I have a problem, I think.

So I was at work today -- morning shift -- AKA bored as fuck, when these two guys come in to contest a parking ticket. They're nicely dressed and obviously intelligent guys -- from Haiti but speak better English than some people I know who are from here. Naturally, I can't do anything to help them with their ticket -- but as a person who has received lots of her own tickets, I joked with them and was pretty square about what would happen if they ignored it and the fact that they're going to have to pay it - there's really no getting out of it. Did I mention I was bored and therefore chatty? Then he started griping about the parking situation at South East which led to general griping about South East -- and we all know that the University screwed me many a time while I lived there so I was happy to swap stories.

I also think I sold him on the fact that moving to an apartment was a much better idea. We talked for at least 30 minutes about apartments and which ones were good and which ones were bad and they were very interested in getting one here where I live (they were cousins -- one lives in South East and the other is about to move here from New Jersy). So naturally being way too nice of a person, I offered to let them see mine. So they were gonna stop by around 4 with an apartment guide so I could show them which apartments I had toured on my own apartment hunt.

Come 4:30 I hear a knock at the door. It's the Haiti guys. I let them in and show off all the closet space and they had loads of questions about how I liked it here and the crime rate and all the deposits I had to put down and such -- plus they were enjoying playing with Jack. Cool.

So they're getting ready to leave when he spots my netflix on top of the TV and asks me about it. I reveal how much I love movies and so does he -- so we got to talking about what was in theaters and I said I wanted to see Superman & Pirates and that I was going to -- just hadn't yet. So he asked if he could go with me. I said sure. He asked if I wanted to go tonight -- and it's not like I had anything to do -- and it was his cousins last day in town (he flys out in the morning) so we decided to go see pirates tonight. And I offered to cook dinner in the mean time.

I made Chicken Alfredo with garlic bread -- it was super yummy and one of the guys favorite dish -- cause I'm that cool right? But while I was cooking, I mentioned that I was out of tea (the only thing besides milk and water that I keep around to drink) so they immediately went to the store and brought back TWO gallons of my favorite tea (I told them which to get) AND roses.

Isn't that sweet?

Dinner was lovely -- lots of great conversation -- and I am turning out to be quite an excellent cook. We also know how much I like to talk -- a lot. And how open I am. See -- this is where I have the problem. Apparently being a super sweet person means I'm flirting. This is the THIRD time this has happened very recently. WHY CAN'T I JUST BE AN UBBER COOL PERSON? No offense, but I have no interest in either of these guys -- I was just hanging out. I thought. (I'll explain the other two in a bit).

Anyway, he was telling me about this girl he had been seeing that totally snubbed him and of course I had mentioned that I was single and the cousin asks me what I'd say if the other guy asked me out.

Oh shit -- this conversation just took a bad turn.

I brushed it off with a joke about how he can't set up dates for his cousin -- and then they kinda brought the issue right back up. I think I managed to play it off with some mention that my father would probably shoot him with a shotgun if I dated him.

Then we went to the movie -- they bought my ticket -- cool, after all -- I made them a great dinner. But on the way home -- they're being way too sweet. And he's wanting to know when he can see me again -- and they're discussing places he should take me. Now I'm totally cool with hanging out with the guy -- he seems really awesome. But I have no interest in more. I think the roses were the first sign I should have seen.

I gave him my email (not my phone) and we decided that maybe next weekend we could do something.

So the question now is -- what the hell do I do? Did I lead him on? THERE WERE TWO OF THEM -- it wasn't in any way shape or form a date. I like movies and I like to cook and I love to chat my little heart out. I'm a sweet person -- that doesn't mean I'm flirting -- does it?

What was that? You want to know about the other two recent instances? K. I actually had an argument over IM with a guy (the same exact one from the "Nasty" post) about whether or not I was flirting with him. I swear I wasn't. Apparently being a nice, chatty, and way-to-open person means I'm flirting. I thought I didn't know how to flirt -- apparently I don't know how to talk normally.

The other? I'm actually about to take a restraining order out on this one. No, I'm not exaggerating. Remember the guy who used to always harass me about JAck when I lived in South East? he said he was miserable -- yeah, the crazy one. Well he shows up at the police station the other day. He talks for a bit -- I give him the "I just answer the phone" speech and he asks me to hang out with him. I can't, I'm kinda at work until 11:30 (thats PM). So then what happens? Guess whos standing at my car at 11:30? Uhuh -- cat freak. He wants to come home with me and see the cat. Umm no. But I'm a fucking sucker so I took a walk around campus with the guy before going home -- without giving him a phone number or any way to contact me at all. Hint hint.

Then he shows up at the station again the next weekend. I tell him that I'm just not interested. He trys to convince me that I am. I'm not. End of that.

Today he CALLS the police station. "Do you know who this is?" "No" "This is _____ - blah blah blah cat - blah blah blah walk 2 weeks ago" "Do you have an emergency?" "No, I just wanted to see you." I told him he can't use a 911 line like this and that I was busy at work. Guess whos standing by my car when I get off work? YOU GUESSED IT! Ugh. He's starting to scare me a bit. I'm seriously going to take out a restraining order if he doesn't fuck off. I had to watch to make sure he didn't follow me home today.

And what do I do about the Haiti guy that bought me the pretty roses? I don't mind hanging out with him -- he likes movies and board games! But I REALLY don't want to date him -- or see him "like that."

And what the hell is my problem here? Why am I having this problem? White college guys still won't give me a second glance. Dammit. I'm afraid to have him back over -- I don't want to give him the wrong idea. Apparently dinner was the wrong idea? It's not like I went shopping -- I cooked something I already had here!

Help me. Need advice. Oh and how many pounds do I have to lose before I get the cute white guys in my Java class to accept my movie and lunch offers?


Blogger Tel said...

For some weird reason, everyone but the white boys like thick girls. I get hit on way more by every guy out there except white guys. Must be why I'm getting married to a boy from India.

Either tell Mr. Cat that he's freaking you out and to lay off, or start completely ignoring him. The second is mean, but effective nonetheless.

Tell Mr. H that you're not interested in dating right now. For now you can be pals. Ya know?

And remember this: just because people you aren't attracted to are attracted to you does not make it any less flattering! Be flattered!

2:53 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Oh believe me, I'm flattered -- you see how nice I was to both of them...

I don't like being the "thick" girl any more than I like being the "fat" girl :( Why the fuck are white guys such pigs?

7:04 AM  
Anonymous Leah said...

white guys were raised with a different sensibility about girls and how they should look. it sucks, it really does. But if it makes you feel better, you don't have to be stick thin. When I told my guy friends that my doctor told me to lose weight (~ 30 pounds, actually), they all flipped out and said that I better not get all skinny gross looking.

Tell stalker dude that he needs to leave you alone or else you will take further action. Then, ignore him unless he starts to become more intimidating.

Tell Haitian man that you're not interested in dating but you'd be okay with being friends. See how he reacts. Hopefully, he takes it okay.

8:09 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Maybe I should move to Europe or something. I wish I'd have paid more attention to my Spanish. Spain might be nice...

I love America. But wouldn't I rather be married in Spain to a fine Spaniard than single in America because I'm not good enough for the white guys?

Did I mention that they're pigs? Cause I think I meant to.

8:41 PM  
Anonymous Leah said...

They're not all pigs, and I have faith that you will someday find someone who is amazing for you. I spent the week with a whole bunch of really cool people, including 5 amazing white guys who weren't pigs.

Plus, the guys in your java class aren't pigs -- they just have girlfriends already.

10:10 PM  
Blogger Tel said...

I know, I know. Thick and fat and big and chubby - it all sucks ass. But, you can't fault them for their tastes. They are what they are.

Hang in there, girlie.

1:03 AM  
Anonymous Ann said...

Hello again Ms. Karen,

Of all 5 men I have seriously dated, only two have been non-white, and they are latino. (which I have a hard time seeing as non-white actually, but that's another racially/culturally confused story)

So, I'm wondering if it has something to do with your geographical area, because the white boys up here in Ohio have been dating this thick girl! :)

Then again, I can attest to extra attention from the African American/Latino populations locally. There is a certain african american gentleman who works at the local car wash who has asked me out at least four times.

One time a man stopped my boyfriend and I on the street and told him that he was a rich man to have a beautiful woman like me - he then promptly held out his cup for some spare change - what a compliment right? :)

On another note, I don't know if I would recommend inviting strangers into your apartment like that. Especially strangers that are creepily attracted to you. I think that invitation, even if it was just to help them get a place, would probably lead them to thinking that you were interested in something more than real estate recommendations.

As for stalker boy, smack him around or something! Who calls a 911 line? Seriously.

At any rate, just keep yourself open to new things and something will crop up. If it doesn't, I'll set you up on some blind dates, although you'd have to drive just a few hours :)

You're still in my prayers.....

11:03 AM  
Blogger M. said...

There's nothing wrong with being nice, friendly, chatty, cool. Unfortunately, some mistake for being flirty, whether they're interested or not.

Since I'm black, I decided to test out the theory by checking out your picture... yeah, you are cute.

1:28 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Thank you M.



As to inviting them in, I guess you're right. I honestly only invited them to see the apt -- hes moving from New Jersy. And since they were two well educated guys, I figured they were trustable.

As to frenchy (stalker/cat freak -- hes from france), I've told him to leave me alone. It just didn't work.

I'm tired of hanging in there. I'm ready to give up. I'm 23 -- I've never been good enough for anyone. I'm tired of it -- I'm at my wits end here.

Haiti guy emailed me to see when he could see me again. I havn't replied ebcause im not sure how to. I dont want to invite him back HERE. I thought about seeing superman -- but at pirates he smacked gum, talked, and HUMMED SONGS the entire time. Anything else would be too "datey."

And who the fuck hums at a movie? I've never even heard of anyone who did that. Why can't people handle movie theaters anymore? What happened to being able to just sit silently and watch a movie? Have we all become too A.D.D. to do that anymore? HUMMING, answering phones, talking to people -- what gives?

5:42 PM  
Blogger M. said...

23? So young to talk about giving up. Just don't settle. A friend once told me: "Better to want and not have, than to have and not want". I know your not going to give in to the Humming Hatian or Pepe LePeu.

When you see Superman, hopefully there are not a lot of kids, or kids that are not trained to sit quietly. Talk about...hmmm... time to blog!

11:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, the mom in me totally worries about you asking men you don't know back to your apartment. It was a very sweet thing to do, but could also have gone horribly wrong.

On the other hand, I, too, always seemed to find myself in that situation (before I was married, natch). I would talk to someone and then be SHOCKED when they would try to kiss me, or offer to escort me somewhere, or ask for my number. Time to make up a fabulous excuse for celibacy or something, I guess. ;-)

And by the way, it was really sweet of you. :-)

3:05 PM  

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