Memo to Old Navy:

To: Old Navy
From: Silver Beetle
Subject: Your Womens Line
Date: 7/15/2006

As a long-term customer of your many stores, I would like to thank you. The clothes you provide are good quality, stylish, and the prices are great. I am especially fond of your clearance practices which allow your customers to get a pair of pants for less than 4 dollars. I would also like to commend you on your sleep attire. From cute pajama pants to sexy-yet-casual slips, I would happily sleep in your merchandise every night. I am, however, sorry to say that do find fault with some of your clothing and accessory selections. As a loyal customer, I feel it is in everyone's best interest if they are brought to your attention. In that spirit, I humbly present the following facts for your consideration:

1. "Extra long" tops only look good on the extra skinny. Anyone who wears a medium or more would like their shirts to end sometime before they hit their knees.

2. "Racer-backs" are totally awesome -- but are impractical in practice. As are halter-tops. There is no bra in existence that can be worn with these and remain hidden. And while some of your customers may go braless, the vast majority benefit from and should be encouraged to wear bras when they leave the house.

3. Anyone who wears a Extra-Extra-Small (XXS) "Tiny-Fit" should be encouraged to seek medical help. You are not helping by providing them with stylish clothing options to wear while they're being force-fed in anorexia-rehab.

4. When most women are selecting a new purse or handbag, the number of human children that can fit inside said bag is not one of their considerations. When we sneak a drink into the movies, we usually only carry one -- not an entire case.

5. Websites should not be written or coded such that an entire segment of the population is unable to view them. As a programmer, I sympathize with the desire to only accept clients within certain parameters, but those of us who attended school for such things have been taught that this is a completely unfeasible fantasy. You might want to pass that along to your website designers.

3 Comments:

Blogger Tel said...

Have you tried the extra long tanks? That might be what you're talking about, but I actually LOVE them. I hate the short ones. They're great for the gym!

2:55 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

I tried one on -- WAY too long. I have too much of a pudge to wear something that long -- long shirts are supposed to be a nice straight line -- not bumpy LOL

7:06 AM  
Blogger Tel said...

hehehe - I wear a hoodie over all mine. But someday, girl, someday there will be NO bump!

1:04 AM  

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