Rant: Why my nurse is a moron.

As I mentioned before, I'm currently switching from Effexor to Paxil (because I don't like Effexor, and also it's too fucking expensive). I'm doing this with with the school nurse because even with insurance, I can't afford a 30 dollar co-pay every 2 weeks to see the asshole psychiatrist who always makes me feel like shit. K, now you're caught up.

So I went in today -- as I have done every 2 weeks to switch the meds again. She asks me how I'm doing. I tell her that I'm very lethargic -- I'd like to stay in bed 24 hours a day. Yes, I'm sleepy a lot of the time -- but even if I'm not -- bed is nice, you know? I told her I could easily sleep all day and still wake up tired. Anyone whos had any experience or knowledge at all about depression knows that this is a VERY common thing.

So naturally, considering she's treating me for my well documented clinical depression and switching the meds that have stayed my hand from killing myself these past few years, you'd think she'd know that -- right? Oh no my friend, you are very wrong. She thinks I have sleep apnea. But lets not get into that just yet.

Starting tomorrow I will not be taking any Effexor anymore. YAY! ...kinda. I've been taking 150 (that's half of what I started at -- and 150 is also the max regular dose, to give you perspective here). She says that Effexor doesn't have any withdrawal symptoms other than return of the original depression or whatever. That's why I'm writing this post. I want them to read this post at her trial -- where my family is suing her because I went crazy and killed myself for no good reason. I've known people who have come off Effexor. I've read the horror stories -- my first psychiatrist blatantly spelled it out for me before she even put me on it (I was desperate). It's also known that some people can never stop taking Effexor - ever -- its written on the fucking bottle. Feel free to look it up for yourself -- the info is freely available (GOD BLESS THE INTERNET). I also know from personal experience that starting effexor and withdrawing from cymbalta was hell. And after surgery when I bottomed out on withdrawals from it -- well that sucked a lot. But according to the nurse there is no such thing so I can just flat out stop taking it. Ok.

I just want someone to know that that's what I'm doing. I feel like I should be checked up on -- because I know what it can be like... There's a reason i've been paying 200 dollars a month for the stuff. Your brain just doesn't work right without it -- well not YOUR brain -- MY brain. Of course I won't be checked up on -- I could go missing and no one would notice until I didn't show up for work... and then they wouldn't try to figure out where I was till the next weekend when I missed work again. If they even tried.

Now then -- what was that about sleep apnea? She thinks that MUST be it. Because I want to stay in bed all day -- that means I have sleep apnea. She says it doesn't matter what she does with my meds -- nothing will help because I'm not getting rest at night. She wants me to have a sleep apnea study done ASAP. I told her that I was fine last month and I had documented depression long before any trouble with sleep. She says I probably just now developed it.

So she's telling me that in these past two weeks, I've developed sleep apnea. You know -- AFTER I've lost half my body mass. Cause thats the way it usually works, you know -- lose tons of weight and get sleep apnea. And of course thats the only possibility -- not the psych meds you're guinea-pigging me with or the well documented previously-existing depression. Yeah.

And to defend her diagnosis, she listed off symptoms of depression that I DIDNT have. One of them was wanting to eat a lot. I told her I've been wanting to eat everything -- constantly. She said that my weight didn't reflect that and accused me of lying. MY WEIGHT DOESN'T REFLECT IT BECAUSE THEY CUT OUT MY INTESTINES AND JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO EAT TWO TUBS OF ICING DOESNT MEAN I'LL ALLOW MYSELF TO.

I'm supposed to call insurance to see if they cover a sleep apnea study and then call them to set up an appointment. I'm not going to go spend the night sleeping in a hospital with a bunch of wires all over me. I think this is the most bullshit diagnosis ever -- shes not even a DOCTOR. You can't just randomly assign people problems -- especially when they fit much more clearly with a known diagnosis. Hey yall, I'm fat -- make up some wild diagnosis for that for me -- i mean give me bullshit diagnoses I can USE here.

Anyway. Goodbye Effexor. I hope I don't have a splitting headache tomorrow...