Actually, I worried less when suicide was a legitimate option.

Seriously, because you could only worry so far into the future before you said, well at worst I’ll just kill myself and be done with it. But see now that I don’t WANT to kill myself I can just keep on worrying cause I have to find a LEGITIMATE solution. I WANT it to work out – so I’ll be screwed royally beyond redemption THEN WHAT AM I GONNA DO? Kill yourself? NO, I stopped considering that, dammit.

Kidding. Actually, I’m not but I have to say “kidding” for the naïve people who can’t possibly believe people actually think like this.

Bad things are happening. So bad in fact that I don’t feel comfortable posting about them – and I post about EVERYTHING. Ugh.

I need a medication that just makes you an unemotional zombie so that it is physically impossible to stress out. And for a second I thought – oooooh! I need Seroquil! I was a total zombie on that! But no, I was a total sleepy zombie. So I never got anything done because I just wanted to sleep all the time – because fuck it, I didn’t care.

I’m going to go pet the cat and paint before the world ends.

Man and I can’t just run away to become a prostitute in Europe because how would I take the Beetle and the cat?


Anonymous Skwid said...

Praying for you buddy. I hope that means something.

3:27 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Aww thanks, skwid. I think that was an anxiety attack -- I feel better this morning. Though its all still bad -- don't get me wrong. I'm just going to be majorly stressed for a while. And yeah, I might be royally screwed beyond redemption with no good options. I say "I" rather selfishly in this case because I'm not the only one in bad straights -- actually, Part of it is only a biproduct or side effect of someone elses huge troubles -- then add on new troubles of my own. *sigh* It's gonna be a bad summer.

And prayer always means something :) It's nice to know someones praying for me.

6:53 AM  
Blogger Lemming Leader said...

You'll work through it. Everything always works out in the end even if it isn't how we wanted or expected.

And I completely understand the whole bit about worrying more now that suicide isn't an option. I'm the same way..

2:55 PM  

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