I've lost 120 Degrees!
I bought this scale right before the surgery -- maybe even the day before. Then when I was stuck at 278 for a month, I grabbed a marker to show myself how much I HAD lost and where I HAD been so that I didn't get all upset when I got on the scale. Ever' since then, I've gotten out the marker about every 2lbs and scribbled a bit more of my ass away. It's a very rewarding visual. Sometimes when I hop on the scale I actually stand there for a bit and just admire that WOW, I was totally way over there.
Did I post about when I went to my 1yr post-op appt last month? I did but I don't think I posted in length. When I walked into the waiting room and sat down, I about fell over (literally). The office is furnished for extremely obese people -- meaning very wide and deep chairs. I sat down and tried to cross my legs and lean an elbow on the armrest (my new FAVE way to sit) and literally about fell over. The armrests were too far away and my back was no where near the back of the chair. And I remember when I first came to this office and thought these chairs were so nice and comfy. *cringe*
I've also found that movie theater seats are actually incredibly roomy. I've always loved movies -- but I was always ALWAYS hesitant about the chairs. There wasn't a single time that I didnt have to consider how tiny those chairs were before a movie. Now I've got room. I'm so ashamed that I used to be so big!
And my mom was riding with me in the car and she said "You know, I was at Target the other day and saw a girl who was the size you used to be..." I interrupted that this didn't sound like it was going to be good. She said that she just realized that wow, I don't look anything like that girl anymore.
However on a more negative note, I've had my SECOND run in with a moronic doctor I wanted to kick in the balls. You'll all recall (no you wont) that I posted about my last trip to the GYN when he had his hands INSIDE me while I was in the most uncomfortable and vulnerable position with my feet in STIRRUPS and he chose that moment to comment that I needed to lose weight. Apparently oblivious to the fact that the first page of my chart shows that I had lost 70lbs since the last time I was in that office. Well, another doctor wen there -- just not at such an inappropriate time.
I was getting my prescription changed again (remember, I'm switching from Effexor to Paxil -- VERY SLOWLY ) and the doctor (who KNEW that I had gastric bypass a year ago - we've discussed it in depth because it has an obvious barring on my medications. Plus he didn't understand the procedure at all - so we literally spent time for me to draw a picture and explain the exact difference my body now has and why my medications have changed since then and giving him the exact name of the procedure so he could supposedly do some research on it) mentioned that I needed to lose weight and even went as far as to give me suggestions about support groups for it -- like I'm not losing.
I'm so sorry that losing a hundred and 5 pounds is not enough for the medical world. I'm real sorry that they walk in and make a quick judgment about my health when they see me sitting on the table rather than talking to me and READING MY FUCKING CHART. I'll have you know that I'm pretty damn healthy at the moment. I know that I'm still obese -- but in 1 year my heart has gone from pumping blood for 320 pounds to a much more manageable 215. I've gone from huffing up 1 flight of stairs to running around -- literally -- and taking the stairs instead of the elevator cause its good for me -- and because 3 flights of stairs doesn't phase me at all. I don't smoke, I don't drink a drop. I just had a battery of tests done (the bills was over 2,000 dollars! Thank god for insurance!) to make sure that everything is going well at that my body isnt wigging out on me.
So next time a doctor walks in and immediately makes a judgment about my health based on my appearance (weight) and obviously knowing nothing about me -- even if it is written on the first page of THE CHART HE SUPPOSEDLY ALREADY LOOKED OVER -- I'm gonna be real tempted to say "Hi, I'm Karen _____ -- that's _-_-_-_-_. Go grab my chart, give it a look-sy, and then we can start over and I'll act like I believe you're competent."
And yes, it's becoming a chip on my shoulder. I just want to go to the doctor and feel like he's trying to help me -- and not just get me to some ideal -- I, naively, want him to attempt to give me care that's customized to me. I want him to say -- "Wow, congrats on losing so much weight -- you're doing great. What's your goal? Uhuh, are you still losing? That's great, are you exercising? How often? Have you had your bloodwork done recently? And how do you feel? Great!" And then we can move on to why I'm actually sitting in from of him -- which he should already know because I just answered a gazillion questions with the nurse and she took it all down and put it in the apparently for-nurses-only-cause-the-doctor-is-too-busy-to-look chart.
I'm tired of leaving the doctors office upset. I'm proud that I've lost so much -- I'm happy to hop on my scale and see the huge difference. I'm happy about becoming healthier. And forgive me for thinking that my doctor should be supportive of that and maybe even give me a kudos and encouragement rather than telling me I need to lose weight.
I need to print a t-shirt that says "congratulate me on the 100lbs I lost" Or maybe "You just THINK, I'm fat -- I used to weight a LOT more."