I swear I'm either mentally retarded or stuck in a episode of "boiling point"

I went to Walmart (yes, the evil communist bastards that they are) and spent a hundred and fifty bucks yesterday. It's stuff I've been putting off getting for a long time now. Stuff like a vacuum cleaner (and ooo I got the cutest little vacuum ever!).

When I shop, I pass all those sweet treats that helped me gain so much weight -- and I'll be damned if i haven't had a single skittle in like 9 months. So my cart usually gathers a bit of junk to test my willpower. This is then distributed around the store as I finally tell myself "no Karen, you can't eat that. Ever. Unless it's a really special occasion -- then you can eat it." Things like the (sugar-free) cookies I picked up at the entrance. They ended up back with the milk. And ooo V8 makes a drink that is 100% real juice now -- and look at all the flavors! Who knows where that ended up. I should drink things that don't contain empty calories. Like unsweet tea sweetened with Splenda -- AKA my blood (picked up 2 gallons of that). Then I passed the cupcakes. Lord I love cheap cupcakes cause they have that super yummy icing! But it would make me sick. Of course I can be slightly sick -- I'm just hanging around at home - but no, there's no way I'm gonna buy a dozen. I'm sure I spent at least 2 minutes of my life I'll never get back debating on how yummy that cupcake would be -- but I resisted. Then the donuts -- aww cream-filled Krispy Kreme long johns! I'll be honest -- those made it all the way to the register before the angel on my shoulder knocked me a good one. So I made it out of the store safe with no bad junk. I'm wondering if it's bad that I want all that stuff -- or good that I resisted... Anyway...

So I come home with a TON of stuff to bring into the apartment -- And unfortunately I had to park reasonably far away. So I grab a ton of stuff and carry it to the apartment, place all those bag just inside the doorway and go back to the car. This time I come back with 40 pounds of cat-litter (fucking cat). I carried this 40 pounds of cat litter quite a ways -- and the heaviness was much. (And holy shit -- I've lost TWICE that). So I finally get to the door with this massive weight and I kick it only to find that in that short minute that I was outside -- my fucking good for nothing - wont clean a goddamn thing - can't speak a lick of English -- and shuffles her feet constantly roommate has left her room, navigated around a ton of shopping bags and locked the fucking door. And boy was I pissed. What the hell would lead you to do that? What the hell is her problem? My computer costs more than every possession she has in this apartment -- is someone going to come in and steal the caked up gunk around the spices she keeps on the counter? Are they gonna steal the dust bunnies in the hall? How about the spot on the floor where she spilled something and decided not to clean it up? Are english vulgarities wasted on the Chinese?

Anyway. Yeah. And one of the things I bought was a "AirWick" automatic air freshener. I was going to go with one of the "Glade" ones that spray poofs of smoke at you but that one had half an ounce of smell stuff for 60 days and this one had 6 ounces of smell stuff. I'm going with that one. Yall know I'm paranoid about stuff smelling bad -- especially now that I keep a litterbox in my room. So I get it out of the box and start to assemble it. Ok... "Insert can with nozzle facing out." K. And the thing sprays me in the face. And not just a little poof of smoke either -- the thing blasted me. But I move on.

THEN Last night I was setting my alarm before bed. Hmmm what time do I want to wake up? And the thing blasts me AGAIN. Right in the face.

Just thought you should know.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Skwid said...

God bless those air wick things! Is yours on an adjustable timer? I have one that can spray every 9 mins, or 18, or 32 (or something like that) and lord knows how many times it has got me... I swear there is a motion detector shoved inside that thing.....

4:38 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

YES -- thats exactly what I have! I set mine to go off every 36 minutes. I kinda wish there was a longer one like once every hour -- I have it in my bedroom and it's kinda strong. Maybe I should have went with the Glade poofies...

12:06 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Speaking of motion detectors -- wouldn't that be a great joke? To actually wire a motion detector to it -- it'd be super simple... and amusing.

12:08 PM  

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