10 Things

I've had tons I could post about this week, but I haven't made myself sit down and think enough to actually write something. So here goes a catch up post.

1) I got a D on a test I got back on Monday. I did not deserve this D. Out of the entire test -- every single answer was 100% correct. The problem was that on TWO questions, I didn't do the math the way she wanted (note, I did clear math explaining where my answers came from, but apparently I didn't use the correct method). I was pissed. I stayed after class to discuss this with the teacher. Turns out shes just a total bitch. I'm contemplating going over her head. How is that worth knocking my grade down to a D? Actually, it was worth knocking my grade down to an F -- failing -- but after she scaled the grades, It became a 65. Bitch.

2) I have decided that Java is officially the best programming language out there. I know this is a highly debated topic with hot heads on both sides, but I have found a simple indisputable argument as to why Java is the best. K, ready? It's the cutest. By cutest, I mean cleanest -- look at the terms it uses. First -- Java -- what a fucking cute name. How can you compare the word "Java" to "C" or "C++"? You can't. Second, it has the best logo -- the cup of coffee. Argue with that. Third -- "Java Beans." Java. Beans. HA! How fucking cute. And an archive file that holds everything you need? It's a ".jar." And Applets! The whole thing. Java wins -- it's all about the packaging.

3) I had lunch with a hottie from my Java class. He's got a girlfriend but I still had a great afternoon with him -- we have a ton of similar interests. He knew my car too. I thought that was funny until he pointed out that he'd notice any car with an Apple logo in the window. Good point -- I'd probably notice it too.

4) I had my neighbors over for dinner the other night -- it was so much fun cooking for everybody! I've already got plans to have a guy from work and his girlfriend over for dinner -- and then another lady I met is going to come over for dinner one night too. Playing house is fun!

5) I ordered Jack a new collar. It's black and is embroidered in white with "Jack" and my phone number. Love it.

6) The other night, my toilet totally started over flowing. Well I didnt have a plunger so I went to the walmart down the street to get one and spent like an hour trying to track down the ONE plunger in the entire fucking store -- and then, I'm so poor that I don't have enough to get it -- I had to CHARGE IT. That's just pathetic. Thank God I get paid Friday.

7) I've decided to start having movie nights. As in a night I plan ahead of time to cook a good dinner, and lay down on my floor with the cat and watch a movie with no distractions. So far I've had 2. The first was "The Life of David Gale." This is now one of my favorite movies ever. I'm serious. I can't say enough about it and sound intelligent so I won't even try -- but the critic reviews on the movie are bullshit -- if you read them, their problems were all about the politics in the movie. The movie is EXCELLENT. This led me to restore my obsession with Kevin Spacey. So the next movie night was "Pay it Forward." Which I thought was really good too. I really want to go to England and see Kevin Spacey in a Play now -- that's where he lives and does plays. I have to go see one -- he better keep doing them long enough for me to be able to afford the trip.

8) I finally signed up for Net Flix. I'm on the 2 out-at-a-time plan. The first 8 movies in my cue star Kevin Spacey. If you'd like to recommend movies and have Net Flix, drop me an email and I'll add you to my "friends." That way you can see my movie ratings and I can see yours. I highly recommend "The Life of David Gale."

9) I've been super down for the past few days. I wasn't sure if it was just my emotions -- or if it's the switching of the psych meds. I'm at the point in life where I just honestly don't know LOL. This is why I was THRILLED to start my period today. It was just PMS! I was actually super excited about that -- it means I'm not spiraling down a black pit! Yay!

10) I've been saving my bread scraps to feed the ducks. Today I finally decided I had enough and went to feed them. I met a wonderful woman there relaxing at the lake. We ended up talking for 3 hours. It was totally a God thing -- God brought us together. It was one of those conversations that I don't even want to tell anyone about because it was that awesome. She really restored my hope. I think that's why I met her. My faith has been decent, but I've been losing hope -- which is losing faith -- and she really picked me back up. For all I know, she could have been an Angel in disguise. I guess I'll find out when she comes over for dinner next week ;)

I can be so mean

"You know he got robbed in Russia right? -- Had like 300 dollars cash in his wallet."


"He was walking around Russia with 300 dollars cash in his pocket. I had no sympathy -- I was like, dude, why didn't you have travelers checks? And he said because Russia was just like the US with ATMs and shit. But hell, I'D get travels checks if I was going to California!"

"Right, and that's in your own country."

"Exactly -- and not to be mean here -- but I can kick someone's ass -- he's only got one good arm. What the hell's he going to do? You can tell just by looking at him that he's got no sense."


"No I'm serious -- some people you can just look at them and tell that they're a dumbass -- that's a fact. He's an anorexic American tourist with stupid written all over him AND he's a fucking gimp with 300 dollars cash in his pocket. Why doesn't he just spray paint a target on his ass? ... He's a fucking piñata"

Chick-Fil-A Chicken Minis: YUM!

Last night as I was fixing something to bring for lunch today at work, I had to figure out what I wanted for breakfast in the morning. This is important because it dictates when I set my alarm. Cereal? Eggs? Yogurt? (Okay, no, I don't usually eat yogurt for breakfast but I threw that in there so I'd sound healthy.) And then I remembered mom mentioning that Chick-Fil-A's Chicken Minis were awesome. Maybe I saw a commercial that reminded me. But I have to be at work too early, don't I? Nope! Did you know that Chick-Fil-A opens at 6:30? Neither did I.

Holy shit. These things are awesome! I thought they were little biscuits -- nuh-uh! They're little dinner rolls. Chick-Fil-A chicken nuggets wrapped in deliciously moist dinner rolls. Yum! Top it off with some unsweet tea loaded down with at least 3 packets of Splenda and this is the best fast-food breakfast I've ever had. You should all go out and have them for breakfast -- I command it.

It's a good thing Chick-Fil-A isn't open on Sundays and I'm too lazy to get up this early on weekdays, or I'd be in trouble. These might have to become my Saturday morning treat.


"Seven people are in custody after a sweep in Miami, Florida, in connection with an alleged plot against targets that may have included the Sears Tower, officials told CNN. Some of the suspects are members of a radical African-American Muslim group."(full article)

Oh the KKK is gonna be all over that...

White Gold: 12 cents/lb

Today I bought almost 2lbs of salt for 22 cents. That's 2 entire pounds of brand name Morton salt... for less than a quarter (regular price) -- and thats after packaging and advertising. Wow. This stuff used to be money. I was so surprised by the price that I wanted to buy lots -- What if we have a national salt shortage and the prices shoot up like gasoline? I could make millions!

A few facts about Salt:

  • Salt's preservative ability was a foundation of civilization. It eliminated dependency on the seasonal availability of food, allowed travel over long distances, and was a vital food additive.

  • Until the 1900s, salt was one of the prime movers of national economies and wars.

  • Merchants in 12th century valued salt enough to buy it for its weight in gold

  • Two uses for a time machine:

  • Taking conveniently packaged 1lb containers and large bags of Mortons salt to the past to trade for gold.

  • Going back in time to buy cheap gasoline and sell it at a premium to todays busy travelers... for exactly 5 cents less than the next cheapest gas station.

  • Throwing things at the TV at 1am

    I can't tell if it's a lovable quirk or a very sad thing that I stay up late petting the cat, yelling and throwing things at my television.

    I've really got to stop watching all these shows on gastric bypass surgery that come on the health channel. First, this woman had hers done open -- there is no reason I can see to have a big ass scar and a wide open stomach when you can choose to have 5 tiny little holes instead (feel free to correct me). Second, she had this done in Tennessee -- she should have drove an hour south and let one of the top bariactric surgeons in the country do it -- research, people.

    However the thing that makes me want to SCREAM is that they all lose SO MUCH MORE and FASTER than me. 2 months and she lost 70lbs. 110 in 6 months. Where's something to throw? Jack, bring a toy to throw at the bitch.

    And they were giving her water to drink when she woke up -- they made me wait 24 hours before I could even have an ounce! Life is so unfair.

    I'm bitter. I admit it.

    Are you just TRYING to insult me?

    So when I talked to my dad last weekend, he mentioned that he might come up to visit me this week. Awesome! The only person who ever comes to visit me is mom -- the rest of the family just whines about how I never want to see them or talk to them (even though I'm the one always going to them -- and they wont even return my fucking phone calls -- no, I'm not exaggerating on that). And I've only asked dad up a million times cause you have to act like that with him. If my therapist read that sentence shed want to slap BTW, and I totally understand her point. So dad thinks I hate him and never want to see him -- even though he doesn't even call me or return my calls or my emails -- and even though hes RETIRED and has nothing better to do, he won't come see me. Well this was bad enough BEFORE but now...

    So I call yesterday to see when hes coming up. He already did, but he didn't stop in because he didn't want to be late getting home. Apparently dads been coming to Huntsville a few times each week (take a moment to digest that) -- riding his second new motercycle up here to see his friend. I told mom about this, and she confessed that she knew but she didn't want to tell me so I wouldn't get my feelings hurt. But what makes it even WORSE -- the friend he comes up here to visit, apparently ALL THE TIME -- lives one road over from me. My dad literally has to pass my place every time he comes up.

    Did I mention that my dads never visited me in the 3 years I've lived here? He's come up to help me move -- and to tell me that he didn't support my surgery but had to be there in case I died -- but never to see me or have lunch or something. Apparently his daughter isn't worth stopping to say hi to -- no, not a detour -- just STOPPING and taking half an hour to say hey, how are you?

    Are you just trying to hurt my feelings?

    This is the LAST straw. I'm so fucking pissed. Do you know how much my family guilt trips me on living up here? They all want me to move back to Birmingham -- they think I'll be happier there. They think I'm lonely and need to be back with them. Of course they're worried about me being lonely -- but not enough to call me, or return my calls, or return my emails, or even call to say they got the card I sent.

    Well fuck that bullshit. I'm tired of it. Like 3 psychologists have told me that this is bullshit -- but I try anyway. Well now I'm pissed.

    Next time ANYONE mentions my lack of contact with them, I'm going to just go off.

    Do you KNOW how many times my dad tries to guilt trip me about never visiting -- even though I visit all the fucking time. I mean I know I'm ranting here, but do you understand what I'm saying here? I'm saying that every time I've talked to him for three years he tells me that I hate him and never want to talk to him -- literally he says that every time -- not hint it -- says it. Even though I visit him all the time and tell him to visit me all the time -- AND HES BEEN DRIVING PAST MY APARTMENT MULTIPLE TIMES A WEEK FOR HOW LONG? And not once has he taken 5 minutes to say hello to me? WHAT THE FUCK?

    Hi, NEWSFLASH to my family: I'm not moving back to Birmingham. EVER. I know you're sitting there waiting on me to fail and come crawling back -- but EAT IT. When I move across the fucking country your never going to get to see my ass -- and you better start returning my phone calls -- or I guess I'm just gonna be dropped from the family -- cause I'm tired of the guilt trips and breaking my back when no one but mom even puts an ounce of effort into keeping in contact with me.

    A page from my journal

    A page from my journal
    Originally uploaded by Blue Beetle.
    Thought this picture might interest some people. I know I've shown how gastric bypass surgery has changed my body -- but this shows how its really changed my face. I wish I could make or post some nice side-by-side shots -- but after my HD got wiped, I lost all my "fat" pictures. This is a scan from my weight loss journal. Big diff, no?

    iTunes has entered my brain... and I'm kinda OK with it

    Tonight I was browsing around on the iTunes Music Store -- great waste of time BTW, if you've never done it. It can suck hours from your life and you'll never even notice. Tonight I saw a box with a bunch of songs I liked so I went "ooooo whats that?" Well, it was the "Just For You" section which is supposed to attempt to recommend songs for me -- songs it thinks I will like. So I decided to check it out.

    Holy shit. iTunes totally knows me. Lots of the songs it recommended I already have or I already know -- but even the ones I've never heard of are good. And it recommended lots of song I like from the radio too. I'm so impressed. What a nifty feature!

    PS: I totally want to marry the lead singer of Dishwalla in their Opaline phase. I say marry in place of something much more vulgar.

    Pet Smart burns

    I just caught a news story on a fire at the Pet Smart down the road. It's really sad that they were unable to save all the animals -- very sad actually, I'm not heartless.

    Though when the News Anchor ended the story with "A hamster and 2 birds died in that fire." In the exact same serious, monotone way she would have said it had it been the death count on a school shooting... Well, Ok -- I admit -- that made me want to laugh. It was exactly like a parody you'd expect from Will Ferrel or SNL. It's like the follow-up to the water skiing squirrel or the Panda watch.

    Now we just need to know when the memorial service and viewing of the dead hamster are and we'll be all set.

    Maybe I should go put up a little white cross and some flowers in the parking lot. ...If someone hasn't already. HAHA

    I'm sorry. Don't hate me.


    Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.
    I posted a few new pictures on my flickr page -- some shots of my apt, some shots of Jack, my adorable nephew...

    This is Jack... in the window. He's really a very bad cat. I wouldn't trade him though -- I just put up with it. This is why I have to leave my blinds cracked for him (this picture was taken at night though -- when I close them all the way). Hes gonna sit in that window either way -- and you can see that he's already managed to break one of the slats toward the bottom. He figured out that he can just dive into them. Smart cat. Be sure to check out the picture of his foot hanging out.

    Forgotten Update

    I was going to update the names post with the names in the running for my future nephew -- but now I've already forgotten what it was. Dang it -- I just hung up the phone with my brother. It started with a C -- and I remember saying they could name him Colby! But then we decided that that wouldn't work because we call Cole Coley so yeah, too confusing. Was it Caleb? No...

    Oh well. As I already knew, me and my brother have very different tastes in name selection so Elijah is 100% safe. I suggested Luke, as I figured he'd like that one and he said that then there would be too many Ks. Too many Ks! MY name is Karen -- and it's not like his name isn't loaded up with Ms :-p

    It's weird the things you consider when naming a future human being.

    Be warned: When I get bored, I start looking around to see what I could possibly paint.

    (Re)Painted Windows
    Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.
    Last night I was a little down, so I decided to do what the psychiatrist tells me to and to do something for me. So I thought I should do something artsy that will make me happy. I should paint something. What should I paint?

    Also, earlier in the day, Steph had asked me to paint her a window. I asked her for suggestions as to the style and colors, and all she could give me was "dark colors and cool." And I started thinking of things I could do that were dark and cool -- BTW, Steph -- I've already got a great idea in mind. And of course I realized that I wanted my own windows to be more bold and more ornate. I've painted some awesome windows for others -- mine should look as good. So when I decided to paint something, it was a very short leap to deciding on my windows.

    This is how it came out. I can't say if I'm happy with it or not -- I want to live with it a few days before I decide. I can say that I like this much better than how they were before. I want them to be big and bold and incorporate some sort of scrollwork but be simple -- not cluttered. This is a very dark blue background (I was aiming for night sky) with a hand drawn "bat-wing" scroll done in white and copper. If I change anything, it will the the pattern - not the color. If I decide that I'm not happy with this, then I'll do a quick over coat to get rid of the current pattern and do something more involved. In stead of hand painting something, I might use rulers and such to lay out something, or maybe even print a stencil from an existing pattern I can find online. Or who knows -- maybe I'll leave it as is.. until I decide to change it again ;)

    I've lost 120 Degrees!

    1 Year 1 Month & 2 days Later
    Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.
    2 days ago would have been my 13 months post op. As you can see, I dropped about another 5lbs. So I'm around 215 (please don't point out that when I took this pic it was actually more like 217ish -- weight varies depending on time of day and how much my pants weight ;) )

    I bought this scale right before the surgery -- maybe even the day before. Then when I was stuck at 278 for a month, I grabbed a marker to show myself how much I HAD lost and where I HAD been so that I didn't get all upset when I got on the scale. Ever' since then, I've gotten out the marker about every 2lbs and scribbled a bit more of my ass away. It's a very rewarding visual. Sometimes when I hop on the scale I actually stand there for a bit and just admire that WOW, I was totally way over there.

    Did I post about when I went to my 1yr post-op appt last month? I did but I don't think I posted in length. When I walked into the waiting room and sat down, I about fell over (literally). The office is furnished for extremely obese people -- meaning very wide and deep chairs. I sat down and tried to cross my legs and lean an elbow on the armrest (my new FAVE way to sit) and literally about fell over. The armrests were too far away and my back was no where near the back of the chair. And I remember when I first came to this office and thought these chairs were so nice and comfy. *cringe*

    I've also found that movie theater seats are actually incredibly roomy. I've always loved movies -- but I was always ALWAYS hesitant about the chairs. There wasn't a single time that I didnt have to consider how tiny those chairs were before a movie. Now I've got room. I'm so ashamed that I used to be so big!

    And my mom was riding with me in the car and she said "You know, I was at Target the other day and saw a girl who was the size you used to be..." I interrupted that this didn't sound like it was going to be good. She said that she just realized that wow, I don't look anything like that girl anymore.

    However on a more negative note, I've had my SECOND run in with a moronic doctor I wanted to kick in the balls. You'll all recall (no you wont) that I posted about my last trip to the GYN when he had his hands INSIDE me while I was in the most uncomfortable and vulnerable position with my feet in STIRRUPS and he chose that moment to comment that I needed to lose weight. Apparently oblivious to the fact that the first page of my chart shows that I had lost 70lbs since the last time I was in that office. Well, another doctor wen there -- just not at such an inappropriate time.

    I was getting my prescription changed again (remember, I'm switching from Effexor to Paxil -- VERY SLOWLY ) and the doctor (who KNEW that I had gastric bypass a year ago - we've discussed it in depth because it has an obvious barring on my medications. Plus he didn't understand the procedure at all - so we literally spent time for me to draw a picture and explain the exact difference my body now has and why my medications have changed since then and giving him the exact name of the procedure so he could supposedly do some research on it) mentioned that I needed to lose weight and even went as far as to give me suggestions about support groups for it -- like I'm not losing.

    I'm so sorry that losing a hundred and 5 pounds is not enough for the medical world. I'm real sorry that they walk in and make a quick judgment about my health when they see me sitting on the table rather than talking to me and READING MY FUCKING CHART. I'll have you know that I'm pretty damn healthy at the moment. I know that I'm still obese -- but in 1 year my heart has gone from pumping blood for 320 pounds to a much more manageable 215. I've gone from huffing up 1 flight of stairs to running around -- literally -- and taking the stairs instead of the elevator cause its good for me -- and because 3 flights of stairs doesn't phase me at all. I don't smoke, I don't drink a drop. I just had a battery of tests done (the bills was over 2,000 dollars! Thank god for insurance!) to make sure that everything is going well at that my body isnt wigging out on me.

    So next time a doctor walks in and immediately makes a judgment about my health based on my appearance (weight) and obviously knowing nothing about me -- even if it is written on the first page of THE CHART HE SUPPOSEDLY ALREADY LOOKED OVER -- I'm gonna be real tempted to say "Hi, I'm Karen _____ -- that's _-_-_-_-_. Go grab my chart, give it a look-sy, and then we can start over and I'll act like I believe you're competent."

    And yes, it's becoming a chip on my shoulder. I just want to go to the doctor and feel like he's trying to help me -- and not just get me to some ideal -- I, naively, want him to attempt to give me care that's customized to me. I want him to say -- "Wow, congrats on losing so much weight -- you're doing great. What's your goal? Uhuh, are you still losing? That's great, are you exercising? How often? Have you had your bloodwork done recently? And how do you feel? Great!" And then we can move on to why I'm actually sitting in from of him -- which he should already know because I just answered a gazillion questions with the nurse and she took it all down and put it in the apparently for-nurses-only-cause-the-doctor-is-too-busy-to-look chart.

    I'm tired of leaving the doctors office upset. I'm proud that I've lost so much -- I'm happy to hop on my scale and see the huge difference. I'm happy about becoming healthier. And forgive me for thinking that my doctor should be supportive of that and maybe even give me a kudos and encouragement rather than telling me I need to lose weight.

    I need to print a t-shirt that says "congratulate me on the 100lbs I lost" Or maybe "You just THINK, I'm fat -- I used to weight a LOT more."


    Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.
    For my first overnight guest (mom), I cooked sausage and eggs with coffee, milk, & toast. And being a big goober -- I documented it too.

    PS: I'd like to point out that mom thought my night lights were so incredibly awesome that she had me order 4 of them for her house this morning. I didn't even mention them. They're just that cool.

    The Lake House : Two thumbs up!

    I really wanted to see "The Lake House" (with Keanu Reeves & Sandra Bulock) -- and when I found myself with a few hours to kill this afternoon, I decided to go.

    Wow, am I glad I went. I expected it to be "ok." A good movie, but nothing special. Man -- it was so much better than I expected! I'm going to have to buy this on DVD. I was crying at a few points -- and there are so many things that are just unexpected and catch you off guard -- tons of heart wrenching moments. When the movie was over -- you just heard everyone sniffling. I had to sit there for a minute and wipe off the tears. What an unexpected hit!

    Excellent movie -- I highly recommend it. I want to talk to someone about it! But I don't want to give anything away either. It's so much more than just a romance story -- so worth the price of a movie ticket. Go see it!

    Oh and before I go: the only bad points: 1. Keanu Reeves crying -- wasn't working for me. 2. Keanu Reeves playing a construction worker. No one with a face and body like that wants to be nothing more than a construction worker -- sorry. 3. Don't question the time thing too much -- just go with it and enjoy the movie.

    Dinner tomorrow - my place

    You're all invited to my first nice dinner in my new(ish) place. Well, actually I've had many nice dinners in my new(ish) place -- Pork Flouratine 2 nights ago being a great example -- but tomorrow I'm having company and that makes all the difference. So you're invited to join us -- just RSVP please.

    Mom came up to see my place (no ones seen it yet -- well at least seen it with something other than rain drenched musty furniture piled in the corners). She's spending the night -- since I totally have room for loads of company now. And I'm the futon as I type, and really, it's not half bad. Big too. And then I still have a whole nother couch and tons of space for air mattresses. I could totally house refugees. We didn't cook tonight because I hadn't had time to go to the store yet, and mom wasn't in the mood for what I had planned anyway. So tomorrow...

    We'll be having baked ziti with meat sauce and garlic bread. The ziti will be whole grain pasta because my surgeon said that it's hard for me to digest -- which means its like a free-be. I shall prepare it as usual with a gourmet (aka expensive) pasta sauce and beef (because, well, I really like beef. No vegans here!). Then I'll toss it in a casserole dish and bake it with loads of fresh mozzarella cheese on top. This will be served with texas toast smothered in garlic and butter -- and an optional appetizer salad.

    New Shoes

    New Shoes
    Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.
    Look at the sexy new shoes I just bought! The pink ones match my hair. And the boots were just too good to pass up -- FIVE DOLLARS! Regular 80. They're trying to get rid off their inventory of odd sized boots -- a million pairs of size 5, 5 & 1/2, and 6. If I were only a size 6 -- I'd have bought every style they had. But they have them because no one has such tiny little feet -- so they're all 5 dollars each. And In rummaging through the piles -- I found ONE size 9. Just one. It was these boots. I bought them.

    I can't walk in heels... yet. Everyone tells me that I just have to practice -- that no one could do it at first. So now, when I'm home -- I shall wear the sexy black boots (and cross my legs -- cause I can so do that all the time now with no trouble at all).

    I never could buy loads of shoes before -- I HATED shoe shopping. But now that I've lost 2+ shoes sizes, it's a bit more rewarding. And I was always too fat for heels -- now I need to suck it up and learn to walk in them. They totally make your ass look great. And the boots -- they totally fit and zip up! Cause I have skinny ankles now. Isn't it weird? Neither of these shoes look like shoes I'd have -- well, they are now! I'm gonna declare the pink ones every day shoes. I'm going to wear them with my t-shirts and jeans when I go to class. Why? BECAUSE I CAN.

    Name suggestions for my soon-to-come nephew (or perhaps my future son):

    (because Heidi asked)

    1 Elijah (Eli for short)
    2 Micah
    Gabriel (Gabe for short)
    Zechariah (Zack for short)

    (I hope they wouldn't pick Elijah -- that's my favorite! Perhaps I should leave that out of my suggestions...)

    *Gasp* They've invited me.

    The North Alabama Volkswagen Club left a note on my car! They want me to be one of them! The VW people! Cause I have a Beetle! And there's a Volkswagen car show next month too -- and I can totally be in it! OOO OOOO OOOO!

    A Sarah Mood

    I'm in a Sarah (Mclachlan) mood right now. Her music fits my mood perfectly. Not sure why -- I haven't listened to her in forever but last night the lyrics came to me. I guess it's so cliche and cheesy when song lyrics resonate with you -- but then it's cheesy and cliche because it happens a lot.

    Not that I'm wholly in a "poor me" mood that we all know I love to hang out in. I've had a great week -- felt really good about some things. Sure there's lots of stress -- but with this new place it's like every things changed. It's just different -- it's not so bad anymore. And while that part of me is trying to be positive and live and I hate to say - "move on" - but there's the other part of me that is just so sad. And not just a "downer sad" -- but a dead kinda sad. A seemingly fatal and unrecoverable sadness that I feel like I'll never be rid of.

    But every thing's fixable, right?

    You know how I live across the street from a gas station? Well now look at this:

    Now I live right across from Huntsville's newest dance club: The Horse. Lord don't let my family find out about this.

    I saw the lights on my way home tonight and thought those looked a lot like they were coming from where I lived... So I drove up the road to the dead end -- where I've been trying to figure out what that building up there is... Turns out that thats where the lights were coming from -- and it's all lit up in neon and PACKED (this was at midnight). That karaoke bar and "beer garden" where you can munch on appetizers does sound like something I kinda want to check out though. Of course I'm not the type to check those things out -- nor do I have anyone to check it out with... but I think I'll keep that in the corner of my mind...

    Here's another article about it. If it used to be such a famous and 'legendary' nightclub then how come I've asked a ton of people what that building was and no one could tell me? This article plays it up to have more a restaurant though -- maybe I will check that out then...

    Because I'm so cool

    Yesterday was Friday -- the first day I've had to do nothing in a while. I set my alarm with the intentions of getting up to spend the day at the crowded apartment pool -- but I found myself returning to bed -- because, well, sleeping is nice too. I woke up to my neighbors children knocking on my door (the neighbor I shamelessly introduced myself to by giving her cat toys for her cat, Nem). We had spent the previous evening down at the pool (Aren't you impressed -- I've been going to the pool to work out after class. The public crowded pool -- in a bathing suit. Uhuh -- be impressed). They had apparently been checking the pool to see if I was there every hour and finally gave up and knocked. Heh, sorry -- I was sleeping. The littlest one had brought me some of her school pictures (HOW, CUTE!) -- which I promptly hung on my fridge -- to her absolute delight. And they played with Jack for a good long time -- so much so that after they left, he didn't need anything to do with me -- he had just been doted on and worshiped quite thoroughly.

    Their mom eventually came to retrieve them for laundry duty. They begged to stay but she wouldn't let them -- so when they lost at that battle, they begged me to come see Pixar's "Cars" with them. And I like movies -- and lord knows it's been forever since anyone thought I was awesome -- much less the coolest person ever -- so yeah, I'll go. We all had fun. Super cute movie. At first, the tow truck, Tater (Larry the Cable Guy), seems like too much -- but by the end he was, predictably, my favorite character. And notice that all the flys you see hovering around lights in the movie -- they're little VW Beetles with wings -- so cute. And one of the better parts of the movie is during the credits when Pixar spoofs other movies by replacing their characters with cars -- be sure to stay for that.

    So I had a great day to end a great week :) I'm loving the neighbors kids -- is that wrong? I mean they think I am the absolute coolest person ever -- and hey -- I do have pink hair, my own place, drive a Beetle, and have an awesome cat. I've not thought of myself as "cool" in quite a while... but when you get down to it -- I kinda am. I think it's the car ;)

    Fudge-covered grahamy goodness

    I was in the store the other day (yeah, THATS fascinating) and looking at all the good treats that I can't have because I'm fat and not losing weight and my god cookies are heavenly but really I should avoid them. And I saw chocolate covered graham cookies. MY GOD! How longs it been since I had one of those? YUM! So I picked them up to look at the nutritional information. Serving: 1 cookie (you mean not the whole row?). Fat grams: 12. 12? TWELVE! Twelve grams of fat in 1 cookie. 1. ONE! My lord -- what'd they do -- cut off a hunk of fat, flavor it like a graham cracker and dip in in chocolate fat? What the hell? I guess I could go without eating all day and just have a few of these.

    You know how they have to make high calorie meals for the military? Don't give them that crap -- just give them some fucking Keeblers.

    X-Men 3 Spoilers

    I just got back from seeing X-Men 3. First let me say that it was a really good movie. If you liked the other 2 -- you'll like this one. If you didn't, you won't -- simple as that. For those of us who were big fans of the other two -- it's awesome. But it left me, and I'm sure lots others with this one question at the end:

    Why couldn't Logan have just given Jean a shot of the cure?

    Seriously -- he didn't have to kill her -- he could have just jabbed her with one of the hundreds of shots laying on the ground all around them. And if Jean wanted to be "saved" so much -- why didn't she just give herself a shot of it?

    Still: good movie.

    I just plucked a solid white hair from my eyebrow

    And it wasn't even a short one where I usually pluck -- it was there in the good part! What the hell?

    Just thought I'd share. Carry on.

    It's like playing house -- but with bills and stuff.

    Really, I feel like I'm playing house here. It's fun though ;) I get up and shower and make breakfast to eat at my kitchen table. And today I did laundry and introduced myself to the neighbor (she apparently saw how I leave the blinds open for Jack and did the same today for her cat, Nem). I took over some cat toys for him. I figured it was a good way to say hello. Her kids loved me (I think its the cat and the pink hair) and begged her to let me come with them to concerts in the park next week. Someone thinks I'm cool!

    I also vacuumed the apt. I'm still trying to get the musty smell out so I'm trying to carpet fresh (fresh melons -- mmmm) and vacuum every week. And then I COOKED dinner. Too many starches -- I know, but its better than fast food or something. I made a burger (well, without the bun and stuff) with dales sauce, mashed potatoes, and corn. It was yummy. And tonight I'll do dishes! I'm so domestic -- isn't it AWESOME?

    Keep in mind that I've been stuck in a very small room with 6 monitors all by myself for almost 12 hours

    I've been reading stuff on Bash.org and this has had me crying and rolling on the floor. I must share the happy:

    reo4k> just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc
    * luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven)
    * r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven)
    * sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven)
    * phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven)
    * blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven)
    ibaN`reo4k[ex]> that's gotta hurt
    r`heaven> :(

    Finally! Pictures of my new apartment!

    Finally! Pictures of my new apartment! Go look (this link should be the first picture in the series - they dont have their own set) -- I don't have anyone to show it off to, so someone needs to go look. Isn't it AWESOME?

    I can't believe I almost didn't move here. This was such a hard decision and I can't believe I might have chosen to stay in South East. To say I love it is a huge understatement. It's so weird -- something I've never felt before. I know it sounds cliche, but my home is like my "haven" now. Instead of dreading going home to my lonely existence with a roommate I hate who is always watching me and annoying me constantly -- I love coming home. I love it here -- everything about it. I love that it's mine. Everything is where I want it and where I left it -- and its there because I put it there because thats where I wanted it. And there's so much space! I've been in a tiny little room for so long -- and now I've got a whole huge apartment! I've got a kitchen to cook in and table to eat at. I've got a great living room to hang out in and then when it's bed time -- I go to my BEDROOM. Which has nothing but my bed and clothes -- exactly how I wanted it. My bedroom is a place to sleep -- nothing else. I know I have noisy annoying neighbors -- but I feel so peaceful here. I'm telling you, it's all so cliche -- but I'm serious. I LOVE it here. It's such a huge change and I was so scared to make it -- but it's turned out so wonderfully. I look forward to coming home -- I love being here.

    And notice all the space I have to entertain ;) There's a futon if yall want to come down! I'll make dinner :)

    *Link to first in the series of pictures - they were in order but flickr fucked that up*


    Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.
    Here's me happily sitting in my huge bed in my big bedroom in my VERY OWN APARTMENT. Ok, ok, enough pictures of me -- the next post will have pics of my new place :)


    Me 13 months post-op
    Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.
    So I was taking some pics of myself to show my pink hair but it didn't show up in the pictures (god only knows how it didnt). But holy shit -- look how not horribly obese and non-ugly I look. Wow. Thats 221lbs and that's my new old navy outfit -- XL shirt and 18 jeans. Not bad. I'm impressed. Now if only I looked so good in real life. I'm totally date-able.

    On a psychological note -- my mood has increased quite a bit. I feel a lot better. But my anxiety is acting up BIG time. And not general anxiety -- but the social anxiety. I went to run errands today and I swear I heard 4 people make comments about me and everyone was staring. Now, I know the hair draws attention -- I also know that rationally, I'm not the center of everyones conversation and attention. I know that I was only THINKING that 200 people were mocking me and declaring that I was too ugly to be allowed in public... but I still wanted to run home and hide anwyay. Rationality tells me that I really need to hit the psychiatrist up about this.


    It's weird -- I don't know if I'm in a good mood because I dyed my hair pink or because I'm loaded up on psych meds or what -- but this week I havn't particularly loathed my own existence. That's progress. I went to the surgeon for my one-year post-op appointment on Tuesday. I didn't want to go because I was afraid he'd be mad at me for losing so slow. Guess what? The average loss that the nurse suually sees is 80-100 pounds. I'VE LOST 91. Dammit -- Do you know how upset I've been over losing so slow and now I find out that I'm smack in the middle of average? Do you KNOW what a relief that is?

    I wanna post more but I'm in a computer lab and class starts in 15.

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