I need someone to help me with some Chinese phrases, please

I need someone to tell me how to say some things in Chinese for my non-English speaking roommate. If you could tell me how to say these, I'd be much obliged. Please just write them out phonetically.

1. Health and Safety inspections are the University's way of raping my wallet.

2. You cannot leave raw meat on the couch.

3. Shut up and mop the goddamn floor.

Oh and go ahead and tell me how to say "Please move out, I was here first."

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