I'm not stupid. Really. (Now let me say it like I mean it)

Sometimes I get really upset at myself when I can't spell something. You wouldn't imagine how much of a hassle it is for me. Every once in a while I'll find myself writing out a grocery list or a note and realize that after 22 years I still can't spell "spaghetti" or something and get really down on myself. And it's not like I can learn. I try. I try to make a mental note when something like that comes up -- try to reason out the spelling, say it to myself, write it down, spell it out in my head. I won't remember.

I try to let it roll off my back if someone brings it up. Most everyone who knows me doesn't bug me about it and just tells me how to spell something if I ask -- but how can something like that not make you feel beyond stupid? It's especially bad because I know so many people who are so gifted in speaking, writing, grammar and such. And it's hard for me to remember that I'm just as smart as they are.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I hardly ever mention it but it frequently bugs me. Like I look at the grocery list I just wrote out and I swear someone might come across it and think I have to be illiterate with decent handwriting -- but I'm NOT stupid. I want to add that as an addendum at the end.

Like how do you spell "raspberry" anyway? And even when I wrote out "air freshener," I got confused about how many 'e's go in it. "fresh_en_er."

When I do things like this my ego really takes a hit.

My ego never gets very high.

I can kick your ass in advanced math or physics. Really, I can. But my sharp integration skills and knowledge of obscure trig formulas rarely gets a chance to shine. I could show you that I have a very clean and efficient programming style, but you wouldn't know the difference between that and some hacked out java script even if I did show you. I also have great spatial intelligence and I'm quite handy around the house.

I just hate that some people wear their brains on their sleeves and my brain likes to hide in the background. It's shy, I think.


Anonymous ladymerlin said...

hell i cant spell either. and yes it gets frustrating.

12:15 AM  

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