Sorry, had to say it again.

My Beetles being held hostage!

Ok, so I know yall think I post about every little thing I do -- but in reality, there are lots of things I've not posted about lately for various reasons. One of those is the possibility that I might get a Beetle.


Cropped back story: My dad has finally settled with the state and is bound and determined to buy me a car. Well, naturally all my siblings are jealous and mad about it (though they're not admitting it to my face and if they read this blog secretly they'll take offense, I'm sure). I've not wanted to post about it because it hasn't been for sure. The settlement kept going back and forth and getting pushed back and dads been talking about this settlement for as long as I can remember, so I didn't want to count on it. Well, that didn't stop me from getting all excited at the prospect only to have my hopes dashed and then built back up again and the dashed... and so on.

Then Dad was finally supposed to settle this past monday but he didn't call me. He didn't call me Tuesday either. Naturally, I was bummed. Then TODAY, my sister calls and asks me if I'm sure I want a Beetle and not something else like a civic or something. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? And then she says how its got all these bad reviews and if i need to get it fixed id have to special order parts and such and such -- and it's like dude. DUDE. I've wanted a Beetle since I was a little kid -- literally. Everyone knows I want a Beetle. Hello? Have you met me? My little nephew has a toy Beetle that he calls "Karen's car." I didn't even tell him that's the kinda car I wanted -- someone else did. Why? Because everyone knows that Karen wants a Beetle. Do do I want another car? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO and NO. I don't even know cars. The only cars I know are cars people I know own. And Beetles. I have no desire for any other car -- they're just cars. There's cars and Beetles as far as I'm concerned. I WANT A BEETLE.

They're driving up to Tennessee to pick it up right now. RIGHT NOW. I don't get to see it. They aren't even gonna drive by here and let me see it (even though Huntsville is on the way). Dad says he has to take it to Bham to get it registered and stuff. WHAT? So my sister gets to drive it home and stuff until I go back home to Bham. Man my sister gets to drive it before I do! I've never even been IN a beetle.

I'm so excited I can't sit still. I OWN A BEELTE! I OWN A BEETLE! I OWN A BEETLE! And they're holding it hostage in Bham! I OWN A BEETLE! I OWN A BEETLE! IT'S MINE. It's dark blue. That's all I know about it. It's a dark blue beetle. I don't know what year it is or anything like that. I KNOW IT'S MINE THOUGH!


Oh shit my eyes are tearing up. LOL. Litterally. HAHA. I gotta figure out when I can get back to bham and GET MY NEW BABY!

Oh pictures will be posted. I promise.


Gummy Vitamins are too good to be true.

*pops 5 in her mouth*

My iPod: The magic 8 ball

This looked TOO fun! Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you?
Billy Brown - Third Day (In other words -- I'M A ROCK STAR! WOO!)

Will I have a happy life?
Twenty Four - Switchfoot "Twenty-four failures And twenty-four tries. Twenty-four finds me In twenty-fourth place With twenty-four drop outs At the end of the day." (Well, damn. That sucks.)

What do my friends really think of me?
There is a Treason at Sea - DC Talk. "I am solo In this world of wet. And bitter is my temperament." (Um... That sucks too. What the fuck is this? Can I set this to my favorite songs or something and THEN play? *Just a game, Karen -- Just a game*)

Do people secretly lust after me?
Better Luck Next Time - Lifehouse. (HARSH DUDE!)

How can I make myself happy?
I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys (Hmmm, so I'll be happy when I get what I want. Beetle and hot husband coming up! PS: I don't know how Backstreet boys got on here. HONEST. Shut up!)

What should I do with my life?
Keep it loose, Keep it Tight - Amos Lee (HA! Good answer! *claps*)

Will I ever have children?
Word of God Speak - Kutless. (I guess God gets to pick?)

What is some good advice for me?
My Tribute - Andrea Crouch (WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT? Why is this on my iPod? -- No way man, I get to ask that one again)

What is some good advice for me?
Head over Feet - Alanis Morissette Dive in baby!

How will I be remembered?
Typical Situation - Dave Matthews

What is my signature song?
Disillusioned Man - By The Tree (hmmm)

What do I think my current theme song is?
F-Stop Blues - Jack Johnson

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Satellite - Dave Matthews

What song will play at my funeral?
Fix You - Coldplay (Did I kill myself or something? And yall know I don't even really like Coldplay, right?)

What type of men/women do I like?
The Comforter Has Come - Jars of Clay (aww sweet)

What is my day going to be like?
All Creatures of our God - City on a Hill. (I don't know what the hell that means)

Now I get to make my OWN questions! Magic 8 Ball iPod, will I ever graduate college?
Push - Sarah McLachlan

Will I marry?
Give You Back - Vertical Horizon (DIVORCE!?)

Ohh Ohh, will I reach my weight loss goal?
I Don't Know - Third Day (such a typical 8-ball response)

Drugs for dogs.

I've started drugging my moms dog with Benedryl. And before someone yells at me, let me explain. This dog has some kind of problem. It's the absolute sweetest thing in the world but it must have a skin problem or maybe a psychological one. She gnaws on herself (especially her ass) constantly. And I'm serious when I say constantly. She can't stop. She does it all day and only stops to eat or sleep -- both of which are intermittently interrupted to continue the gnawing of her own ass. I've been telling mom to get the dog some benedryl and she agrees that she needs it, but shes been putting it off forever. So this week, we got her some.

Don't feel bad for her -- shes getting biscuits and french fries with pills stuck in them -- shes also getting relief from whatevers bugging her. Shes fine. And mom and I don't have to listen to and watch her gnaw herself. It's win win! Now she just sleeps a lot and intermittently gets up to get petted or see if we have more biscuits -- NO CHEWING! WOO!

I wanna drug everyones pets now. Remember how I'm not a pet person? (Even though I LOVE my Jack to death -- he still annoys the shit out of me when he thinks he can jump on my bed and lick his balls. I'm sorry but thats gross, it's always going to be gross, and he doesn't have to do it on my fucking bed -- I DON'T CARE IF "CATS DO THAT!") Well, now they can all still be totally cute and fuzzy and asleep all the time! How awesome is that? Just pass them a pill!

Oh shut up, I'm only kidding. Well, kinda. No, I haven't given any other pets pills. Yet. KIDDING. maybe.


Today I went shopping for a new bra and some jeans. I ended up getting the bra, jeans, shoes, a top, and a bathing suit. Oh well. The bra is a 38B - thank you. Now that I'm down to a 38, I get to choose from the gazillions of cute bras. My mom didn't even believe me. She said "you can wear a 38?" YES I CAN, MOM. Fun! The shirt - a XL. Yep. I cursed when I put it on. I believe me exact words were "Holy shit. It fits!" And thats not a guy XL either - that's a girl XL which is much smaller (believe me, I know). The bathing suit is a 18. I look fat in it but then I am fat so that's to be expected. When its not on me it's super cute though. At least I'll look better this summer than I have in years. And the jeans...

The jeans are a 20. Thats down from a 28! My goal is a 12 though so I suppose that's halfway. And the shoes... well the shoes are ugly shoes that I make fun of but then my mom said something like "wear some shoes that are in style!" And well, then you just have to buy them.

Then earlier this week, I went to a sale of salon products. The man that holds the sales sales things to the salons -- and this shit just piles up in his basement so 3 times a year he holds these sales. I've never been in on it and again, my sister-in-law forgot to tell me about it. But this time, I was home and happened to ask her when the next sale was -- and it was that day. Awesome! I went and bought tons of stuff! Bottles of products that sale for 30 dollars, he gives you for 1. That's no exaggeration. So I bought tons of hair products and even got a ton of Bed Head makeup. All and all I spent 30 dollars. And some of the stuff he just let me have for free -- I swear I've got somewhere between 300 and 400 dollars worth of stuff (and that's not an exaggeration -- it might push 400). I also gave the man my phone number and told him to CALL ME for the next sale (I got there after a bunch of stuff was already sold out -- these whores buy it ALL and sell it on eBay). So now I have a huge bag of expensive makeup and I'm psyched. I just want to sit down and play with all the pretty colors. I've always been jealous of my sister-in-laws makeup collection (which she has established from going to these sales). And girls, Bed Head makes the best eye shadows HANDS DOWN. I'm serious when I say that. Try some out.


Great news ...on a blah day.

Today has been a bad emotional day for me. Even though it's been a really good day. I stayed in bed until 3pm -- not because I was tired but because I didn't want to get up and face life. I stayed in bed and pouted and pitied myself and mourned over the recent changes in my life. I'm a fun person like that. I'm not looking forward to jumping back into school again -- especially considering that Monday I have a test and 2 programs due. And I miss my friend terribly.

However, I did finally drag my ass out of bed and have a shower and a bowl of cereal. I put on new expensive makeup and used my new hair products to do my hair. I even shaved my legs in the shower and anyone who has been truly depressed before will be impressed by that. I even played with Jack who was bothered by the fact that I stayed in bed so long.

So why do I say it's a good day? Well, I got a job today. I gotta give Steph major props for that because without her, I'd not have gotten it. Thanks Steph! I start training Wednesday at 8:30 AM. If you ever want to harass me at work... just dial 911. Yep, I'm gonna be a police dispatcher for the UAH police department. On the weekends that is. I'll work 2 days a weekend and get one weekend a month off. My shifts will be 8 hours and according to Steph and the police chief, I'll pretty much be doing nothing. He told me to bring things to study. I'm hoping I'll be able to pick up the campus WiFi with my laptop which would mean I'm just switching my laptop staring locations from my bedroom to the police department where I get paid. Maybe I could get some reading done. Or hey, I could ACTUALLY study. Plus -- No dress code! Is this not the most awesome job ever? And it's so close to wear I live -- I walk further to class.

So -- good day, just not feeling good.

Botanical Gardens with Cole

Today me and mom took my nephew Cole to the Birmingham Botanical Gardens (I'd find you a link, but I'm on dial-up). When I was little, me and mom went to Botanical Gardens all the time -- maybe not every weekend but more often than not. It was free and we both enjoy gardens and flowers. I'll always have fond memories of going there with her and wondering the trails. It's also why I know so much about plants.

The Birmingham gardens are still the nicest I've ever been to (even beating out the Cleveland gardens with the Butterflies). They're also 100% free. It's truly so amazing that it is free with all the upkeep that is required. But it's located in the richest neighborhood so all the old rich women volunteer and then when they die they donate all their money to the gardens. Wedding are held there all the time and everyone goes there on school field trips. And thanks to mom, I went there all the time as a child.

Today with Cole was so much fun. I'm in better shape than I ever have been (still not IN shape though). So I raced him everywhere (5 year old kid) and he tired out and ran out of breath long before I did. I won every time too ;) I've never been one to run down any kind of path, so I'm super proud of myself. I also climbed the gates to the Japanese Gardens.

If any of you have ever been there (I'm sure you haven't), you know the gates to the Japanese Gardens. These are large bright red oriental entrances. Also fun to climb on. Everyone has pictures of themselves at those gates and every kids climbed on them... well, every kid except for me. See, while all the other skinny kids could climb to the top, I never could. I was never a climber. So I was always the one on the ground looking up. Until today.

Today I can proudly say that I ran all the way down the paths to the Japanese Gardens (my favorite) and I climbed to the top of the gates where I perched my big ass and waited for everyone else to catch up (they had to catch up to ME. Uhuh). It was AWESOME. I was tickled pink with myself -- I always wanted to get up there! I wish I had taken a camera to capture my conquering moment, but alas, I shall have to do with telling my 3 ghost readers.

The gardens were great and beautiful as always. The tulips were GORGEOUS and we saw some purple poppies! I've never seen purple poppies in my entire life. Cole wasn't the biggest fan because of the long walks and the fact that it wasn't like "the real park." I enjoyed it though.

Jack got a new collar

JAck got a new collar today. It's a dog collar but I liked it. I even took the bell of his old collar and put it on this one so he can jingle!

Ok, so this post is just an excuse to post pictures of the pets. I admit it. This second picture is Bonnie and Jack playing together. Yes, they're really playing. No, they haven't hurt each other. If Bon Bon ignores jack, he'll pounce at her or run around in front of her or paw at her tail and paws. Bonnie likes to chase him around the house too. Unfortunately Jack doesn't get along with my sisters cat, Mena (lame name, I know. Her full name is Willa Mena Murry Harker or something like that -- it's a character in some book). And when Mena hisses at Jack, Bonnie runs in and gets between them. It's SO CUTE!

The last picture is just Bonnie for cutness sake. Can I get a collective "Awwwwww" from the girls?

Where are the kid's meals? And whats with spaghetti?

So now that I can actually eat a small meal and feel ok about it, everyone stops with the kids meals. Milos doesn't have them. Neither does Gutheries. And Tenders doesn't either. I just want like 3 chicken fingers and some coleslaw -- not a whole freaking meal (which is a plate of 5 chicken fingers, fries, texas toast, and coleslaw -- at Gutheries and Tenders they don't have many options. You want a plate or you want a sandwich. Period). And at restaurants the kids meals are always spaghetti.

I have a strong aversion to spaghetti. Did you know that? I can't stand it. And by it, I mean the noodles. If you make the exact same dish with bowties or ziti I'm fine with it. In fact I even eat the flat long noodles which shall not be named because I can't spell them and spellchecker won't help -- but don't give me spaghetti noodles. Ever. They bother me. They kinda disturb me. I know, the other day someone told me I was neurotic. No one ever called me that before.

I think it's a variety of things that brought me to a hatred of spaghetti. First, it doesn't hold sauce. It doesn't make sense to me. Why use spaghetti noodles when bowties or ziti or the little swirlies or shells or pretty much any of the other pasta shape holds sauce so much better? It's stupid. Second, spaghetti is a poor dish. As in poor people eat spaghetti a lot because its cheap and easy. I grew up super poor and have a complex about not wanting to be a poor person. I was raised to have some class. We were dirt poor, but we didn't act poor or show it. That's how I was raised.

Third, my dad makes the nastiest spaghetti either. I didn't have to eat his spaghetti much until I moved in with him -- which everyone knows as the year that fucked me over for a lifetime. Hey, I'm not saying anything by that -- it was just a real bad time for me. And during that real bad time, dad cooked a lot of spaghetti. And his spaghetti has chunks of vegetables in it. It had slices of carrots, man. That's not right. Also, on my birthday of that fateful year we had a family dinner... of spaghetti -- which even then was my least favorite thing. But my sister wanted spaghetti. My sister who moved into my bedroom and was in a bad accident so I had to take care of her and I resented her to hell and back (wrongly) for it.

I hate spaghetti. A lot.

So I have issues -- we all have issues. In fact that should be my next shirt design. On the front: "We all have issues." On the back: "I blog mine."

If you ever questioned whether or not I am in fact THE shit...

I you ever questioned whether or not I am in fact THE shit, you need only look at the shirt I just made. Yes. Yes, my friend, that really is the Zoloft blob crying alone in the desert at night and in desperate need of a hug. Yes, I know I am awesome.

This is where creativity, meets good eye, meets photoshop skills, meets craftiness, meets just the right touch of cynicism and humor. This is where I live. Bow before me.

Holy shit this is the best T-shirt EVER. EVER EVER even. My god I am tickled pink with myself. I'm so wearing this tomorrow.

Addendum: This design was kinda cathartic. It was a joke in my mind about how I'm feeling right now. I wanted the depressed little blob because I'm really down right now. And the text I REALLY wanted to put on there just wouldn't have been right of me... so... now it's the most awesome shirt ever.

talk nerdy to me

talk nerdy to me
Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.
Why, oh why did I never think of making my own shirts before!? I'm loving this! They're SO CUTE. This is my second venture. I love it. I'm loving the slightly rough look the process leaves. I loved the way this one turned out so much that I ransacked my closet looking for something else I can print on.

Need. More. Shirts.

Thin my ass!

Have any of you seen the Motorola Razr in person? Sure it looks wonderful on the commercials and websites. I've been lusting after one myself -- ask Steph. Then last night I was in Walmart shopping for t-shirt making materials (man you can get everything from brocolli to tampons to cell phones at walmart. Then you can have your film developed while you get your nails done). Anyway, so I see a Razr on the cellphone display. Well, I gotta check that shit out!

Dude, I have a notepad smaller than that thing. And I don't mean that in a sarcastic sense either. I mean I literally have a notepad smaller than that phone. It's huge! Who cares how thin it is when it's that wide and long? I picked it up to mimic talking on the phone with it and it just felt gross. It just felt gross. Horrible design. Horrible. And because it's so thin, it has no balance. Other clam phones are way smaller overall than the Razr. Hell, my cheap ass 30 dollar cell phone is a lot smaller than the Razr. Talk about advertising hype!

And the Slvr? You know the candy-bar version of the Razr? They had those too. Same thing. I know I have small hands, but I should be able to grip a cell phone. And the keys on the Slvr are all smushed together!

Man, I was seriously wanting one of those phones. I even froogled and searched around to see the best price I could get. I was seriously trying to figure out if I could possibly get one. Man, what a waste of time. Seriously, go LOOK at these things. Who cares how thin it is? Notecards are thin too -- but I don't want to hold one up to my ear and talk on it!

My first screen print t-shirt!

My first screenprint!
Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.
Well, when I posted that last post, I didn't plan on doing a shirt so soon. Lord I got that crafty vibe going though and just couldn't stop. I was at Walmart at 1 am buying the supplies. And here's my first shirt!

The method I used is the cheap (AKA bootlegged) screen printing process found on this WONDERFUL picture tutorial. I used a old gap shirt that was already hanging in my closet so it was free!

As I said before, I wanted one of those cute mario video game geek 80s vibe t-shirts but they all cost 30 dollars. Well, when all was said and done -- I spent 40 dollars on all the supplies I bought. I think that's fair though because I have the stuff to do TONS of shirts now. As you can see in the picture, I went with a goomba. I LOVE the 1-up and bonus mushrooms but those are everywhere. I haven't seen and goomba shirts though! I did the pattern in photoshop. I love the way it turned out! I'm thinking of putting a word below the goomba but I don't know what I would put. Any suggestions? I don't want to put "goomba" because now that's associated with those books the soprano guy wrote. I want something cheesy like "boom" or something. I might just leave it plain -- I think it turned out super cute.

Anyone want a goomba shirt? I've already got the pattern -- you could mail me an old tshirt and like 10 bucks (part of that would be shipping it back to you). I'm totally serious about that too. Email me if you're interested.

Now I'm going to do something on that pink gap-shirt in the previous posted pictures. No idea what yet.



I want to make my own T-Shirts. You know the type -- the Super Mario shirts A, B, & C. And yes, even the Office Space shirts. I've always liked these shirts even though they're so overdone and cliche by now. They're still super cute. And now is such a good time to get one. I need some new clothes desperately (in that "all mine are 2 sizes too big sense") but I don't have the money to buy a bunch of stuff.

So why not make my own? I have an excellent printer and I could easily buy the transfer paper -- or I'm beyond good enough to freehand something. So the question is -- how exactly do I go about it? First, where could I get the shirts? I don't want the over sized guy t-shirts. I want the girl cut T-shirts. Like Old-Navy t-shirts. Where can I get them? I think I might go by old navy and see if they have any on sale -- the problem is that I want BLANK t-shirts.

Second -- whats a good way to do the design? Is printer transfer paper a good way? Any suggestions? Also, anyone want to buy one? Sure, you can buy anything online these days -- but I'll do WHATEVER design you want. Plus youre donating to a good cause -- the "me" cause ;)

My roommate, pet, general annoyance and comedic relief.

I'm posting this picture for two reasons. The first most pushed back reason is that I think I look fatter in this one than I do in the previously posted one so it's fair to post them both. Yes, my arms are huge.

Second, I was mean to Jack this morning and I feel bad. I didn't sleep last night so this morning I was in a bad mood. I wanted to fall asleep. And I was hot too. Jack wanted me to get out of bed because life cannot commence for him until I get out of bed. So every time somebody part poked out from the covers (remember, I was hot), he would commence with the licking. I figured if I ignored the licking, he would figure out that I was asleep and leave me alone. If I didn't respond to the licking, he bit me. (And to all the cat haters, he wasn't really biting me. If he wanted to bite me for real, he totally has the teeth to do that). Then I would throw him off the bed. Only he thought I was playing so he'd get all excited and come running back. Repeat that process a few times. Then he started playing ON ME. Jumping around and pouncing wrinkles in the blankets and pawing at my face.

I know, it's SO sweet and adorably cute, but I hadn't slept all night -- and I was hot too. So I started to contemplate how to make it end. I could shut him in the closet...

No, I didn't shut him in the closet. In fact, the very thought that I had thought of shutting him in the closet made me sick. That's abuse. My sister used to lock my favorite dog in the closet and I'm still fucked up from that. And he doesn't know any better -- he not TRYING to annoy the ever living shit out of me. So I got up.

And now that I had raised from the bed and petted him and his life could commence -- he went in the living room and went to sleep.


So anyway, I felt bad for having thought of shutting him in the closet and having thrown him off the bed three times. So tonight he got a gourmet kitty dinner of filet minion and gravy and then came running to me to fart in my lap. He loves me.


How come the box of raisins lists "raisins" as the ingredient? Shouldn't it list grapes instead?

I love raisins -- plain though. I don't particularly like them in things.

When I worked at Steak & Ale, I had to keep the massive salad bar stocked -- one of the things on it was raisins. There was a huge box in the pantry of raisins -- a giant block of them that you'd have to chip raisins off of. Once I went back to get some raisins and there was a rat in the box. True story.

Bottled Sanity

My sanity is in a bottle above the mini-fridge. Where's yours?

Oy. Is it 10 months already?

Yes, it's been 10 months since I had my insides rearranged (RNY gastric bypass -- EIGHT FEET of intestines bypassed). Am I where I thought I'd be at 10 months post? Fuck no! I'm hanging out at 240lbs. I still feel obnoxiously fat and unattractive. [Oh, was I supposed to sugar coat that? Sorry.]

I only lost 3 pounds this past month -- but that's still a loss. I'm drinking my water. Yesterday I drank 2 quarts of sugar free grape kool-aid. That's a lot of kool-aid. I'm back on track taking my vitamins like a good little patient. Two day ago I threw away about 200 dollars worth of bras that were just impossible to wear anymore. I'm still hanging out at a size 22 pant but I'm being forced to retire my 24s. I think they'll go today. My old pinky ring is currently on my ring finger. I've lost 9 inches in the chest and in the hips too. My breasts look remarkably larger (they aren't). When I did laundry this past Friday, I threw away a bunch of socks that were too big. That's something you don't hear many people say ;)

One of my scars is bothering me. It's kinda hard to explain -- it just aches sometimes or hurts when you touch it. Nothing severe or particularly annoying, just something I thought I'd note.

So I was 313 when I had the surgery on May 16th -- that's 73lbs down. And I was 325 in April so that's 85lbs down. I can't even LIFT 85lbs. The picture above is one I took today vs one from late 2004. Lord that's a lot 'o hips! And just to show the progress of the weight loss: here's my weights at various recorded times:

2005 April: 325
May: 313
June: 297
July: 288
August: 280
October: 266
November 260
December: 255
2006 February: 243
March: 240

I don't think I'm gonna make that 160 goal.

a brain the size on a ping pong ball

I lost another best friend. Sucks. I'm down to very few people in the world who actually give a shit that I'm alive (and 90% of those are directly related to me). And of those that remain, one of them plays in the trash can and has a brain the size of a ping pong ball.

It's really sad that the only reason I got out of bed today was because the cat made me. He's cute.

Alternate title for this post: Man those force-flex trash bags ain't lyin'

Reasons #3 & 4 Why I Hate My Roommate

#3: She seems physically incapable of pushing her chair in. In fact, she's never once pushed it in. This is particularly annoying since its the first thing you'll bump into when you walk in the front door. She just walks around it. I don't get it.

#4: She never folds her umbrella. She just comes in and drops it -- exactly like you see in the picture. In fact, nothing in this picture was staged -- the chair was there, the umbrella was there (right in front of the front door) -- I just snapped the picture. Seriously.

Reason #2 Why I Hate My Roommate

When she brushes her teeth she makes this weird noise that I have yet to figure out. It sounds rather like someone shaking a can of spray paint. Surely this is not a human sound. I've tried to figure it out -- I've picked up various things around the sink and shaken them -- nadda. What the hell IS that sound?

China locked Jack in her room.

He's been wailing for an hour. Poor thing. I'm so pissed about this. I hope he shits in her bed.


I called the RA to come unlock the door and let him out. It was the bitchy RA -- go figure. She even gave me the smart ass, super sarcastic "are you authorized to have a cat?" Yes, I am -- now come over here and unlock the door because that's your job.

Anyway -- please note that this will be reason #1 why I hate my roommate -- part of the new "Why I Hate my Roommate" series. Sure, it's been around for a while -- but it never had the official series title.

Conan goes to Finland

Tonights Conan O'Brian is dedicated to Conan's trip to Finland. My god I wish I was recording this. I'm crying from laughing so much.

I just reached the point of laughing so hard I can't breath and I swear to god I just slapped my knee. Dear god if any of you have recorded this, please send me a copy.

Living in the Bible Belt

I live in the middle of the Bible Belt. This is where I was born and raised and this is all I know. We have churches on every corner. And when I say "churches on every corner" I don't mean that as some lofty exaggerated term. I mean where my moms house is in Birmingham, there's 4 churches right next to each other at one intersection -- and down the road at the next turn, theres another church -- and up the road theres two more.

When you go to the movie theater, you sit through church ads that are mixed in with the others. While watching TV, you see commercials for churches like coca cola. Everyone here has some experience with Christianity -- period. If you don't go to church -- well, you just haven't found the right one! Go check your mail -- there's church flyers in there, I promise (though I find that this is more so in Birmingham than in Huntsville).

I wanted to post this because I realize that some of you aren't from a place like this. Some of you would find this strange. I like it -- I find it comforting in some odd way. I like that on Sunday morning all the church parking lots are filled and no ones at the grocery store.

This post was inspired by two things. The first is that I just saw an ad for a Baptist church during the Martha Stewart show (Shes about to show us how to get garlic smell off your hands -- you know I have that problem A LOT). The only reason this stood out to me was that they were talking about meeting people and they said that THEIR church was the place to be. Yeah, I don't like that. I think the ads that stand out and actually make you want to look into it are the ones that just talk about god (or family is a big topic). They never mention the name of the church or where its located -- it's just an add encouraging you to seek out more information -- then at the end, in a non-flashy way you see that this commercial was paid for by _______ church.

The second reason this is on my mind is the recent church-burning spree. You might not have heard about it if you're not in Alabama, but here it's obviously all over the news. A group has been running around burning churches all over the state. Nine in all, I believe (in just over a week). They were caught yesterday. It was a group of three well-off educated young men. How sickening. They did it for the "thrill." Ok. Why burn churches? Why not burn a gas station or something? The sad thing is that after burning 9 churches, they only face a charge worthy of 45 years in jail (5 years for each church). I think that's just horribly pathetic. Who burns a church?

I made a 60 on my physics test.

Of course thats better than the 40 I made on it the first time we took it.

The police got onto me twice yesterday. Like I'm some horrible deviant or something. The first time was in the form of a parking ticket. I'm real sorry that you've closed 60% of the parking lot but I have to have somewhere to put my car. It's not like it was in the way. Don't punish me for creativity.

The second was because I was sitting on a pier at the lake. I was depressed and I so I went to the lake to listen to depressing music and maybe get shot in a drug deal going bad. I mean I'm not gonna get tragically killed sitting in my apartment listening to depressing music, now am I? Apparently, just taking down the "keep off" sign does not negate its original declaration. Whatever. It's not like I'd drown in the shallow water.

So I declare tonight Taco Bell and Harry Potter night in name of my horrible mood. In the mean time, I might paint something. What should I paint? I know I need to paint the family portrait for my brother, but I'd rather do something expressive.

My tat is "loading"

Holy shit. This is the most awesome tattoo I have ever seen. No, I'm totally serious. First look at the gorgeous detail of the flower-- and holy shit -- it's "loading." Who's idea was this? This is the awesomist idea ever. I love it. (Here's the entire tattoo)

I want a tattoo that's loading! And no, I'm not even joking.

Hardware Lab

Hardware Lab
Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.

Here's a circuit I did in lab today. I figured it might be interesting for those of you who never had hardware labs. I had to do two circuits today -- this one was the first one I did. I had to make up the lab we did last time because I just plain forgot I had lab that day. It's a 4 input 2 output. The lame example is that you have a 4 bit binary code and it either allows you access to door 1, door 2, both doors, or neither.

BTW, I looked like a TOTAL weirdo taking a picture of this. Just so you know.

The second circuit I did was a 4 input, 4 output (BCD to excess-3 converter) using only NAND gates. I got the whole thing done (slightly more complex than the one in this picture) and when I tested it, 4 out of 9 outputs were wrong. Uhuh. And so the guy is like -- now you debug it.

Look at that. You debug that mess of wires -- I'd rather just start over. After a lot of checking the voltage to certain gates, we noticed that I was using the wrong chip. Yeah. And the he acted like I was an idiot. Hey, someone put that chip in the wrong drawer -- not my fault.

Well, at least there's that

It's only 9 AM and I'm already having a bad day. It's only Monday and I'm already having a bad week.

Great hair day though.

Physics lessons with Jack

The Dangers of Casual Science
Originally uploaded by KarenAlexa.
So tonight when I laid down for bed, Jack came over to see what was going on. As usual, I tackled him with my hand and wrestled him around a bit -- he loves that. I think he thinks I'm a giant kitten (he also thought Steph was a giant kitten when he ran across the room and attacked her leg the other day). Anyway, the room was pitch black (lately I've been sleeping without my trusted night light to try and get over this fear of the dark thing). And as his fur rubbed over the silky satin throw on my bed, I noticed odd lights. At first I thought it was the satin catching some glimmer of light from the window or the computer plug -- but when I tried to do it with my hands to figure out where the light was, it wouldn't work.

And then I remembered the triboelectric series from physics class. And I remember cat and rabbit fur being really high on the list, right. 'Cause my professor is Russian and has this really weird accent and he kept say things like "so you taking your pet rabbit and rubbing your rabbit against the rod of glass and your rabbit becoming positive" He used hand gestures to imitate rubbing a rabbit on glass -- this stuck in my head. So I grabbed jack again and turned him over and rubbed his back against the blanket (don't worry, he loved it). Sparks!

Well I'll be damned -- how fucking awesome is that? I feel so smart. I had to get out of bed to post about this.

Other fun fact's about triboluminescence:
+ Rabbit fur is more positive than cat fur. So if you rubbed a rabbit against a cat, the rabbit would be positively charged when you got done and the cat would be negative.

2. WintOgreen lifesavers are very triboluminescent. If you eat them in the dark and look in the mirror, you can see sparks. I learned that in Chemistry a few years ago. When the sugar splits, it splits so that one side is positive and the other is negative so electrons jump over the fishers to even out again -- that makes sparks.
This is why we go to college, yall. Moments like this.

Grapple review plug

I bought some Grapples. I reviewed them for Izzy's blog. Go read (http://izzy.typepad.com/ulreviews/2006/03/grapples.html).

I suck

I suck at disc golf, that is. I'm fully aware I suck at many things, but I'm just referring to disc golf at the moment. Let's backtrack:

So Wednesday night I couldn't sleep because of anxiety and subsequent anxiety attacks. This landed me a red rash a la' the stress induced hives. So I took some allergy pills sometime in the AM. That knocked me out. Pretty much for all of Thursday. I'd get up... and then fall back asleep. This is why I stopped taking the allergy pills. So I wake up last night at like 10PM. And I decided to stay up -- so I watched food network until about 4 AM when I decided it would be a fine time to get some groceries.

I've actually been meaning to get groceries all week, but I haven't and I've just not eaten much of anything cause I've been a bit down and I don't like to eat when I'm down cause then I get down on myself for eating when I'm overweight (I know, doesn't make sense). But then my cat ran out of food and so I went to get HIM food because I felt bad. And why not go at 4 AM? I wasn't doing anything anyway.

When I got home, I watched Signs and figured that I might as well stay up the rest of the day so that maybe I'll be really tired tonight. So I waited till the sun came up so I could play frisbee golf. I played. I sucked. The par for the course is 70. I probably hit 70 before the 11th hole. I will note that on the 10th hole (basket?) I had an INCREDIBLE shot. I couldn't believe I made it. (The fact that it probably took me 5 tosses to get to the point that I made the incredible shot from isn't important.)

I also played around in the creek trying to fish out someones disc. At some point though, I flipped it over and saw that it had someones number on it. See, that would mean I would have to actually return the disc, so I decided to give up. It wasn't worth falling into the creek when it's 40 degrees outside.

I also got hit on by a mexican that was working on the new ball fields. He asked me what my name was. Then he asked me how old I was. I kinda felt like an underage child being hit on by a pedophile. He said I looked 18. I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not... then he told me I was "a beautiful woman." That's when I decided to try to get away. So he got to stare at my ass for a solid 5 minutes while I walked down the street. It was actually kinda flattering...

Look how much I've accomplished -- all before 9 AM!


I just watched "Signs" - I'd never seen it before. Let me tell you -- that movie had me watching with my mouth agape, made me yell a few times (some just yells, and some more like "holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit"), plus it made my cry twice. So I'd say it was a good movie. Not the best movie I've ever seen, but it certainly held my attention. I'd recommend it -- especially for watching at 4 AM when you haven't slept in a very long time because of anxiety attacks.

Now that the sun has finally risen, I can go play frisbee golf!

I Love Toys!

*GASP* You know how much I loved the "I love the 80s" series on VH1 right? Well they tried to ride that wave all the way up to the early 00s and then we thought it was done. But no. It's not. Because now -- now there is going to be I LOVE TOYS!

Do you still sneak a peak through a View Master when you think no one is looking? Settle arguments with your sister over Connect 4? Maybe you and your friends like to get together and pass the time trying to take over the world with a little RISK? And when it's hot outside, is your first thought to bust out the Slip and Slide and Snoopy Sno Cone Machine? Of COURSE. Have we got a show for you.

I LOVE TOYS is our latest spin on the enormously popular I LOVE series, but this time with a little twist. We're counting down the 100 most famous -- and infamous -- toys you loved from your childhood. Whether you battled the evil forces of the Decipticons with your Transformers or fought for freedom with G.I. Joe, this special's got you covered. Perhaps you were more of an aspiring architect? Don't worry, we've got your Lincoln Logs, Legos and Tinker Toys, too.

Mr. Potato Head? Check. Pound Puppies? Yup. Barbie? Duh. Play Doh, Etch A Sketch and Candy Land? Yes, yes, and how could we leave it out, yes.

Grab some popcorn and get comfortable. This 5 hour special starts at 100 and counts all the way down to number 1! Our expert team of celebrities, musicians, actors and comedians will tackle every hard hitting issue you can imagine:

- What were all those monkeys doing in that barrel?
- Did you fancy yourself a Van Gogh while playing Pictionary?
- Could you use your Easy Bake Oven to make Shrinky Dinks?
- What exactly was INSIDE Stretch Armstrong?
- Why didn't anyone feed those Hungry Hippos?
- Does Strawberry Shortcake taste as good as she smells?

I LOVE TOYS answers them all!

I'm so excited that I wrote down the dates and times on my school work calendar. I might even miss my Monday night "Medium" for this. The commercial already made me laugh -- they were showing "Operation" and the girl (not sure who she was) chimes in with "I refuse to believe that it is this hard to be a doctor."

Lord this series is going to amuse the hell out of me.

Black Raspberry Vanilla fire balls!

So picture it: I just cleaned Jack's litterbox, gave him fresh food with a chicken liver treat centered on top of the pile (to shine some light into his poor tortured existence), vacuumed up the room, straightened up the bed, and lit a scented candle. So then I grab my bottle of Black Raspberry Vanilla Body Splash from Bath & Body Works and begin to spray various things in my room. I spray Jack's corner and then I spray my huge silk daisy and spray in the direction of the candle...

And get a half-foot high Black Raspberry scented fire ball.

I'm serious -- it was so awesome. And I gotta say, the Black Raspberry Vanilla scent the room now how is very overwhelming.

Folks, I have just discovered how to scent your entire room, 10 seconds before someone enters it. Got a girl coming over? Afraid the piles of dirty laundry and 10 bags of garbage you just hauled out might have scented the air a bit? Don't have time to wait for that scented candle to fill the room? Light yourself a candle and spray it with your favorite body splash. Your room will smell so overwhelmingly good that you'll have to open a window. Guaranteed.

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