My Clark Griswald moment

I think my place needs a ficus tree, right? Well it can’t be real because Jack will eat it and knock it over 3 times a day so it’s gotta be fake. Fake ficus trees can get pricey. I mention this to mom and she points out that there’s one on her back screened in porch. Awesome! It’s been sitting there for 4+ years so to say it is dusty is being polite. So she tells me to just hose it off and let it dry in the yard. K.

I go out with my jeans rolled up and set this huge fake tree in the front yard. I’m wrestling with it while waving to the neighbors and trying to get it to stand up straight -- getting covered in dust in the process. K – there it is. Now lets get the hose. I go turn it on at the faucet and pick up the sprayer. It needs to be on the stream setting so I’m looking at it while squeezing the trigger to see what it’s on.

*Shattering glass*

I shoot my head up to see what happened. That stream had been perfectly aimed at the glass sculpture in the bird bath. Ugh. I had to have hit that thing square on. What are the fucking odds on that? It’s shattered.

I look around like nothing happened to see if anyone saw this horribly idiotic disaster. I think it’s safe.

I hope that thing didn’t hold sentimental value…

Really, what are the odds on that? Hitting it square on totally by accident from about 7 feet away? I thought I was aiming at the Rose bushes!


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