Because all that shit about proper nutrition and exercise is apparently bullshit. I KNEW I was paying that nutritionist too much.

Any reader of this blog knows or at the very least suspects that I hope on the scale at least once a day -- it's a compulsive self-defeating (& deflating) act I simply must do. And anyone who has spoken with me knows that I have paused at this particular weight and have declared in my usual the-sky-is-falling way that I will never lose another pound because god hates me. (NOTE: After writing this paragraph in a self-mocking and yet true air, I wonder how anyone can stand me).

So combine that with the despair of the end of the semester which I have royally fucked up and another dwindling bottle of expensive medications I'm gonna have to fill (which I might add, those despairing posts and freaky painting were a direct effect of forgetting to take said medications. I scare MYSELF when that happens) -- and guess what? I've had a few bad days.

So for the past two days, I've read my book and eaten cookies and watched food network. And when I say I've eaten cookies, I don't mean just a few. I mean that I'm pissed that I haven't lost any weight and I got a cute penguin cookie jar that just HAD to be filled with cookies -- so fuck it all I was gonna eat some. I also haven't gone out for a run ...or anything really.

And I shit you not, the scale moved. I jog and take my protein and count everything I eat and the fucker won't move for a month but give me a ton of cookies and self-wallowing and it moves. What the hell is that?

What. The Hell. Is. That.

I swear that when I become a paranoid schizophrenic it will be justified.

(And on a totally unrelated note, Coldplay is singing a Christmas song on Conan as I write this -- and it's good. And last night Rachel Ray was on Jay and I saw them both and I bet Izzy missed them both -- I swear dude, if I had some way to record this shit for you -- between me and the tivo, you'd never miss anything. HA! Conan just starting singing! And he's wearing one of those gawd-aweful tacky christmas sweaters! DUDE! I WISH I was recording this for ME! LMAO. Thats awesome.)