal with it. Of course I don't have someone to tell me this -- and I certainly can't call my mom to make me feel better at 3am. She's asleep. Besides -- I'm supposed to be an adult.

So I end up staying up all night stressing out about the millions of things I can think to stress out about -- until I finally accidently fall asleep -- usually after sunrise -- and then I want to sleep all day because I didn't sleep that night. I do this a lot -- I know how it works. But I can't do that because I've got a test tomorrow. And a test on Friday. And then 2 programs due. And I really need to go to the store -- not just because I'm out of all manner of food and drink -- but I've also run out of clorox wipes AND paper towels which means there's nothing to wipe off the stove with and dammit, that bothers me. And I need to go to the bank so I can pay my bills. And if I don't do well this semester then I won't get my loans which means I won't be able to pay my bills -- it all ties in together into one big thing to worry about. A stress ball -- and not the cute kind.

I just wanted to post about it because I can't sleep and posting seemed almost constructive. It's not constructive, I know that -- but still -- makes me feel better. Besides -- there's nothing else I can do at 3am and certainly no one else to talk to.

2 Comments:

Blogger Tel said...

Perhaps it will make you feel better that I'm feeling the same way. And I'm not quite sure where to start. I wanted to cry my eyes out on the way home because sometimes there's nothing to do but cry about it.

And then you make a list of what's bothering you and things ya gotta do. And you go on.

But I hear you on anxiety. I hate it and I've been full of it lately.

7:54 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

I'm sorry you're feeling shitty too :(

11:10 PM  

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