Funniest China Moment EVER.

I'm moving out tomorrow and God just proved that He loves me and that he blessed me with a dark sense of humor that he totally supports. Steph was just here and we took my Beetle for a spin to see my new place. So we were back here sitting in the living room (in my new 5-dollar chair) when we hear a knocking in the back of the apartment. Just a gentle knocking that we didn't even hear at first. I thought she might be knocking on my bathroom door thinking I was in there but then Steph suggested that she was stuck in the bathroom. Well, I'm just to cynical to think that something that wonderful would happen to me so we went down the hallway to see what was up.

The bitch broke the door knob and was trapped in her bathroom. Like the door knobs just hanging there. I swear this has made more than my week -- no, month at least. That's the funniest damned thing I've seen in like my two years of living here. And not only was she locked in a tiny room with nothing but a toilet, but she didn't even yell for help. Get this: ...she just gently knocked on the door.

Please take a moment to savor this in your mind as the telling will never come close to the real thing. Take a moment to play this out in your mind. It's worth it.

So I'm crying and red faced trying to keep my laughter silent -- as is Steph. We had to call 911 (who still hasn't shown up). I'm so glad that I wasn't the only one seeing this because it was just too damn funny to be true. This is something someone makes up to tell at parties. And her quiet broken english from behind the door was priceless. PRICELESS. "I-a I hinkth de a yockha might be borhen" No shit Sherlock HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I swear I'm still crying just thinking about it. I couldn't even speak to tell her someone was on their way.

Oh thank you lord for blessing me with this -- for this is a story I will be able to tell and laugh about for at least 50 years. Everyone I know from hence forth shall be told this story. Thank you. Amen.

And yes, we took pictures while laughing our asses off outside of the door behind which a meek foreigner who can't speak English was trapped and waiting patiently to be set free. Oh if this was a movie -- this is the scene that everyone would quote and talk about afterwards. There is no way to convey how much this has amused me.

And On my last day as a resident of South East, I can honestly say that living here has been a trip. I had a lot of shitty roommates and 2 good ones. And lots of hilarious moments I'll remember for the rest of my life. Me & Steph got to see China lock her self in the bathroom. Nothing this funny has happened since I was laying on the bed talking to Meredith when the entire bed collapsed. There are some hilarious life experiences that will only be shared by the people too poor to afford better accommodations. Let us be thankful.

Moving day - moving day

I'm moving tomorrow... or is it today? I have to work 11:30pm - 7:30am then I'm moving. I'm gonna be tired come tomorrow night. Good, maybe I'll be so tired that I'll sleep instead of worrying about being in a dark new place all by myself.

I've already moved a ton of stuff by myself so the move shouldn't be that bad. And everythings boxed up except for the kitchen and the bedding on my bed. Cleaning the apartments gonna suck but I'm going to do that Thursday (because I've got finals Wednesday which require much more of my time).

Wish me luck!

Furniture -- help me out!

If anyone knows someone with a table and chairs and something to put a TV on (entertainment center is nice but sounds expensive -- hook me up! Especially if it's a nice one, I'll totally pay what I can for it (read: not much).

Here's what I have so far: Futon (on loan from mom), 2 end tables (super nice -- scored both for 30 bucks), awesome patio chair, brand new Nautica shower curtain I got for 14, I already have a chair that's on loan from my sister, I own a shelf, Dads gonna give me a microwave, and I've got an old night stand that's about to fall over but I figure I can toss in a few screws and it'll survive. I really need a table and chairs because I want to use them not just for dining but as a desk too -- I'm not going to have a computer desk or place to (supposedly) do homework, so the table would do double duty. The entertainment center would be for my TV, stereo, printer, modem (if I can afford internet), my video games (nintendo & N64 -- gotta have some geeky passtimes), DVD player and whatever else. Also if it had exrta shelves or a cabinet, it would be a great place to keep stuff like papers and shit. I need a place to keep stuff. Oh and I need some kind of chest to keep clothes in. Nothing huge -- something small would do. I want to keep the bedroom simple with just a bed and nightstand (and chest if i could find it -- hey, you can't hang up underwear). This is the first time in my life where I've not had to have everything in one room. I want a BEDROOM. I don't want a desk in it or even a TV -- it's going to be a bed room. And its going to be AWESOME.

Today when I picked up the tables, I told the guy that I was going to put them in my Beetle. He laughed. So did someone else. I mean they literally were like yeah, not gonna happen. I informed them that I didn't play tetris for 15 years for nothing. I took the largest table out first. Oh yeah, it fit. And they said it couldn't be done. Eat it! I'm telling yall, Beetles are fucking huge. The back seat folds down and anything can go back there -- don't believe me? I'll show you. And then they certainly thought I was crazy when I picked up the second table an carried it out. Uhuh. It fit too. HA.

Things like this make me happy. I can do anything. And don't ever say a single bad thing about my Beetle. I'm neurotic and I have my beetle and my cat. Don't ever insult either one.

BTW, I've gotten rid of more stuff on freecycle than I'm getting off it. This was not the aim.

I'm going to have a balcony with a comfy chair and lots of flowers. :) And even though it's against the rules (I asked), I'm going to staple up chicken wire to close it in so Jack can go out there with out running off. That cat is bad. Hes the sweetest thing and I love him to death and wouldn't let you take him for the world (yes i would but still) -- but the cat is a devil. He runs off. And sure, hell run back if you wait long enough because he's too pansy to cut it without a bed and pillows -- and after all, you haven't petted him yet, but the point is that he runs off initially. What if he can't find his way back? Or what if he jumps over the railing of the balcony and into the street? Chicken wire seems like it would be the best solution (I saw some people did it up to the railing -- I just want to go all the way to the top) -- wouldn't that be the least visible thing? I could also do screen but that would be dark and stick out like a sore thumb. I don't want something ugly or obtrusive. And it's easy to say that I just won't allow him out there but then I'm going to want to sit out there and sure that might hold for the first 2 months (might), but after a while I'm gonna cave and want to let him out thinking that if I WATCH him he'll be ok -- and it will take all of 42 seconds for him to take a leap over the railing and fall two stories, get scared to death and run onto the highway which is mere feet away. That won't work. Any suggestions?

I'm boycotting charities.

Today I went to yet more thrift-stores looking for furniture and I just got totally upset. Yall, I'm gonna confess something shameful here: the thrift store made me cry today. Why? I'm glad you asked...

I can not afford anything there. Thrift stores are not what they used to be. I've been to at least 15 just this week, so don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. Today I was in the salvation army (one in the ghetto) and they had a table and chairs that wasn't even in good condition for FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS. They also had some chest that had been donated from a furniture store that would have been perfect for me but they were 200 dollars. And I found myself talking to a lady about it and she agreed that they just aren't serving the poor like they were originally intended anymore. And it upset me. For one, I'm under a lot of stress at the moment but for two it kinda breaks my heart.

Everything in there was donated to the store for free. Good people (and also companies -- target and many furniture stores donate brand new merchandise to charity stores) took their things there and gave them to the charity so that they could pass them on to people who needed them. But the people who need them can't afford them. What gives them the right to take these donations meant to help people and sell them for such outrageous prices? The furniture in these stores (the old -- sticker covered - worn down furniture) is pretty much the same prices you'd pay for them new (unless it's something from the 20s with cat piss stains on it). And I was so angry because I've donated to thrift stores all my life. Two days ago, I dropped off 5 bags of clothes. Not ratty clothes or much used clothes -- good cloths. Clothes that it hurt to part with because I knew it was a couple of hundred dollars I was throwing away. But they no longer fit me so I passed them on to someone who can use them. But did I? The store will mark those up and even at 4 dollars a garment (they charge more) they would still make at least 400 dollars off of what I donated. And I donated it so that someone who needs them can have them -- not so that the store can make 400 dollars. And then I turn around and am in need and I've been to all these stores and I can't afford anything they have. Please don't think I'm exaggerating that these stores are selling these 100% free-to-them pieces for hundred of dollars. And this isn't one store or two stores or even 5 stores. This is every single one I've been to. I saw a chest in one of them today for 450 dollars! And they won't come down on their prices either. You show me someone at the poverty line who can afford to drop 400 dollars on a table. I dare you.

I was speaking with this woman in the store and she was agreeing with me (she couldn't afford the clothes she wanted) and I honest to god started to cry. And I'm not even poverty. I can handle sitting on the floor and I'll be alright. But what about the people who cant? What if I had a child and was trying to do this? I'm not looking for free handouts -- I have 200 dollars to spend and that should be enough -- but it's not nearly enough. I've contacted charities and churches and been to all of these stores and all I can think is that they aren't helping the people who truly need their help.

I honestly wish I could go back and get those bags of clothes and take them to a church who will actually give them to people who need them and not to people who can afford to shop somewhere else. Now please understand that I have no problem with them charging money -- they have to pay the bills to have the store. But I have a big problem with them taking a bag full of shirts I just gave them for free which I intend for a person in need and marking it to sell for 25 dollars. When you can buy things cheaper new at a furniture store or Target then theres a big problem.

I'm posting this because I think that you should know how these places are operating. And I want to urge you to take your future donations to a church or some other charity. I know it's easy to take stuff to goodwill or the salvation army -- hell, hannah home will come pick it up for you -- but now that I've seen where my donations actually end up, I will no longer support these charities. From now on I will take the extra time to find a church who will donate freely to people in need.

The quest for stuff.

Remember the post where I rambled out my anxiety the other day? (Not that it helped -- I woke up today with more than 10 small ulcers in my mouth which are solely from stress. Yes, I've had this checked out -- it just happens when I get very stressed out and there's nothing I can do about it other than to stop stressing out because according to both my doctor and my psychiatrist -- stress is going to kill me) Well a few people suggested thrift stores and freecycle, but aha my friends, I am so far ahead of you. While I have not posted about the apartment until this week - this has been broiling in my head for longer than that and all of these options have already been put into play.

I can honestly tell you that I have been to every thrift store in the area (more than you'd think) looking for furniture. I can also tell you that thrift stores are not really for poor people at all. The sets of tables and chairs are still 200 - 300 dollars -- what person in true poverty has 300 dollars to put down on a heavily used and battered kitchen table? This led me to discussing this with many people and discovering a little known fact of life -- thrift stores are just ripping people off in a bad way. Some good hearted person donated that table for a needy person who can not afford to buy it from the bastards who now have possession of it. And yes, I was told this by a pastor of a church who said it much more politly and without the curse words.

Why was i talking to a pastor about furniture? I contacted local charities as well. These things exist for poor saps who have no furniture and need it and I'm a dirt poor sap who has no furniture and needs it. He did recommend another store to me though -- the habitat for humanity restore store. These people are honestly a good charity that aren't trying to make a buck on you. Everything in this huge warehouse is taken from houses that have been renovated or torn down and replaced. And oh my god -- this store is my heaven. There is a huge warehouse of building supplies like cabinets and tubs and sinks and gorgeous doors and old antique windows and wonderful architectural details and old tiles and hardware and all sorts of fucking awesome things. I'm so going to be going here for all my crafty restoration and project desires. And everything is cheap. It's not cleaned up or in a formal setting - its just recycling things from old buildings and it's all priced as such. I bought a GORGEOUS 2-piece window that I'm going to hang above my bed for 12 dollars. I've bought much smaller and in worse shape windows from antique stores for 4 times that. The windows -- OMG the windows. They have hundreds all just stacked there for 15 dollars a piece. Oh I'm so hitting that up many times in the future. And the old hardware! Beautiful antique hardware in huge bins for like a quarter a piece. I even picked up packs of brand new double A energizer batteries for a dollar a piece -- for a 4 pack! They had tons of things that I wanted to get but even at such low prices I couldn't afford it right now. But don't worry, I'm going back. I'm going to paint some windows and I'm going to get some and replace the panes with stained glass. I'm serious -- if you bought these exact same windows at an antique store or from a buyer -- theyd be 50 dollars or more. And after I replace even a few of the panes with glass -- I've seen those go for 300 easy.

Ok, I'm rambling. After stopping there, I headed out to Madison to see a chair someone was offering for 5 dollars on free-trader. It's just a garden chair for my new balcony -- a plastic aderondak chair, the exact kind that I fucking LOVE. Yes, I picked it up -- for 5 dollars. And the womans daughter just gushed over my car -- she was probably only 9 but apparently wants one with equal passion that I've always wanted one. So I let her play around in it and pretend to drive it and took her for a ride in it -- I swear it made her week. And I told her about how I had wanted one just like she did and look -- now I have one! It was fun. And the woman who sold me the chair noticed the gorgeous windows I had just picked up and asked me about them. This led to an hour long chat about crafts and windows and awesomeness. So it was a wonderful treat in the middle of what has been a bad day.

Oh and I've also got to go check out a entertainment center someone id offering for 15 bucks and a coffee table for 5. I'm piecing together an apartment here on my kind of budget and it's going to be awesome. I swear, its going to be incredible and it'll all be mine! And I did it all myself! (Of course that's against my fathers will which has given me a mouth full of ulcers quite literally).

Oh and let me tell you the plan for more art work. I'm either going to use the two small windows above the bed of in the living room. I'm going to go back to buy a huge window pane door (they had lots of them which are simply gorgeous and only 30 dollars). That will either go above the couch or I'll use it as a headboard -- I'm not sure yet. And then I'm going to create a series of art for the main room. I'm going to do portraits of all my family. I'm thinking of getting either the 1 inch or 2 inch canvas in a smaller size -- maybe 8x8 -- not sure yet. I'll get one for each person (8 in all). Now I'm perfectly capable of doing full on portraits but I have a better idea. I'm going to use photoshop to do a sketch of each person -- some of you have seen these and know that they're gorgeous and I'm really fucking good at it. I'm going to do those -- doing this has advantages -- its easy and quick and because I do it over a real photo -- it looks just like the person i'm depicting. Then I'll print that onto transfer paper (it'll be B&W BTW) and transfer it onto the canvas. Then I'll use paint to touch up or add to it if needed and bam -- instant B&W sketch portraits. 8 of them -- is that not going to be GORGEOUS? That'll go in the living room or dining room area.

I'm also going to do a touch of stained glass for the window. It's going to be AWESOME. I won't have the best furniture, but I'm going to have wall art that will be better than the stuff you see in magazines. Sure, if I couldn't do it myself it would cost upwards of a thousand dollars -- but because I am the shit its going to cost me next to nothing. I feel so awesome! And yes, I'll post pictures -- and yes, if you want me to do something similar to you -- hit me up. I love doing shit like this -- can't you tell?

Why some people think I am a huge bitch.

I think you've all noticed that I just can't ride things out. Little things stress me out -- I'm working on fixing this. So I get these buildups to where I just won't take bullshit. Not that I should take bullshit but some people can just brush it off and go "oh I'll come back tomorrow" or "oh I won't say anything, I just won't come here next time." Yeah I'm not that kinda person. Today one of those instances occurred but before I tell you about that one, let me tell you about one that happened the week I got my precious baby beetle.

As said, this was right after I got my new Beetle. My family had cleaned it up perfectly for me and now I was getting the oil changed and changing the wiperblades because I gotta take care of the dream care and start it off on the right foot. I took it to Walmart. (I know I know, some of you think Walmart is evil -- *cough cough* leah -- but they recycle the oil, they're cheap (15 bucks), and they're right there) I've had my oil changed at this particular location at least twice before and never had a single problem. This time was different. First, the cashier back there was a gum smacking bitch. She was totally incompetent, wouldn't do her job, and was completely rude -- plus she was smacking her gum which was killing me. And my car was finished, but they hadn't brought her the key and she refused to go ask for it. When it finally came in and I was paying I made sure that they changed the wipers. The incompetent gum-smacking bitch pointed out that they had checked the blades. No, they were supposed to change the blades. She looked over the form and said they did. I asked to see the form. I read over it myself and no they had not. They had supposedly checked them and they passed according to this form but they were horribly in need of replacement. I could have told they needed replacement so someone who does this all day certainly should have been able to. That's 2 strikes right there -- they lied about the check and didn't do what I ASKED them to do. But there was no fucking way I was staying there for another minute so I told her to just ring it up.

When I got to my car and got in, guess what I found? There were greasy oily hand prints all over the newly-cleaned and treated beige interior. Yeah. All over -- you could see perfect hand prints everywhere they touched. Now mom was just like "come on, lets just go." Of course I'm not one of those people and that was just so not acceptable. I was lucky in that the district manager was there and I immediately asked to speak with him. The first thing I did was inform him that his cashier was an incompetent bitch. He said she wasn't from that department and was just an extra person from the front to which I replied that he needed to send her ass back and get another one. I then told him about the wiper blades and the oily grease prints all over the car. He was really nice about it and explained that this was a complete new team of people who obviously weren't doing their jobs. He had two men clean up the interior and replace the wiper blades for free. And yes, I stood by that car and watched it like a hawk while they did this because I'm fully aware that they were pissed as fuck that I went to the district manager and I didn't want them to do anything to the car because of that.

So thats the first case. Another bunch of bullshit happened this week. The payroll department messed up my paycheck. I've worked there for a month now and still not been payed. I should have been paid Friday but they didn't have a check for me and told me that it would be 2 weeks before I got one because I was just hired. I nicely talked to her and got her look it up in the computer where she found that actually they had just fucked up and I would get 2 paychecks in 2 weeks. Well, I kinda really need some money so I asked her if there was anything else I can do. She told me I could try to talk to my department about it and they could request that I be paid early (even though its really late). Now my department is totally different so I went to talk to Kim. I like Kim -- in fact I ended up spending an hour there talking and shes going to root me a gorgeous rhododendron that was on her desk. I've heard of them before but had never seen one -- it looks like a cross between an Azalea and a Hydrangea. When I told her this, she was psyched to see that I knew my flowers and we began talking about it. Shes going to root me a piece of it -- score!) She also played a million rounds of phone tag and sent emails to get them to cut me a check. She asked me if Wednesday was alright, I figured ok, WEdnesday would do.

Cut to today - Wednesday. I went to the payroll department to pick up my very late pay check. It was 1PM and every one was on break. Lucky me! So I go run errands and come back an hour later. Go figure, they didn't have a check for me. The woman looked it up in the computer and saw the email that she had received from Kim 2 days ago. Ooohhhh yeah we were supposed to do that. You can come back tomorrow and pick it up. Unacceptable. I've already waited, This was handled Monday -- print me a check. She pretended to fiddle around and find out that yes, she could do that (uhuh) and told me to come back in 20 minutes or later today. I sat down across from her desk and said I'd wait. I can be very good at makeing people uncomfortable ;) Then she had a computer problem -- she couldn't do it -- I'd have to wait. Unacceptable -- find someone who can fix it. She informed me that she'd have to talk to ___ and that ___ was a huge bitch who would be mad about it. I told her to go get ___ and I'd be more than happy to deal with this directly with her. And if she wants to be a bitch I'll be one right back.

The woman went to the other womans office who then came back to where I was still sitting in the tiny cubicle (20 minutes have passed) and showed her how to do it. Now they can print my check. Apparently sending something to the printer takes another 20 minutes -- I could come back and pick it up. No thanks, I'll wait.

All in all I'm pretty sure that woman never wants to see me again. Of course all in all I'd rather not have to see her again either. I'm not a bitch, I promise. But you fucked up and I already did the "come back tomorrow" thing twice -- and if I come back tomorrow you're still not going to have it fixed -- so I'm going to sit here and stare at you for 40 minutes to give you motivation to do your job so that I'll leave. See how that works? Doesn't make me a bitch -- just means I need the paycheck.

Buy me a roomba

Well, its pretty much done. I've got my own place now. I paid the deposit and first months rent today. I also bought night lights! I'm moving Monday morning at 9am.

I'm super excited -- worried and stressed still -- but super excited. No more chinese roommate! No more mystery meat and dead fish on the counter! No stinky dirty house-shoe-shuffling roommate!

You're all invited to come over for dinner and see it. Well, that is if you buy me housewarming presents. Like a roomba. I totally want a roomba. My dad blew an entire grand buying a top of the line vacuum that he doesn't need in a million years (in addition to a motorcycle complete with motorcycle gear, a new riding lawnmower, a car for me, a car for my brother, an aquarium, and who knows what else). My thoughts are why didn't he just get a roomba? Man I totally want one of those -- especially now that I'm getting my own place that is almost all carpet. Someone hook me up with a little electronic cleaning slave robot.

Speaking of roombas, did you see the guys who hacked it so they could steer it, dressed it up like a frog and played frogger in real traffic? I only wish I could be as cool as those guys.


Man working those 11:30 PM to 11:30AM shifts this weekend nearly killed me. I wanted to get some work done on the saturday night/morning one but that morning I was just trying to stay sane and reassuring myself that I could go to sleep the very second I got home. It wouldnt be bad if there was actually something to do but it's made worse by the fact that you're stuck sitting in a chair looking at 6 monitors on which nothing is happening and you're getting paid to stay in that small room "just in case" they might need to actually do something. and since that got my sleep schedule so messed up I spent the rest of the weekend attempting to sleep. Schools been crazy and there's a new stressor in my life: trying to find an apartment.

Yep, you read that right. I'm working on getting my own place. Of course finding a place where I can afford to live and not have to worry about being killed or raped is not so easy. Steph and T went over the apartment guides with me. I selected things in my price range and they eliminated the ghettos since I don't know Huntsville like they do. Then another mass of them was eliminated because they didn't have any open places or didn't allow pets (they're not taking my Jack away). This left me with 3. I made appointments and looked at them. Park Place looks alright -- not grand and I'm not sure about the location. Hunters Ridge was another story.

The lady in the office was extremely rude -- she wouldn't get off the phone to answer any of my questions and she acted like I was interrupting her (at my appointment) she shoved the key in my hand and wouldn't speak another word. So I drove off into the massive labyrinth of a neighborhood that is Hunters Ridge to check it out. Now keep in mind that I woke up early for this and made sure to present myself as a person who could afford to pay you rent. Keep that in mind. So I get lost trying to find it but eventually do. When I enter the apartment it reeks. It smelled like urine. I guess because the power is off, a small odor problem became a huge one. One wall is dark brown wood paneling -- nice. The carpet is dark brown and looks like it should have been replaced 20 years ago -- in fact large holes of it were just missing altogether. The closet doors were all horribly cheap plastic that was supposed to look like wood grain a few years ago -- but in their present state they were warped and flimsy and would be better off just not being there. I couldnt get the blinds open and when I finally forced open the "balcony" door, I found that it was more of an illusion of a balcony than a real one. It was only about 2 feet deep -- too small for a patio chair even.

And while I stood on this faux balcony, I looked around at the buildings around me and the men with tshirts tied on their heads and listened to the bass shaking the windows from the cars and buildings near by, a summer storm popped up.

Now I don't know how many of you are from the south so I don't know if you know what we mean when we say "summer storm." The humid air of the south that drifts over us from the gulf is very unstable. This means that pretty much when other fronts move in, we get a mess -- a sometimes unexpected mess. It was a fine day -- hot and steamy around 86 degrees. The sky wasn't clear but it wasn't bad either -- the sun was poking through. And while I stood on that balcony coming to terms with the fact that this apartment idea isn't as easy as it first seamed, a massive sound shook all my surroundings -- a thunder so loud and so instant that I thought about dunking for cover and immediately the rain was falling. And when I say immediately, I mean that I was on the beach during hurricane barry and in the worst of it this is how much it was raining. Buckets of rain. BUCKETS. And my car was far away.

After locking up the apartment and wrestling with the "balcony" door and blinds again, I hesitated in the breezeway. There was a lot of rain between me and the Beetle. The neighbors upstairs somehow sensed my presence, perhaps as a possible drug customer and called out "who be down there?" I didn't respond -- be it right or wrong, I chose to ignore the poorly formed question. This caused them to crane their head around to see who it was. Then they offered me alcohol. No, not beer or some specific form of alcohol -- they asked me if I wanted some "alcohol." Naturally, of all the options I had laid before me at that moment, I knew that all of them except for the rain would lead to illegal activities and possibly rape. So into the rain I went. By the time I got to the car, I literally couldn't have been any wetter had I jumped in a pool. But it was time for me to go or I'd miss my appointment to see the third apartment.

I dropped off my key at the front desk and headed to Briargreen. It was there that I found out that this neighborhood of identical apartment buildings that went on street after street after street was not all Hunters Ridge. In fact a small part of it was Briargreen. This didn't bode well for me but I fought the summer downpour to go to the office anyway. It was there that the woman looked at my pathetic form and was sorry to inform me that a man rented the apartment 10 minutes before I got there. Not that I'd have wanted to live there anyway. So I headed back to Park Place which at least seemed acceptable.

On the way, I found that the road had gone from a road to a river and I wasn't quite sure my little Beetle was gonna make it across that. Dude, tree branches were floating by me. So I said a prayer and slowly drove through the water while praying and encouraging my new prize the entire way. The beetle did well. Fucking germans know how to make a car right.

When the woman saw me, she was shocked. I had gone from a perfectly presentable appearance to that of a vagrant in the span of a little over and hour. She laughed and pointed out that she had told me to stay dry. Ha ha. I was a little late and she assured me that the apartment wouldn't be gone by tomorrow so I could come in Saturday after I had a night to think about it. Awesome.

I went back Saturday after I got off work and found that the office was not open. It should have been -- it was in it's hours and she told me that Betty was going to be there -- but Betty was not there. I was pissed.

So Monday. Tomorrow is Monday and if I want to get this apartment I need to act quickly before someone else snatches it up. But I'm scared. Why? Well there's a number of reasons. For one, the lease is for a year. I have to dedicate a year to it. What if I can't afford it in a few months? What if I do badly in school? What if I don't make as much money as I think I'll make? What if I hate it there? And Park Place is in view of Hunters Ridge which I was told last night by one of the police officers has had a reputation since the 70s as a very bad place. Granted, he knew nothing of Park Place which is right on Golf Road which is next to a golf course -- but they're close together so isn't one place just as bad as the other? He said it wasn't the location but the tenants -- well they're close together and in the same price range -- won't the tenants be the same? And Steph said it was a good place and T said it might possibly be sorta ghetto but alright but then both of them said Hunters Ridge was alright too. I'm freaking out here -- can you tell?

Everyone in my family is against it, naturally. Well, mom approves but only half-heartedly. She is admittedly afraid that me moving off campus and into an apartment will make me even more depressed and lonely than I already am. I honestly don't know if I'd love it or hate it. I mean I love the idea -- my OWN place. No chinese roommate making messes and leaving raw fish on the counter and cooking stinky shit and being loud. No roommates at all -- I could totally walk around naked if I want to. And I could watch TV or play my radio at any hour I chose and then I could turn it off and go to bed and have silence (well, reasonably -- I know I'll have neighbors). And i'd have a whole apartment -- not just a room. A whole apartment. My own living room, my own bathroom, my own kitchen, and a huge bedroom that's just a bedroom and not a everything room. And closets and windows to hang stained glass in -- and Jack would have a whole apartment to run around in without China spitting on him. And I could leave the bathroom door open when I take a shower so he could go in and out without meowing and whaling about how I've abandoned him because I've shut the door between us.

I mean I'm thinking it would be fucking awesome. And everyone I ask (besides my family) says that I'll love it and I only THINK I'll be scared and it will be a super liberating and awesome experience. But my family says otherwise. See, they think I'm as fragile as a cracked egg and any moment I'm going to break. Which I suppose is my fault since I stopped pretending to be happy for their sakes and let them know that I have a psychiatrist and depression and prescriptions for psych meds. And hey, they may be right -- perhaps I could break at any moment, but then again I've only broken like 10 times in the past 4 years and been completely and utterly broken so apparently its not going to KILL me now is it? And I don't know why they can't grasp that I'm actually much better than I WAS before I moved away and that I wasn't fine they only thought I was. And every time I find the bottom of the hole, I've managed to just keep trying to climb back out. This is life -- apparently life just sucks for me.

Also, my sister moved to her own place in Auburn and that was her downfall. Apparently she was already depressed and unhappy and she moved to her own shithole apartment where she was constantly lonely and terrified that someone was going to break in and she finally couldn't take it anymore and moved home for "one semester" where she still lives with my dad years later. Of course she also askes me all the fucking time why I won't move home and go to school there. As does my father and my sister-in-law. My brothers on the fence with the whole do your own thing -- but the rest of them want me home. They think I'm unhappy because I'm not home and that if I move back I'll miraculously start doing good in school again and I'll be happy. Um. yeah -- keep telling yourself that. In fact the other day my mom told me that dad called her to talk about me and said they should move me home and get me in therapy to which my mom replied (and wanted to laugh) that I'm already IN therapy. Yeah, I don't know how dad missed out on that one -- where does he think I get the meds?

Besides it doesn't matter what they think, I KNOW that it would not be healthy for me to move back home. Don't get me wrong -- I'm tired as fuck of school. I'm lonely. And I was already burnt the fuck out a few semesters ago. I'd love to "take a semester off" but everyone who is miserable and quit college was only "taking one semester off" and they just never went back. I don't want to be in school NOW -- who says I'm gonna miraculously want to do it after I spend the entire summer laying by moms pool and being fed homemade food and having my dirty laundry miraculously washed and folded on my bed all the time? No way man -- this is the point people call "senioritus" where you're burnt out and you stick it out anyway. I'll be dammed if I've taken all these classes and been though the rollercoasters I have for nothing. I'm getting a fucking degree if it kills me which it very well might. And I'm getting that degree from UAH unless they kick my ass out (which again, they very well might). Everyone who has a problem with that can suck it the fuck up. Maybe instead of lamenting how miserable I am and telling me to move back home because I'm lonely, they could actually give me a call on the phone some time or god-forbid they could come visit ME for a change. 90 miles away -- you'd think I moved across the US.

So yeah, I'm not moving HOME -- the question though is this: Do I stay where I am, or do I move off campus. And do I move to Park Place? If I stay where I am I have to move back to Bham at the beginning of may, move back to Huntsville at the end of May and then back to Bham at the beginning of August and back to Huntsville at the end of august. I'm also paying the equivalent to 427 dollars a month to live in this shithole apartment with up to 3 roommates. Rent for a 1 bedroom which is very big and spacious and has a DISHWASHER (oh how I've missed thee) is only 345 a month and the first month will be 99. Of course you have to add on electricity and the extra gas it would take to drive back and forth to campus plus internet and perhaps cable TV. Water is included. Basic cable (15 channels) plus cable internet would be 60. That's 405 plus electricity and gas. So it would be around what I'm paying here or a little bit more. But that's a little bit more for REAL highspeed internet -- not this fake whatever we have) and my OWN apartment -- not an apartment with 3 roommates most of which can't speak English. My OWN place. Just me and Jack. MINE.

But would I be even more lonely and removed? That can't really be known - it's up to me and what I do. Will I be scared living alone? Hell I'm still afraid of the dark but I've already found the nightlights I'm gonna order on Amazon. They're LED and they have light sensors -- and since theyre LED they won't burn out even if I leave them on all year and if I DID leave them on all year they'd only cost me 25 cents on my electric bill. I'm gonna get 4 -- one for the bedroom, one for the living room, one for the bathroom, and one for the kitchen. You see the byline of the blog -- yeah, I'm not kidding about that. And I'll get a chain & dead bolt to reinforce the locks that are already on the door. And I'll have a balcony too -- did I mention that? Well it over looks a main road but there's a tree in front of it and it's got lots of space for me to have tons of pots of flowers! I love gardening!

Yes, I'm totally rambling because I have to decide if I'm going to go sign this lease and lock myself into the year long obligation in 3 hours. I'm freaking out here.

Dad has forbade it. He even said hes "putting his foot down." And everyone is against it except for mom who says the decision is mine and she just doesn't want me to be any more unhappy than I already am. Dads foot down is almost like a triple-dog dare. If you'll recall, he also "forbade" me to move up here in the first place and to have gastric bypass surgery and I'm pretty sure hes forbade some other shit too. I mean whats he gonna do to me? He has no power over his daughter -- a GIRL -- and that infuriates him to no end which of course has started to amuse the fuck out of me. Then again now hes given me the Beetle and his name is on the car and he wouldnt be so absolutely cruel as to take away the Beetle he just gave me would he? Would he? I honestly can't say to the positive either way and thats actually very sad. And even though I defy him and my families wishes for me all the time, it still gives me stomach knots and mouth ulcers every time I do. I'm a pathetic codependant with no self esteem -- I want them to approve of me and all I'm getting is disapproval and the guilt of disappointing them.

And at the whole time I've been writing this with the left half of my brain, the right half has been designing a stained glass piece to hang in the main window of the apartment and debating where the cat window seat which I have should hang -- in the middle or on the side? I think it would look kinda stupid just out in the middle of course it's gonna look kinda stupid anyway but I like the cat and he likes to sit in the window so I'll let him. As for the glass piece, I'll be home lots in May so I'll have the time -- I'm thinking of just doing something in clear textured glass so that it would look gorgeous but not add darkness to the window or them room. Stained glass looks so dark at night, you know.

Shit I still don't know what to do. I'm very concerned as to the safety of the neighborhood but I've asked a million people and I called the police department to get crime statistics but they can't do that and the management of the apartments cant tell me anything because of fair housing laws and everyone I ask isn't sure -- they don't know the area. I've spoken briefly to 3 different people who live at Park Place and they tell me they have no problem -- the black guy who I thought would mug me actually had a VERY nice mustang and he says hes had no problem with anyone trying to break into it or vandalize it. The lady I spoke to walks her dogs there every night. The couple I spoke to is moving out because they have horrible bug problems. And I've been unable to find anything but one review on the internet by someone who sounds very bitter and says there IS a horrible crime problem and horrid bugs. But I'm told that south huntsville actually has a very great crimerate -- of course there's police there patrolling all the time to keep an eye out and keep it that way but being that I'm not a criminal I find this comforting rather than a sign of possible trouble.

And will I be able to afford it? I can always drop the internet and cable and that'll save me 60 a month if I HAVE to. And God's been super faithful and good to me in that every time I think there's no way I can afford something, the money just shows up. I don't see him copping out on me anytime soon.

I have no furniture -- That'll be a problem.

And I've asked EVERYONE to help me move and no one can. Everyones "busy." And apparently its not the kinda busy I was when I took off my new job to spend 30 dollars in gas and drive down to Birmingham to be the only person who showed up to help Tim and Heidi move and work my fucking ass off. They're the different kinda busy so they can't return the favor. Neither can either of my sisters of any of my friends. Which granted, I don't have any good old friends left and I can only marginally call them friends since I never see them or hang out but they can't help. Dad can help me move back to Bham but I think he will withdraw any help if I'm moving into an apartment explicitly against his wishes. Moms gonna help. I love mom. But me and mom are kinda weak and we are really able to do it without help. One of the officers at work said hed help :) But he can only help early in the morning and I'm not sure if mom will be up here by then. I'm gonna make him cookies and brownies as a thank you -- but I've only known him a week so I have no idea if hell flake out on me or not.

Any of you wanna help me move? I can't offer you any money even for gas because I simply don't have it but you know I'd be forever grateful and I'd owe you big time and I never flake out. I'll make you brownies. I could cook dinner or lunch or something. PLEASE.

5:18AM: Tried to rip the phonebook in half

5:20AM: Tore 2 inch phonebook into 2 smaller 1 inch phonebooks

5:20AM: Tried to rip half the phonebook in half. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

5:23AM: Realized it wasn't going to happen.

Man, after I found this tutorial on how to rip a phonebook in half, I was totally psyched to try it. Lucky for me we just got new phonebooks this week!

I guess the fact that the guy in the picture probably has a neck the size of my massive thighs should have been the first clue that I wasn't going to succeed...


This morning I decided to have cereal for breakfast. I love lucky charms but I have berry lucky charms and they aren't that good. I also have vanilla yogurt burst cheerios. Those sounded good but they didn't have the marshmallows! So I did what every rational adult would do. I poured a bunch of lucky charms on the counter and picked out the marshmallows to add to my cheerios. I'm a GENIUS. I'm also going to be fat forever.


Ugh, these coming two week are going to be super stressful. I've got 3 programs to write, 3 finals to study for and take, I've got to pack up all my stuff and find a storage unit to rent and then put all my stuff into that storage unit -- which I will do alone because I've asked everyone I can think of to help me and no one "can," I've also got to go get certified for work -- 2 classes which will last all day and cause me to miss my last classes where we would be reviewing for the final. I tried to get out of the certification because I just have to be certified in the next fucking year so I don't see why they have to make me go to this session during my fucking finals week -- but I'm told that it's part of the job so I really don't get a choice. Oh yeah, and aside from the two days where I'll be getting certified, I'll be working everyday. This weekend I have to work from 11:30PM to 11:30AM. Fun.

Also, I'm about to kill the cat and my roommate both. At least there's only 2 weeks left of living with that bitch.

I'm going to be living at moms during May because the fuckers than run UAH have decided to make everyones lives harder by making us all move out on the same day and all move in on the same day. This means no home for me! Of course my family wants me to move home altogether because they think it'll "help" me. Uhuh. Technically suicide would solve some problems too but it's not a good option. Neither is moving home which would probably lead down the winding road to suicide becoming an option.

And then after May, I'm going to have to move everything from that storage unit to my NEW room -- again all by myself -- and then I'll repeat all this bullshit again in August. Blech. I want to make someone suffer for this.

Now my dad (who won't stop calling to yell) tells me that Jefferson county has to "inspect" my car before they'll let me register it because we bought it out of state. Well, this has to be done within 30 days of the purchase date so dad needs me to come home. Well, I'm kinda booked up for these two weeks so I can't. So naturally he's furious and doesn't see why I can't some home "one morning." Yeah, and spend 50 dollars on gas, drive 2 hours there, wait who knows how long on the fucking DMV, then drive back 2 hours. That's not just a quick morning -- not that I have a quick morning to spare at the moment. And the late "penalty" is only like 15 dollars. Dads solution costs like 4 times that. So he has a new solution. He is furiously going to drive up here in a gas-guzzling truck (at least 30 dollars in gas), pick up "the goddamn car," rent me a car to use for the day (another 30 dollars), drive it down to birmingham "his own goddamn self" (20-30 dollars), get it inspected, drive it back (20-30 dollars), pick up his truck and then go back home (at least 30 dollars). Um, ok -- cause you KNOW that's better than paying a 15 dollar late fee.

Versatile Chicken

I'm posting another recipe of sorts because someone actually tried out one of my other ones! Ok, so I haven't heard how it went so I can't get TOO happy. This one is for the chicken I made tonight. It's so versatile. I cooked fresh boneless skinless chicken tenders and I divided them up into servings to put into individual ziplock bags for the fridge and freezer. And Now I can use one to make chicken salad if that's what I'm in the mood for. I could toss it in a skillet with some dales sauce to warm it up and have it with broccoli... or maybe I'm in a mac & cheese mood. I can have a sandwich if that's what I want. Or I can chop it up and have chicken fetchini alfredo. So this is perfect for me who is single and poor or for anyone who wants to have something like this in the fridge for quick, cheap, and damn good lunches or dinner. The key is to cook the chicken so that it doesn't have some strong flavor (gotta be versatile) and to keep it moist and juicy with no "crust." You can always pop it back in the oven for a crust or toss it in a skillet with more flavor (in my case -- DALES SAUCE -- yum).

So I called my momma because I don't cook chicken. I can't handle seeing it raw -- it disgusts me. In fact even this time, I was just dumping it out and using a spoon to separate the pieces on the pan and i was gagging. It grossed me out so much that I figured this would be the LAST time I make chicken, but it turned out so good that I'll just have to suck it up.

All it is is chicken breasts or tenders or whatever on a pan. Salt and pepper them and drizzle with olive oil. Olive oil is expensive and not something I had on hand but mom said I had to get some. She was right -- that's what keeps it so perfectly juicy. Then cover it completely with foil and bake it in the oven on 325 for an hour. See how simple that is?

And now I'm not stuck on a single dish. In fact I cooked the chicken tonight only because I had to (it wasn't frozen). I didn't even want to eat what I had planned for it (fetichini -- no, I can't spell it. Feel free not to correct me -- I don't really care). But then I thought -- this would make an awesome sandwich. So I made a sandwich with mayo and mustard and salt and pepper and swiss cheese (with the cold chicken). Man, it was awesome.

And you know, really -- that's every chicken recipe. I always think it's funny when people say they have this AWESOME chicken recipe because most chicken is pretty much the exact same thing. Lemon pepper chicken is the same thing as regular plain chicken breasts you just cooked it with lemon and pepper. Substitute any number of seasonings and such and you get pretty much the same exact thing just with a different kick. And since this chicken is cooked without any strong flavors -- it can be turned into a million chicken recipes just by adding stuff to it. And since I now have it in my freezer & fridge in little pre-cooked individual portions, I can have a totally awesome chicken sandwich if that's what I want. Or I can just make a side or two and have a complete meal. I'm just tickled pink with this new addition to my diet.

Egg Hunt!

Lazy Bum
Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.
Either the Easter Bunny stopped by my house early last night or Jack got into my Easter eggs. I woke up this morning to find half of them gone. I found one on a quick look around this morning and tonight I've found all but one. I seriously think he might have eaten it. He loves to chew on shit -- it's totally plausible that he just ate the egg. Idiot. Last night I found him playing with (and chewing on) a shard of broken glass.

//this concludes the post about my cat.

Because I'm up anyway.

So I'm still up for this freaking woot off over at Now its a freaking keyboard that no one wants to buy but could you all please just buy it so we can see the next item so it can be over and I can go to bed? I mean I can't sleep while it's a freaking woot off. What if the next item is a toaster oven for 20 bucks -- I would be all over that! Or maybe another radar detector -- or something for my new car -- or god only nows what low priced and maybe refurbished item will be next that I HAVE to have.

So I figured I'd take this opportunity to tell you about the police dispatcher school I'm going to be going to next week. There's two issues with this. First, I'm gonna be in Decatur all day so I'll be missing class. They're gonna pay me for 8 hours at least per day and they'll write me an official excuse or whatever for class. And at first I was all "I can't miss class!" But then I realized that I skip class all the time anyway and at least I'll be getting paid for it. I was also previously told that I wouldn't have to do this until I had been there for somewhere between 6 months to a year.

Ohh new woot. Looks like walkie-talkies. I don't need walkie-talkies.

Anyway so now they're all "hows tuesday for you?" Apparently this class just showed up and they figure hey -- lets send the girl who fucks up all the 10-71s -- shes a keeper!

So after next week, I'll have a huge paycheck because I've been working my ass off sitting over there doing NOTHING while T plays Zelda on his Nintendo DS. AND I'll be officially licensed to look up all your criminal histories at will! Well, ok, so I'm not allowed to do it without authorization -- but the fact is if I really wanted to, I could totally look up all sorts of shit about you -- HA HA! Of course I could do that now... but next week I'll have semi-permission from the FBI. Ooooooo be impressed. I suppose I still can't tell you all the juicy gossip I get at work though. That sucks.

Still no new woot. Hurry up, people -- you know you want to buy those walkie-talkies.

Oh and if you heard something like this over the police radio the other day:

"10-71" "10-9 10-blah blah blah" "Oh he's just making fun of you now *snicker*" "shut up!" *pushes button* "10-22 YOU KNOW I MEANT 10-70" "10-4" "tag comes back to a _________ blah blah blah..." *T points frantically on the screen* "... On a ummmm 1997 ... KAWA? What the fuck is a KAWA?" *buttons still down* "Kawasaki" "Kawasaki? How the fuck am I supposed to know that? ... 1997 Kawasaki black in color expires 10/06" *buttons still down* "current" " oh. current" "negative 29's" "yeah and negative 29s"

Don't worry -- lives weren't in danger -- that was just me. Fucking up. A lot. Ok, so I'm exaggerating. Kinda. Sorta. Maybe.

I was so horribly embarrassed. I swear everyones going to think I'm a total dumbass. A dumbass that the holy saint we know only vaguely as "steph" sent down from the heavens but who could not live up to the standards set by the all holy -- everyones favorite dispatcher -- the all mighty steph. I swear to god -- why would you leave a job where everyone loved you that much?

TV show idea

I've got the best TV show idea. And maybe there's not enough for a full seasonal show -- but maybe a few network specials -- or even a segment on a show. I can totally see Conan O'Brian doing it. What is it?

Get this -- picture it: Famous people's college (or otherwise) roommates. How awesome would that be? Hell, maybe it's a jaded sibling or someone who spent a week on a family vacation with them. And I'm not talking about just "stars." Sure, stars are fun -- but what about politicians, musicians or anyone famous enough to be known.

I mean you can hide your habits for 2 nights max, but if you live with someone for any amount of time -- you've got tons of dirt on them. Wouldn't you love to know about the cat fight Natalie Portman had with her roommate over groceries or a dirty glass? How about the fight Matt Lower had over his roommate having sex in their shower?

It should be all about those petty little things that boil over and things that are completely different than their current "image." It would be AWESOME. Just put out a call for anyone who used to room with anyone famous -- it would be pretty easy to verify that they did, in fact, live together. Imagine the lawsuits that would be spurred! I can totally see Conan interviewing someone about someone who lived with an animal rights activist that once spit on their cat or bleached their roommates fish tank.

It should so happen. Have your people call me, Conan.

PS -- I was totally going to go to sleep over an hour ago but I just had to check woot and see that they're having a woot off. Dammit. Now I'll never be able to go to sleep. A minute ago my browser wouldn't refresh and they totally had a great price on a radar detector. I SO WOULD HAVE BOUGHT THAT. Last week I bought my mom a DVD/VCR combo for 40 bucks.

11 Months Post Op

11 Months Post Op
Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.
I'm posting my 11-months post-op post a few days early while I'm feeling positive. I just took this photo today -- that's me wearing a size 18 jean and holding up a size 26 (which I wore as soon as August last year).

Right now I'm somewhere around 232. And if we'll all recall, I was 325 last April and 313 in May when I had surgery. So thats 93 down since April and 81 down since the surgery.

So. I haven't done measurements yet for the month and it looks like I didn't do them at all last month. It's disappointing to do them and have lost nothing so I skip sometimes. This past week I've lost like 5 pounds. It's the poptarts. That's not real weight -- thats just junk flushed out of my body. The poptarts make my digestive system run rather fast. I'll leave it at that.

I'm psyched to be out of the 20-somthing sizes. Next up size 16! Steph tells me she has some 16 jeans shes gonna give me and I'm posting it so she has to. Ha!

Of course I still feel like a beached whale and my arms are HUGE. Today I about had an anxiety attack because there were a bunch of pretty skinny girls outside of the tech hall building where I had to go to class. I wanted to turn around and go home. So I'm still fat -- but a lot LESS fat -- and look at those jeans! *focus on the positive -- focus on the positive*

Light bulbs

So the other day the bulb in one of my lamps went out. I replaced it with a bulb from another less-important lamp. Then another bulb went out in a completely different lamp. So I went to Walmart and bought some light bulbs.

I got eight bulbs for like a dollar and a quarter. Eight bulbs. Eight. That's like 15 cents a bulb. What can you get for 15 cents? Nothing. You can't even have a piece of gum for that. Hell, you can't get a damn rice cake for 15 cents. I'm serious. If you bought a pack of rice cakes and divided it up, they'd cost more than a light bulb. What the hell is that?

These things are essential to our lives. ESSENTIAL. They give us light for months. They give us light. And they aren't plastic either -- they're metal and glass and they make light. Who doesn't have light bulbs? We all do. We need them. If you don't have light bulbs, DHR is gonna come take your kids away. And they're 15 cents. Less than 2 dimes. How'd that happen?

What's gas? It's like 2.70 now, isn't it? That's like 18 light bulbs. Eight-fucking-teen light bulbs or a gallon of gas that will get me all of 23 miles in my new Beetle. What is that? And milk? Milks like -- what -- 20 or more light bulbs. Thats FIVE four-packs of light giving glass or some milk that will expire in a week. Man, thats messed up.

Why are they so cheap? The price of everything is constantly rising but these wonderful little things are still only 15 cents. And raman noodles -- they're like 8 cents. What is that? I totally forgot they were so cheap. I was like -- "maybe I should get some raman noodles." And then I decided against it but I got them anyway because they're like eight fucking cents.

Why doesn't inflation affect light bulbs and raman noodles?

Don't ever try to show up the Beetle.

Today I had to go to the post office ($4.05 to mail a LETTER priority!) which was a wonderful excuse to joy ride in the Beetle. It's a perfect day for windows down and sunroof back and I took advantage of that.

As I've said before, that thing just gets up and goes. While I haven't been speeding in it, I have to admit I've been wasting lots of gas on that accelerator. Today was no different.

I was at the light on University waiting to turn left onto Research Park Blvd. I was at the front of the line so when the light went green I got to speed right on up around that curve. Now 2 lanes turn onto Research Park at this intersection and apparently the dumb ass in the other lane (to my right) didn't want to be shown up by a Beetle -- or perhaps he was joy riding too. So he floored it way harder than I did so he could zoom around me. I didn't really care, as I stopped accelerating before I met the speed limit (and I'm just joy riding here -- no desire to drive particularly fast) -- but he FLEW past me at about 70 or 80 (BEFORE we were even on the interstate). Then he went to pull into the lane in front of me but lost control of the car. What a dumbass.

The air was immediately thick with smoke as he went spinning off into the grass on the right of the interstate (perhaps he turned so hard at such a high speed as to fishtail?). Then the dumbass way over-compensated and went spinning across all 4 lanes to the left. (By now I've given the Beetle an excellent brake test -- it totally passed. Plus I was a good ways behind the guy when this happened because I'm not exaggerating his speed). I was sure he'd spin into on coming traffic but the deep grassy median was enough to stop him. He immediately got out of the smoking car so I know no one was hurt. But man, what a close call. All because he was being a dumbass.

And whats sad is that I didn't care about him -- I just cared that HE ALMOST HURT MY BABY! (And by baby, I'm sure you know I mean my car.) Man what if he had hit me?! I'd die! (And by die, I'm sure you know I'm referring to emotional distress over harm to my baby -- not harm to my own body.) Why drive so freaking fast? He had PLENTY of room to get in front of me without losing control of his freaking car and endangering himself, me, all the people behind us, and all the people in the oncoming lanes. What an idiot!

Easter Eggs

I dyed some eggs to get out some crafty energy and to keep/get my spirits up (I've lost a hundred pounds, got a new sweet-ass job and got my DREAM car and I'm still a little depressed. {I have my reasons but does the world need more writing about missed love?} That's right folks, I'm a hopeless case).

Aren't they so cute! These are my first ever "blown eggs" (punch holes in each end and blow the guts out). I dyed them with cheap easter dye and I totally got what I paid for. The dye looks like shit. I used acrylic paint for the accents. Some have lady bugs, some flowers, and some just patterns (stripes, swirls). Then I lacquered the shit out of them. Gotta love some spray on lacquer! Shiny pretty hollow eggs. Mmmm.

Mexican Chili

So I just missed the mark on my taco soup recipe and ended up with something way better than the soup. I'm gonna refer to it as Mexican chili. And I'm going to post the recipe here so that next time I can just search my blog for it. Plus maybe you'd want to make some. It's like taco/tortilla soup but it's more tomato-y and hearty like a chili.

Ingredients: 1 lb ground beef, 15.5oz can black beans, 15oz can mexicorn (corn + red & green peppers), 12oz can tomato paste, 1 packet taco seasoning, salt, red & black pepper

Directions: Brown beef in pot and drain excess fat. Add taco seasoning and some water -- simmer for a few minutes. Add cans (don't drain) and tomato puree + lots of salt and as much water as needed to fill pot (my pot isn't huge and it's soup so add enough water to make whatever quantity you decide is good). Simmer on low for half an hour. Season pot to taste.

Serve with sour cream and shredded cheese.

Guess what I'm wearing!

What am I wearing? I'm wearing the size 18 jeans that I bought before I had surgery when I was a size 28! Go me! I'm out of the 20s! WOO!

I'm gonna go text message everyone I know now.

New Job

I've been working all week. Yesterday I was at the dealership at 8AM and didn't get home from work till 11:30. Much more than I'm used to ;)

I'm loving the new job so far. Well, that is until last night when I felt like they had absolutely no confidence in my abilities and I'm almost positive that one of the officers called me a "dumb ass little girl." So that sucks, but before last night I was loving it.

It's a great gossip job. I've got so much awesome gossip that'd I'd LOVE to post, but I think that that would be illegal and I'm not up for paying the fines and serving possible jail time. It's also super boring. Right now I'm still training (even though I think i should be on my own by now -- I'm really thinking these people have no confidence in me at all. Steph, you need to call and put in a good word for me and see whats going on LOL). So while I'm training, I'm pretty much getting paid good money to sit there and talk all day. And when I get done training, I'll be getting paid good money to sit on my ass and surf the internet or do homework and occasionally say 10-4 and give the time. What a great job.

Last night was super busy though because of all the tornadoes. Plus the police radios stopped working and that was fun. There were so many people in the office that I just stepped out because I felt like I was just getting in the way. Of course T, who seems to be an absolute sweetheart and who is training me, said that THEY were the ones in the way. To be honest, I was way more worried about the damage all that hail might do to my new car. MY BABY HAD ICE RAINING ON IT AND ALL I COULD DO WAS WATCH. They were saying we might get base-ball sized hail. Luckily we just got a ton of nickle-sized hail. It was about the consistence of the ice you get from an ice crusher -- just a lot of it coming from the sky.

And I'm gonna have to fess up here and say that I wanted to run out there and throw my body over it to protect it. I even considered getting a blanket to cover it with. I can heal -- my babies paint job and body can't. Luckily we didn't get all that much damage. We just had a brief run in with a bunch of tornadoes around us.

Somewhere in there I heard one of the officers call someone a dumb-ass little girl and being that I was the only girl in sight, he had to be talking about me. I think he was referring to us telling him we hadn't heard anything about a watch around us and he could SEE the storm coming. I don't see how I play into that because by then, T had taken over the radio. Plus we were monitoring everything on the computer, the weather radio, and the TV and we can't tell you there's a watch if there isn't one. what do you want us to do, call the national weather people and tell them they are wrong? I'm hoping that maybe he was talking about someone else but I don't see how that's possible. Can you tell that it bothers me? I can't stand the thought of working with someone who already has such a low opinion of me before I've even STARTED. I hope it won't be that kind of environment, I'm not on anxiety meds anymore! Anyway, I was loving the job up until then and now I'm putting too much thought into what someone I don't even like may or may not have said about me in a very stressful moment.

Last night I went to sleep tired for once. And today I had a very nice relaxing day spent in bed with the cat. For once I didn't sleep all day because of depression. I slept all day because I deserved a break. It was nice.

Tonight I'm up because there's a concert outside of my window. And I don't mean loud music, I mean someone has set up a STAGE with a complete band and speakers and is having a concert -- right outside of my window. It started at 11PM. Apparently, when I play my radio too loud, I get RAs and cops at my door but they're allowed to set up a full on drum set outside of my windows at fucking midnight. I'm pissed. If it was nickleback or something, that's one thing -- but some little no names playing at midnight is a completely different thing. Maybe I wouldn't be quite so mad if I hadn't been reported multiple times for playing my radio too loud at perfectly reasonable hours.

And our poor parking lot! It's already too small for us, now it's full of freshmans who drove over here because they're too lazy to walk and are only here for the free beer being passed around so freely. I know, I'm being a total scrooge.

PS -- I'm still LOVING the car.

From the Volkswagen dealership

Please excuse the spelling errors in this post, we all know I can't spell -- it's nothing new. I'm sitting here at Volkswagen of Huntsville while they do some work on my car. It's new to me -- not the world.

I get the impression that it is strange for me to be waiting on my car. The guy asked me a million times -- "you're going to wait?" Yes. I don't see the problem. I'd take a shuttle if I didn't feel like waiting. And they have a nice comfy waiting lounge complete with TV, tons of magazines, and computers with free internet access. I'll survive.

I'll have a spare key after today too. A spare key that only cost a little over 300 dollars. Actually, closer to 350. I'm not paying for it though -- the dealership that sold me the car is. Same with the minor repairs that are being done today. They advertised it as "excellent" condition when it's not. Don't get me wrong, it's in good to fair condition, just not excellent. When they got there to pick it up, they found a broken cargo cover, a sunroof that doesn't work, and a chipped tail light -- the key was broken too. So all that's getting fixed today -- well not the tailight but it's hardly noticable so I don't care.

I might wash it this weekend if the storms don't do it for me. I want it to be all shiny and I've apparently driven it through lots of pollen! Everyone tells me it's a waste of money to wash the pollen off right now, but screw it I can wash my new car if I want.

This post will save you money.

You know how when your check engine light comes on, you have to pay over a hundred dollars to have a mechanic use his computer on it? They always charge an arm and a leg for those things because buying all the chips they need is expensive. Plus they just like to rip people off. I was going to have mine run tomorrow for 105. I know that's a lot of money, but I also know some people charge even more than that.

Naturally, I whined about this. Well, not so much whined as bitched. And don't ever say bitching doesn't get you anywhere. I mentioned it to Steph who informed me that Autozone would run it for free. And this is such a revelation that I didn't believe her. I had to go down there myself to prover her wrong. And another great point? Autozone is open till 9. Awesome. So I went down there and asked the guy who promptly ran my car and didn't charge me a freaking penny. In 5 minutes he told me exactly what was wrong... for free. FREE.

Some of you just drop your car off at the mechanics when something goes wrong so you might not know what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about it going to save you money at some point in the future. Next time one of your lights comes on, take it to Autozone who will tell you why it is on FOR FREE. Then you can tell the mechanic exactly what needs to be fixed on it and he won't have to use his precious computer which will cost you a lot of money (he also won't be able to charge you to fix something more expensive that you really don't need). In fact, if you know about this and don't do it, then you're a moron who deserves to have their wallet raped by a crooked mechanic.

I can not believe I never knew about this. I called my brother and father and they never knew about it either. In fact, my dad didn't believe me. You know why he didn't believe me? Cause we've been paying to have this shit done for years. And we go to Autozone for everything -- we just never knew this. I'm amazed. I'm seriously amazed. I was going to pay a mechanic to do that very thing at 8am tomorrow and now I don't have to. THANK YOU, STEPH! I will NEVER pay to have this done again. EVER. And since I'm only 23, this is going to save me thousands of dollars over my lifetime. I'm just SHOCKED that I never knew about this.

So good.

I just made a dinner so good I can't believe I made it. I want to share it and tell people that I made it. I even offered the neighbors some (they already ate). What did I cook? Pot roast with potatoes and carrots. The southern kind. The only thing missing was the cornbread which I chose not to make. And it was sooooo good that I'm going to tell you how to make it so you can make some and impress all your friends.

Buy a big hunk of meat. This one is Angus Beef Roast. That's an expensive hunk of meat, BTW. I paid 11 dollars for like 2.6 pounds. This goes into a oven roasting bag. (You could do it in a crock pot which is easier and how we've always done it before). Peel you some carrots and potatoes and toss those in the bag along side the roast. You don't have to cut them up unless they are like 1 pound potatoes -- they'll cook through, don't worry. Also quarter up some onion and add that along side. Then in another bowl or bag or whatever, combine a can of cream of mushroom soup and a can of cream of celery soup. Add stuff to that -- whatever you have around (think spices or condiments). I added dales sauce, garlic powder, seasoned meat tenderizer, and onion powder. Then add a little water -- however much it takes to cover the roast when it's in the bag. You want it just to the top of the roast -- more isn't going to hurt you, less will. Then tie off the bag and set it in a baking pan.

The temperature of the oven depends on how long you plan to cook it. When we do it in the crock pot, we put it in the night before and set it on "low." Then in the morning we turn it up to "high" and usually eat it around 1. The idea is to roast it sloooooooow. This can also cook for a lot longer than required. You're cooking the meat until it literally just falls apart so you can't really overcook it -- all the liquid makes sure of that. That's why this is a wonderful meal to put in the oven before you go to class or work or run a ton of errands. If you only want to wait about 3 hours, cook it on 325. I let mine cook for 5 hours on 300. If you want to leave it in while you're at work, I'd recommend 275 for 7 or more hours. I promise, you're not going to overcook it.

When you come home, you're house will smell absolutely delicious. You'll want to lick the walls -- I promise. If you're cooking it for someone else, they'll be drooling the second they walk in the door and begging to know when it will be ready. I was gone all day at work and class and when I came home this evening it was so nice. For once my apartment smells like something good and not some strange chinese food or dead fish that chinas thawing on the counter.

You'll know it's done when the meat falls apart -- you should be able to separate it easily with a plastic spoon. The veggies should also be super easy to cut -- again, the plastic spoon should do it. If you didn't add too much water, the gravy should thicken enough as it stands. If you want to make it even thicker, just add flour. Now enjoy!

Leftover keep wonderfully in the fridge. This is good by itself or perhaps you'd want rolls or cornbread. The leftovers make PERFECT cold OR hot sandwiches -- I'm fond of just the roast and mayonnaise and perhaps a slice of swiss cheese. YUM.

Cook it -- you won't regret it. And yes, it's expensive but it's also great quality and makes plenty of servings. You'll want leftovers too -- those sandwiches are to die for.

Did you see this coming!?

Have you seen the new release from Apple? Not a new product, but a free download to do what I sure as hell didn't see coming. Apple has released a FREE program that will allow you to install Windows on your intel Mac. And this isn't like virtual PC -- this is true dual boot. Wow. AND IT'S FREE.

I'll tell you what, I didn't see that coming at all.

I wanted a shiny new Mac before, but now I REALLY want one! I have to use windows for school and virtual PC is soooo slow. DUAL BOOT MACS! How fucking awesome. And "Boot Camp" is just such a super cute name.

Now they need to release some new iPods or make them cheaper or something. I've been working at lot of hours so in 2 weeks, I've got a huge paycheck coming my way. Who says I'm not one to throw it all away on one purchase ;) Of course there's also so many things I want to buy for the Beetle. BEETLE!

Stabbed with an exacto knife

Two nights ago I had a bit of a mishap. I kinda accidently stabbed myself with an exacto knife. My thumb, to be exact. I can't help it if I get crafty in the middle of the night.

And when I say this, I don't want you to think I'm exaggerating. My entire hand was covered in blood and it was pouring off me. At the same time that I was actually wondering if it could be deep enough to make my thumb turn gangrene and rot off, I was cupping my other hand trying to catch the blood because it's a white rug and I don't want to stain this shirt! And do I have to go to the ER?

Don't worry, the bleeding stopped after I applied pressure for a while. And the knife is brand new so it was a super smooth thin stab. Now my thumb is just all bruised.

I can't tell you how many times I've about cut off my thumbs. Don't let anyone tell you crafts are for pussy girls. You should see my stained glass workstation -- it's totally stained in blood. When you're trying to wedge sharp glass into the square frame using a hammer, there are lots of forces being applied and flux and oil is slippery, and well, things happen.

I think I picked this up from my dad. He used to do carpentry in moms basement and I followed him around like a puppy. All that wood and nails! It was like blocks on steroids. He'd let me play and make things too. I had piles of "toys" I made. And lord I got in trouble when I used a spool of lead solder to make wire sculptures. Apparently, that's dangerous. Anyway, my dad works hard and when your hand gets cut you don't let go cause it's got to get done. He always had torn up hands. Unfortunately, I'm the same way. I know they'll heal and once you're bleeding the damage is done -- you can bandage it after you get that last nail in.

It's funny because if I'm working on something and super focused, I barely even flinch when a knife goes more than half an inch into my finger. But normally, I get upset over a paper cut. That's what dedication will do, baby.

Flower Shopping

If any of you were wondering if owning a Beetle is as good as I had always hoped it would be and if all my expectations have been met -- or if, like usual, I'm disappointed... let me tell you, it's so much better than I thought it would be.

I get so excited when I'm driving it! I wonder if people watch me drive by like I used to watch Beetles go by. I've already heard little girls pointing out my car and telling their parents that they want one.

When I was driving home from Birmingham, I noticed the bend of the windshield... and it looked like a beetle -- it took me a long time to get that bend right when I draw them -- and then I realized all over again THAT IT IS A BEETLE AND IT'S MINE. Same thing happened when I saw its shadow today. It's funny that I know it's curves so well.

I feel so cute driving it. It just makes me feel cuter -- even just owning it. Yes, I drive a Beetle and have a Mac. I almost want to dye my hair pink again just so I can own a Beetle and a Mac and have pink hair. Because I am a totally awesome person like that. I love me.

Today I went flower shopping for it. I had to find just the right flower for the bud vase. I hit up Michaels. I went down the aisles gathering all the things I considered possibilities. Poppies would have been something unique. I looked at all colors of daisies -- I considered a rose. Maybe daffodils or buttercups? I even picked up a purply blue bunch of hydrangea flowers. Perhaps a lily? I went up to the cashier and said that I had just purchased a Beetle and I had to find just the right flower for it -- "There it is right there -- the blue one -- hey beetle!" (Yes, I know some people think I'm a total bitch and others see me act like this in public. I'm a box of chocolates, yall.) I asked her if I could just carry this bunch of flowers out there to pick the right one. She let me! So I went out and sat in the car and held up each flower -- too blue, too bright -- too big, ugly -- unique for a reason...

I settled on a bright yellow sunflower. I like the size and look and I love the contrast of the yellow against the dark blue. Plus it's not a daisy -- everyone uses daisies. So then I had to decide just how high I wanted it. Then I went back into the store, put back all the flowers I decided against, and entered the flower arranging room. I needed heavy duty wire cutters -- and surely they won't mind ;)

I then spent 10 minutes in the parking lot getting it in just the right position. Then I walked around the car and looked at it from every angle.


I love it!

Pictures of my NEW BEETLE!

Well, I want to gush about how awesome my new car is -- and a picture is worth a thousand words! Browse the pics for captions about features and such. Oh, and to look and me posing with it... a lot.

Yall, this car is so much better than I ever imagined it would be. I'm serious when I say that. It's a dark blue (and purple in the sunlight) 2001 Volkswagen Beetle -- Luxury class (meaning every option and upgrade you can get is on it) and a TURBO engine. My dad and brother LOVE driving it because of the power. And my brother and his wife are now actually considering getting one -- THATS how much everyone loves it. And please note how much room there is inside! I'm small by no means (in the width category) and my brother is 6'6" or more and we both fit really comfortably -- even both of us riding in it together.

There are so many awesome little things that I know I can't list all of them. I tried to get most of them in the picture captions. But some things -- like the fact that the seats have little levers that act as jacks to move them up or down -- or the ingenious way the back seats fold down, or the millions of positions you can adjust the steering wheel -- those things can't be captured in pictures. I guess you're just going to have to let me show it off in person ;)

This car is beyond nice. There's no way I need something THIS nice. Holy shit it is SO AWESOME.


I'm telling you, there will be arguments over who rides to Florida with ME this year! And everyone's going to take this car every chance they get. No one in my family (aside from Heidi) much cared for Beetles before, but they've all been won over -- and won over hard. Everyone got to drive it before I even got to see it and they called me to gush about how awesome it was!

Also, it's so sweet that my family is so happy and excited for me. They all know how much I've always wanted one, and they're glad to see me finally get it. It's really touching. My dad and sister went and had it detailed and polished and waxed and totally made new again before I saw it because they wanted it to be perfect when I finally got to see it. So sweet!

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