Guess what I bought!

Not one but two mattress pads. This will bring my grand total to FOUR mattress pads and some brand new expensive orange sheets! And guess what else I got?

Mini pumpkins! My love for mini-pumpkins can not be expressed in words. I buy them every year -- always have. And big Pumpkins too -- but if you buy those too early they rot, and I never can resist carving them way to early anyway. I got 5 -- and that was holding myself back. I'm going to draw smily faces on them. This makes me happy.

The Epipens -- they made me happy

So yes, I had to dish out a hundred dollars so I can carry an Epipen with me incase my throat swells up an I die from the aforementioned anonymous allergy. Both Izzy and my doctor agree that this is a good idea. Of course I'd take Izzy's word over my own doctor, but then I also didn't go to the ER when I should have so what the hell do I know ;)

So Nothing has gotten better -- CERTAINLY NOT THE HIVES. They are laughing at the shot the doctor gave me. Laughing, I tell you. Loudly. Also, my roommate has company over. Chinese company. Oh. My. God. Stop. Talking. Dude, the language -- it's as bad as the hives. And dammit, thats saying a lot.

But I'm in better spirits. Oh and my checking account is positive. Yeah, it was negative and I got slapped with a 40 dollar fee for that -- but there's money there now, a little extra even. Of course it was also mentioned that I have to take the gas station job. And please don't make me think about that -- it will upset me again.

I'm going to go buy a mattress pad! I already have 2 mattress pads on my bed but you can't even tell. My mom slept on it and recommended I get some mattress pads -- I was like, there's two already on there. Yeah, not a soft bed. So I'm gonna go get EVEN MORE. And I have some nice sheets that are a good thread count that my mom bought me! I'm gonna put them on tonight too. I'm excited. I have like super cheap sheets and when I slept in moms bed, which has good sheets, I was like -- wow, what have I been missing? Now I have some! And they are bright orange. I don't own anything that's bright orange so really they are the opposite of matching and that makes me like them even more.

Of course we still have the problem of "Karen, you're covered in hives that you would like to have cut from your skin with sharp objects." And to that I say, well hey you can't win everything. And since I lose everything -- orange sheets and epipens are all I got -- you gotta run with what you got. I'm going to come home and do one of those horrid looking face-masks. It's avocado. And THEN I'm gonna take a shower with the expensive oatmeal wash that someone told my mom to tell me that I HAD to get because it would help. Yep. AND it came in different kinds -- like 'high moisture' and stuff. Guess which one I got? The "Stress Relief" Body Wash that "calms and relaxes with lavender, chamomile & ylang ylang." I've never heard of ylnag ylang. Maybe thats why I have so much stress -- not enough ylnag ylang in my life. I should ask my roommate about that -- sounds like something she'd say. Anyway, lord KNOWS I need stress relief, so the choice was a given really.

Maybe I'll feel better in the morning :)

Yummy, how good do these sound?

I just got a ton of Arby's coupons in the mail. I haven't had Arby's in ages but check out how good these sound:

Loaded Potato Bites: A blend of seasoned potatoes, aged Cheddar cheese, bacon and chives in a crispy coating, served with a Cool Ranch Sour Cream.
Man, why didn't someone come up with that before? Who doesn't love loaded potatoes and fried dipping food? Put them together and bam. And look -- ranch sour cream dipping sauce. My lord those sound good. And look, wouldn't this be great for two people dining together:

Pick 5 Combo: Choose 5 of any of the following items in any combination you wish: Roast Beef sandwich, medium French Fry, medium Curly Fry, small Potato Cake, small Onion Petal, small Popper, any medium Soft Drink, or any small Milk Shake.
For only 5.95 -- two people could totally eat off of that. Well, you might want to add another drink -- but I totally have a coupon to get a drink for 99 cents.

UPDATE: Since so many people seem to be arriving at this post via search engines, I thought I'd give you my "review" of the aforementioned bites. They sucked. Well, they weren't bad -- but not worth the money. They tasted like hashbrowns with WAY too much cheese and grease. Not that greasy fried potatoes with cheese is tortuous to eat -- but they weren't all that great at all. The dipping sauce is also far to overpowering for them. Thumbs down -- great idea, poor execution.

It's such a beautiful day & I am miserable

It's perfect weather (well, I prefer colder, but considering where I live, this is great). It's somewhere in the high 70's, the sun is shining, the sky is crystal clear and there's a nice breeze to top it all off. Gorgeous day.

My checking account is negative, my prescriptions cost well over three hundred dollars, I'm covered in itchy hives of unknown origin -- even on the palms of my god damn hands, I didn't get the Barnes & Nobel job, I bombed my DEQ test, The doctor is recommending me for allergy testing which means this could just go on forever cause he can't fix it, My skin hurts -- You heard me, my skin hurts. So does my head. It seems like everyone is mad at me for no reason at all, I'm getting yelled at for things that aren't my fault. I haven't lost anymore weight -- I have to be the only person who can have weightloss surgery and eat next to nothing, have to give up a lot of her favorite foods and STILL not lose weight. And I am incredibly lonely, and not just the ever-constant "I'm all alone in the world" -- the I'm upset and alone and I don't even have anyone who gives a shit that I can call about it. And let me tell you, thats really damn lonely.

It's a gorgeous day outside and I'm inside crying cause everything just sucks. It sucks. And I don't deserve for everything to suck so much. And there should be someone I can go to that would at least try to cheer me up but there's not. And that sucks even more than everything sucking so much.

Things I'd record if I had a Tivo

Knowing what people set (or would set) their Tivo to record is an amazing insight into what they like. Why isn't there some cheesy blog meme where everyone posts their Tivoed shows? There should be. So here, my friends, are the shows that I wouldn't ever have to miss is I had a Tivo:

~ Desperate Housewives (ABC)
~ Medium (NBC)
~ Surface (NBC)
~ My Name is Earl (NBC)
~ Iron Chef America (Food Network)
~ Talk Sex With Dr. Drew (Health)
~ Scrubs (NBC)
~ Star Gate: SG1 (SciFi)
~ Firefly (SciFi)
~ Star Gate: Atlantis (SciFi)
~ Plastic Surgery: Before & After (Health)
~ Crossing Jordan (NBC)
~ Law & Order: SVU (NBC)
~ Law & Order: Criminal Intent (NBC)
~ Law & Order (NBC)

To go to the ER or not to go to the ER

So it's midnight. I laid down early tonight -- been a long day. Now I'm up. Why? My throat is swollen. Yep, covered in hives -- especially around neck.

So is this ER worthy? I'd call someone, but it's past midnight and I don't have the heart to be so selfish as to wake someone.

I'm hoping it will go away in a minute. I've been hoping that for an hour. It doesn't seem to be getting WORSE though. And I can breath... with some wheezing.

DAMMIT I'm getting tired of this shit.

A twist of fortune, perhaps?

So I went to interview for the gas station job -- she offered it to me, but they can only pay me 6.50 an hour. Not so hot for a job I really don't want. I wasn't going to turn her down, but she did offer to give me a week to think about it. Awesome. So I'll meet with her a week from today.

Now, this morning I called Barnes & Noble to ask about my application there. The manager said she'd pull my app and give it to the women in charge of hiring. So I figured I'd stop by there on my way home from the interview. I wanted to make sure she found it because I could fill out another if she didn't (you never know what these people do with your application -- especially one that was turned in 2 weeks ago). I waited over an hour to speak with her (no, I have no idea why I actually waited that long -- I really needed to be studying). No, she hadn't had time to find my application yet and she told me that the stack she'd have to search through was huge (I later saw this stack, and let me tell you -- it was huge. The stack of JUST applications was over a foot tall. The applications are only 1 page -- that's a lot of applications. This is apparently why no one can ever gets hired at a bookstore -- the odds are like winning the lottery). So I offered to fill out another -- that way she wouldn't have to bother with looking for it since it was obvious that she was busy. She seemed very relieved at this so I sat down with a new app.

While I was filling it out, she came back and told me that there is a two interview hiring process. The woman who does the hiring is working morning shift tomorrow -- but since she would be my second interview, if I had time we could go ahead and get one of the interviews out of the way today. Awesome! So of course I stayed for that and I think it went well. I have tons of cashier/customer service experience and she loved that I worked for RGIS (an inventory service which happens to inventory B&N -- god I hated that job).

She is going to call the other woman and leave my application for her to look over in the morning and they'll call me tomorrow. So... hopefully I'll get to work at Barnes & Noble! That's about as good a job as I could realistically expect to get. So I'm excited -- I don't want a job at all, but hey if I were to take one, this isn't too painful.

Maybe i'll implode, or finally prove the case for spontaneous human combustion

My mother thinks that these hives are from stress. Well, I've been stressed out for just shy of 23 years now. I hope shes not right, cause that means they'll never go away. I stress. It's what I do.

I have a really big test today. I'm very unprepared. Very.

I have a job interview today, don't much care for that -- just have to get out a little earlier and cuts into my cram time. It's at a gas station. No, I don't particularly want to work at a gas station, but a job is a job and money is money. Everyone asks me why I don't just go back to Target. Everyone acts like a gas station is such a horrible place to work. It's a cashiering job with way less volume and responsibility than cashiering at Target was. Do I feel it is beneath me? Yes, because I'm a bitch like that ;) But I need money and money comes from a job.

Ugh, don't eat and type -- now I'm sick. Dammit.

I called Banes & Nobel -- who I've applied to. Every time I talk to someone they get all excited because my hours of availability are just what they need but then no one ever calls me. It'd only be a seasonal job. I'm gonna call tomorrow too. I'd hate to get hired at the gas station today and then B&N tomorrow. Well, I wouldn't hate it, but I'd feel bad when I called the gas station and quit before I ever even started.

Oh I'm so gonna fail that test.


Sometimes I feel so old
...and sometimes I feel so very young.

Sometimes I feel so atrociously hideous
...and sometimes I feel so innocent and gorgeous.

Sometimes the world is about to end and I anxiously await the break
...and sometimes it feels like everything will somehow turn out fine.

Sometimes the earth spins so slow
...and sometimes I wonder where the time went.

Sometimes I feel so utterly alone
...but sometimes I feel so loved.

Sometimes I wish it would all be over
...but sometimes... I'm so curious what tomorrow will bring.

And sometimes, when one has two tests to study for, she will find any excuse to do just about anything else ;)

How to get out of a dentists appointment and not pay the 30 dollar late-cacellation fee

Call at 11 AM and say "Yes, my name is ___ and I have an appointment at 1" -- pause for thoughtful regret impression -- "I'm not going to be able to make it." She'll then cancel your appointment and remind you that there will be a 30 dollar late cancelation fee. That's where you whip out the excuse: "Well, is there any way we can get around that? The only reason I'm having to cancel is because I'm highly allergic to poison ivy... and I'm covered in poison ivy." Don't forget to sound like you really regret doing this because really, a teeth cleaning is a lot more pleasurable than being covered in poison ivy. So then she says that that is a good reason to wave the fee -- the nail it in with "yeah, not only for me but any one who touches me would probably get poison ivy." Then you're solid.

Ok, so no I don't have poison ivy -- I'd be happy if I did because I'd know what's wrong with me and how to fix it and move on with my life. However I really am highly allergic to poison ivy -- I get just a smidge of a rash and then I might as well go ahead and cry because I know what will come next. The next day I will be covered in one gigantic swollen lumpy oozing rash (OMG the bumps between the fingers -- just the thought is enough to make me want to vomit) and this is not something that will just go away -- this requires shots and weeks worth of steroids (sometimes multiple shots). It's horrible and *knock on wood I have been lucky enough to have avoided it the past few years.

What I do have is some anonymous kryptonite hanging around my neck. I have no idea what's wrong with me, but my body isn't happy about it. This morning it was the worst yet. Until this weekend, there were a few spots on my body that were still held sacred -- like my face and lower legs. Not anymore. Every inch of my body is game for itchy red welts. And it's SO WEIRD. I've never had anything like this. Like I'll be covered in these welts -- and no, not some red rash -- I mean swollen red bumps that will mesh together and make large continents of red itchyness on my skin. And i'll itch like crazy -- then an hour later my skin is perfectly normal and the welts moved to another spot. It's insane. I didn't even know the body was CAPABLE of shit like that. So yes, this morning I woke up and it wasn't just a spot -- it was my ENTIRE legs, my ENTIRE torso and my arms. Like, seriously -- it's been just patches here in there, but no -- thats a fucking caribbean vacation compared to this. I literally woke up and scratched my legs till they were bleeding -- I know, bad Karen -- but I couldn't help it. So then I totally ODed on antihistamines. I took a huge does of liquid Benadryl, a 24 hour prescription-strength Clariten sublingual, and sprayed my entire body with Benadryl spray (not to be used with any other antihistamine, including those taken by mouth -- kiss my ass, you aren't in my shoes). And I layed in my bed of fire ants.

And as I allowed my brain to be shut-down it occurred to me that it's only getting worse. And I don't know how allergies or this stuff works -- I literally don't know how the body works at all. So in my figuring, my body is doing this cause there's something in it that just isn't compatible. You can't install an .exe on a Mac (my body gets to be a Mac in this scenario) -- So my bodys way of saying error is this. Ok. Got the message. So what happens when after 2 weeks of this horrid plague of an error message isn't enough? Like will whatever it is cause harm to my body? What if my throat swells up and I can't breath -- or like what if it fucks with my insides and I can't see it? And then for a second I really regretted taking way more medication than I knew what was good for me -- cause what if I needed to go to the hospital or something?

And then I fell asleep.

I'm gonna be honest with you -- I forgot what point I was trying to make there. But so anyway, yeah. They're pretty much gone this evening though. Only a few spots around my lower back and sides really. However all this scratching is getting to me -- I've got bruises and nicks in places where they are particularly known to pop up.

It's so amazing to me that skin that looked so horrible and diseased this morning is back to its normal smoothness already with no ill-effects. Oh I know it'll be back though. It's always back. Because life sucks.

Shoot. Me.


Third Day didn't go on stage until 10:15PM so me and mom had a lot of time to pass yesterday. Hanging around my apartment gets boring pretty quick, so we headed off to the lake on campus to feed the ducks. The above picture is one mom took of me tempting the little cuties to bite my fingers off. Feeding ducks Ritz crackers is really more fun than you'd imagine (what, you'd expect bread? I think not! These are classy ducks -- only party crackers for them).

You'll notice my stack of crackers is pretty low. Thats because one of the ducks only had one leg. I don't know if you've ever seen a one-legged duck, but it's really fucking sad. He wasn't even hopping around -- he just kinda tried, unsuccessfully, to use his little nub. I felt so bad for the poor thing that I gave him like 10 crackers. Man, just thinking about that poor duck makes me what to cry. HE ONLY HAD ONE LEG.

Man, I can't even write anymore after that. ONE LEG.

Third Day concert with Mom

As I alluded to in previous posts, my mom came for a visit this weekend. The basis of this visit was to see Third Day at Big Spring Jam -- we've been planning on it all summer (actually since they canceled the Huntsville concert back when Wire came out and tried to appease us by mentioning that they'd be at the festival).

My mom has become a huge fan of the band. She listens almost exclusively to their CDs, and she was singing along for the entire concert. She kept telling me the whole night that she just loves them. So cute, isn't it? I got my mom hooked on my favorite band. I even asked her if she wanted to sit (in the grass) or stand (I figured she'd sit since her knee is giving her trouble after her recent knee surgery) -- she looked at me like I was crazy and said we HAD to stand.

So yes, we stood and we sung our hearts out. It was a good concert. I had already decided that I wanted to hear 'Rockstar,' 'I Got A Feeling' and 'Billy Brown.' They knocked out two with the opening -- I Got A Feeling and Rockstar -- great opening. So great that it made me forget for a moment that I was itching like crazy. They continued with Sing A Song & I Believe. During the latter, Mac had everyone pull out their cellphones and hold them up -- now that's a nice effect i'd never seen. There was a huge crowd and the majority pulled out a dazzling array of brightly lit screens to wave in the air. Amazing. Cellphones are the new lighters. After that, it went a bit down for me when they played My Hope Is You. I'm just waiting for that song to die. I mean its a good song... the first few times you hear it. Then you hear it again and again and again and again, and really common. Mac announced it as "one for the old school fans." True, it's one of their very old songs... but I think they've played it at all 12 concerts I've been to in the past few years. No seriously -- every concert. If you had to pick one Third Day song that you think sums them up to be played at every concert -- does it have to be that one? Hell, they didn't even play 'Consuming Fire' last night! Maybe I should just try to view that song as a Third Day cliche -- something I'm just going to hear over and over again every time I see them.

Ehem, bit of a tangent there.

Obviously, this opened up the more worship section of the concert. They played 2 new songs from their new CD (coming November 1st -- I'll have it by that evening). Tunnel & Communion. They were... worship. Yes, I've now heard three songs from the new CD and they are all straight up worship. Great worship, mind you -- but not a rock (or even just regular) CD I'm going to be able to listen to while studying and driving around. This disappoints me a bit, but I'll take any Third Day I can get. Mom absolutely loved the new songs. Communion had her bawling her eyes out and she told me after the concert how much she loved it. (See, at least it's great worship music with the one-of-a-kind southern fried voice of Mac Powell).

These were followed up by Show Me Your Glory & You Are So Good to Me. Then they did a great performance of Come Together and finished up with Creed. Of course with Third Day there is always an encore -- as there should be -- so they came back out and really finished it up with Your Love Oh Lord (a song I feel should soon die away with 'My Hope is you').

So yes, I complain that there is always so much worship music -- and no, they didn't even give us a rocking out of 'Consuming Fire' -- but it was an awesome concert. Mom even commented that they sounded better than when we saw them last in Birmingham. And I agree -- they sounded great. One thing I absolutely love about Third Day is that they sound even better live than they do on their CDs -- they are 100% the real deal.

Best band I know of by far (and no, I don't really listen to Christian music much at all -- just happen to love this band). I (and probably my mother with me) will most certainly be snatching up tickets to more concerts as soon as they announce the dates. There's nothing better than live Third Day music. And yes, my friends, I hit up the Third Day swag. That's my new shirt in the picture. They really had some great T-Shirts available. My favorite was a lime-green shirt that had "I wanna be a rockstar" in pink. Didn't have my size though. I love the one I picked up -- I've absolutely worn my other Third Day Ts out so it was high time I picked up a new one.

Oh and one more point -- they missed a PRIME perfect opportunity (PERFECT) -- Playing at the exact same time on the stage opposite them were the Black Crows themselves. Can anyone say 'BlackBird?' Man I'd have had a good kick out of that.

Yeah... Busted.

So the idiotic frat guys decided to run around and throw sand bags at the doors of all the apartments. Well, as everyone whos visited me knows -- our door doesn't latch. So the sandbag being thrown at our door opened the door a few inches and stayed there. (I'm almost more concerned that this didn't even frighten me even though I can literally see the door from where I am).

I wasn't in any hurry to get to it until I saw someone fiddling with it. So I open the door to some drunk idiot cutting the sand bag open.

"Making a mess, I see."

And then he ran off.

Now why is drinking cool again? Because it makes you behave like a total idiot? I guess at least they were amused.

Songs I downloaded on iTunes tonight

~ Tracy Chapman's Change
~ Eric Clapton's Give Me One Reason
~ Macy Gray's I Try
~ Sarah McLachlan's Fallen (remix from Bloom)
~ Sarah McLachlan's Fumbling Towards Ecstasy (remix from Bloom)
~ Ben Fold's Bitches Ain't Shit

I'm not stupid. Really. (Now let me say it like I mean it)

Sometimes I get really upset at myself when I can't spell something. You wouldn't imagine how much of a hassle it is for me. Every once in a while I'll find myself writing out a grocery list or a note and realize that after 22 years I still can't spell "spaghetti" or something and get really down on myself. And it's not like I can learn. I try. I try to make a mental note when something like that comes up -- try to reason out the spelling, say it to myself, write it down, spell it out in my head. I won't remember.

I try to let it roll off my back if someone brings it up. Most everyone who knows me doesn't bug me about it and just tells me how to spell something if I ask -- but how can something like that not make you feel beyond stupid? It's especially bad because I know so many people who are so gifted in speaking, writing, grammar and such. And it's hard for me to remember that I'm just as smart as they are.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I hardly ever mention it but it frequently bugs me. Like I look at the grocery list I just wrote out and I swear someone might come across it and think I have to be illiterate with decent handwriting -- but I'm NOT stupid. I want to add that as an addendum at the end.

Like how do you spell "raspberry" anyway? And even when I wrote out "air freshener," I got confused about how many 'e's go in it. "fresh_en_er."

When I do things like this my ego really takes a hit.

My ego never gets very high.

I can kick your ass in advanced math or physics. Really, I can. But my sharp integration skills and knowledge of obscure trig formulas rarely gets a chance to shine. I could show you that I have a very clean and efficient programming style, but you wouldn't know the difference between that and some hacked out java script even if I did show you. I also have great spatial intelligence and I'm quite handy around the house.

I just hate that some people wear their brains on their sleeves and my brain likes to hide in the background. It's shy, I think.


~ Yesterday was a bad day.

~ The day before yesterday was an absolutely superb -- excellent day.

~ My effexor costs more than a car payment. I just saw an ad on TV for Volkswagen where you can get a 2005 convertible Beetle for 200 a month. And to say that it almost made me cry is neither a lie nor an exaggeration.

~ Today I was in lab at 8AM building my very first ever piece of computer circuitry. It was quite exciting -- and no, I'm not being sarcastic. I felt like I was actually DOING something. And it worked -- on the first try. BEAT THAT.

~ I'm so tired of worrying about money. Especially the 250 a month I'm dropping for Effexor. Not knowing where that moneys going to come from or if I'll have it at all is really causing me a great deal of stress. Groceries, gas -- I don't spend anything I don't HAVE to. And there's lots of stuff I want to buy -- and lots of stuff I NEED to buy. All my clothes are getting too big (awesome). My car needs repair. Plus I have a running list of things I will buy as soon as I can.

~ If I had extra money -- instead of buying clothes or some shit I actually need, I'd go visit Izzy (even though he'd probably fall asleep while I ended up watching DVDs).

~ I'm still freaking out about classes. Test time. I'm not prepared. This might hurt.

~ I'm covered in itchy red welts. Still. I itch. A lot. I also look like a leper. If I saw someone scratching a bunch of itchy red bumps, I wouldn't want to go near them -- would you? I'm at a complete loss as to what it is. I'm not even sure if it's an allergic reaction anymore-- maybe I'm just sick or something. And should I go back to the doctor? He told me to go back if the pills didn't work... and I'm out of the pills -- but did they work and it just came back? Did it ever really go away? What can he do -- give me another 30 dollar shot to make it go away for an hour? I can't afford to keep going to the doctor over this.

~ I am about to enter a bubblegum-flavored benedryl-induced hibernation. Don't try to stop me. I just want to not itch -- I'm destroying my skin with all the scratching. You'd think it'd be simple to say "don't scratch." I'm 22, I should be able to just not scratch. Not that simple.

~ If you don't hear from me again in a day or two, call me and wake me up to make sure I've eaten and had a shower. Thanks.

Problems I have with the Sugar Free Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Packaging

+ Taunting of "improved creamy chocolate taste." First, "improved" is a bad word here. "Improved" implies that you had problems. It means your product sucks and people complained about it so you "improved" it and are making sure to point that out. Second, this only serves to flag us that it's fake chocolate. I may know that it's fake but I don't want you writing it in capital letters on the bag. I want to enjoy my Reese's and pretend that it's the real thing -- your marketing should not get in the way of this. Third, if this is an improvement, I can't imagine what it tasted like before. I'm all for the sugar-free life now, but come on. If I was having a taste test, I would label this as "fake chocolate flavor." No, I wouldn't say "chocolate" -- I would go out of my way to specify "FAKE" chocolate.

+ Yellow box on the back warning that "some individuals may experience a laxative effect." Now, I could let this slide as something that happens to 1 in 10 people if you just slapped some fine print on the bag somewhere. Reese's has not done that though. What Reese's has done is to highlight it with a yellow warning label and bold print. They even put a *star next to the sugar alcohol content -- which, my lord, is amazingly high.

I, like many sweet-toothed people who find themselves suddenly forced into the sugar free world have already learned the hard way the wonderful effects of sugar alcohol. In fact the only reason I'm eating your product tonight is for that very reason (sorry if that's too much info there folks, but Dooce talks about shit all the time and we all love her). And as I contemplated eating your product, it occurred to me that I'd have to eat more than one. I didn't like this thought. Then it occurred to me that I'd probably need more than a serving which is 5 mini-cups. 5 mini-cups is a lot. And for someone who loves Reese's cups to groan about being forced to eat your candy should give you pause. I just ate some and dang, I already regret it. And had I read how much sugar alcohol was actually in here, I would have been wiser and ate even less. Man, I don't think I've seen anything YET with this much sugar alcohol. And with all that, you couldn't even make it taste decent? What the hell -- someone needs to be fired over this whole fiasco.

Two thumbs down, Reese's. Two thumbs down.

Is sugar-free syrup sticky?

The high for today is about 94 degrees, but I'm wearing a hoodie. God bless free air-conditioning.

Of course I'm about to head out-side to attempt to finish up my homework (and totally get away from the Chinese roommate). Hopefully exposure to actual sunlight won't kill me. I'm not sure about that, I haven't had a good track record lately.


I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed today. Classes. It's not that I'm far behind (well, I'm always a little behind)... at least I don't think I am. See? I'm just feeling overwhelmed today. I'm so stressed out about these classes. Especially the math classes. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

BTW, Chinese has to be up there as one of the ugliest languages in the world. It just is. I've never really been around it much. Sure, I've heard people make fun of it and do impersonations, but I always thought they were really over-exaggerating. Nope, they weren't.

I'm making meatloaf again. I can't help it -- its so good and cheap... and homemade.

I'd keep rambling but the season premier of Medium is starting and I just can't miss that.

Insignificant secret dreams

I love halloween costumes. I've always wanted to dress up in one of those super sexy costumes -- maybe a fairy or an angel (I like the wings idea). And if "sexy" crosses over into "slutty," then so be it. I never had the body to pull something like that off though.

The girls who do are instantly labeled as sluts. That's because all of us other girls are totally jealous. I don't think this year is my year to be the slutty angel, but my day is coming. I would totally do the super high skirt, super low necklines, fishnets, drapy fabrics and wings. Do I get a halo too? Maybe I should be a sexy little she-devil.

Think these lace up 6-inch heel boots would work on me?

So this weekend was a bust.

The past three days were pretty much spent freaking out, psychotically scratching my skin, and/or being in a benadryl induced coma. Yeah, wasted. In fact yesterday and today are just a blur. I wasn't aware that benadryl was so powerful -- of course the fact that it was bubble-gum flavored didn't really encourage me to hold back. I went through the whole bottle. And you'd have done it too if you were in my position!

So back to the normal freaking out stuff. Like am I losing weight? Why aren't I? I'm gonna fail school, life sucks... la la la la la. You know, the usual.

Mom's coming up this weekend. We're gonna go see Third Day at Big Spring Jam. I'm actually really excited that mom's going to come up and spend the night. Weird eh? I'm sure I'll be annoyed by something when it actually happens -- but seems fun for now.

Also, I'm naturally freaking out about school. These classes are hard. And there's nothing to elaborate on that. Just hard classes. Thursday I'm going to build a logic circuit in lab. Sounds interesting -- though I'm not sure how much I'll like it at 8am ;) I'm really worried about the math classes though. Ugh.

At least I don't look like a leper anymore. Yay!

Shoot Me

Dear god put me out of my misery. The red welts are back and worse that yesterday. They had gone away with the shot! Tim says I must have been re-exposed to whatever it was only I can't figure out what it could possibly BE! Believe me, I'm racking my mind thinking of everything I've done, eaten and when I did or ate it. I'm getting NOTHING.

I just tried to rub off my skin with a cold towel and it wouldn't come off. Dammit.


Man there even welts all around the band-aid from the shot. My body hates me. I knew it before, but now I'm sure of it.

You remember on one of those old horror movies -- I think it was Halloween and they strapped that guy to the metal grate and lowered him into a pit of fire ants that ate him alive? I feel like that.

Something out there really has it out for me today, and you know what? I might deserve it -- but it's not gonna win... cause I shaved

So last night I didn't sleep because I had a horrible allergic reaction that made me look like I had been dipped in acid and left me with a strong desire to have my skin shaved off.

But I dealt, I went to the doctor -- got some pills and a shot in my ass. Around noon I feel my apparently acid-dipped body hit the bed and it hit hard. I woke up two hours later and my skin was back to normal. Holy shit modern technology has finally developed the miracle shot. God bless 'em.

So I call my mom so she won't be so worried about me and find out that she got dad to give me money for the doctor. Awesome! However this has caused a problem. Dad wants to know why Karen hates him so much. I needed money to go to the doctor cause I just didn't have any. Not that I couldn't spare any, but I literally just didn't have it. That's not the reason I called mom when I broke out, but obviously eventually when I run out of groceries it's going to be her I call so her okay is very important. And why would I call dad? WHY? Dad doesn't even give me 5 dollars to put gas in my car on occasion. He won't talk to me, doesn't care to call me. Why the fuck would I call him?

But mom called him cause she's low on money and me and her have been trying to figure out a way to try and get dad to somehow contribute something to help me pay for my two hundred and sixty dollar a month out-of-pocket prescription. So when she went to get the money and put it in my checking account, she got to be cursed at and yelled at for a nice long time. I feel HORRIBLE. She has nothing to do with this -- it's between me and dad, and she gets yelled at about me all the time. I just feel like a dog for it. Fuck me and the welts all over my body -- it's all about dad you know.

So of course, I had to call dad to thank him for the money. I tried to talk to him -- you know like have a conversation -- but he wasn't having it. He was just so angry that I hadn't asked him for money. I've asked him for money before and he hasn't given it to me. He knows I need money -- I told him about the Effexor prescription just the other day. And he knows that my car needs to be fixed so that the axle won't decide to break when I'm driving down the interstate.

Ok, enough of the family aspect.

So I was just so relieved to look better. I was still itchy (especially when I went out in the heat) but I did some laundry and even cooked a nice meal (thats twice this week -- who am I turning into?) Then... tonight the bumps are returning. New ones are literally popping up every time I look. And the itch is getting worse. Ugh. Figures.

So the doctor said the shot should totally fix it and if it didn't to get this prescription for some pills filled. So I decide to go get them filled. Walk out to my car... ANOTHER PARKING FINE. What's it for this time? Backing into a parking space (the oh-so-valuable rare parking space that I knew I would lose by going to Walgreens). I've lived here two years and I've been backing into parking spaces for a lot of that. Everyone does. I look around the parking-lot... plenty of cars parked backwards. Who gets the ticket? YEP.

So I go to Walgreens and wait for my prescription, but I'm getting super sick the longer I stay out. Have you ever seen Session 9 (movie)? No? Well you know the "modern" lobotomies where they just stuck a rod into your eye sockets and twisted it around to mush up your frontal lobe -- I felt like that. And there was a flickering street light and when I saw it, I swear to god it felt like someone punched me. Then when I got home I totally walked straight into a wall. No, folks, Karen is no longer approved to drive.

The prescription only cost 5 bucks though. THATS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

So I'm home. And the red bumps are totally getting worse. Uh oh. They aren't coming back with a vengeance it's more of a head-nod and a "wazzz up." So I take my Effexor and the shiny new 60 MG of Prednisone. Oh, I don't know if you call what I have a "stomach" or a "pouch" but it is just as angry at me as my skin appears to be. I'm sure I'll get an ulcer or some internal bleeding in reply -- because my body hates me.

So hey, I need a shower. Why do I need a shower? Well, if I end up going to the ER tonight, I'm going to be shaved and have clean hair. Cause you know when I was in that car wreck last year and they were giving me a MRI or Cat-Scan or whatever it was and putting that lead vest on my broken rib and I'm looking at the tiny hole they're about to stick me in and wondering if I can fit while the technician debates on getting some wire cutters to take out my closed-loop earrings -- the only thing I was thinking was Damn, I should have shaved my legs. I was going to last night -- why didn't I? I haven't even had a shower this morning. I'm such an idiot -- I can't believe I didn't shave my legs.

So you know what -- I WIN. Cause however it ends up, I shaved my legs and I'm clean. TAKE THAT, BIOTCH!


I just started washing two loads of laundry (in the laundry mat a few buildings away) on Star Gate SG1 marathon & season premier night! Fuck me, that's horrible timing.

And yes, I really like the show -- have since the very first season. No, I don't usually go around flaunting it.

Chocolate Milkshake with 30 grams of Protein!

This is a post I wrote to post to a message board, but I thought I'd toss it on Silver Beetle too.

Some of yall may frown on eating ice cream while trying to lose weight, but I found a way to make an awesome treat and get lot's of protein too. I have yet to find a protein powder or drink that I can tolerate for more than a few sips. So I bought a container of designer whey protein in chocolate to give a try. It's not great but it reminds me of cold hot chocolate if I mix it with milk. However, I have found an even better way:

I don't know if you've tried it yet, but Bryers new Double Churned Sugar-Free Vanilla ice cream is wonderful. I like it even better than Blue Bell vanilla bean Ice cream (which would now make me super sick). So I tossed a serving of that in the blender with a scoop of the chocolate protein powder and some fat free milk and I swear it tastes awesome. I wouldn't know it had protein in it and no sugar! Plus it's only 300 calories (110 of which are the protein powder) and 4 grams of fat. No sugar AND THIRTY grams of designer whey protein.

Makes a nice treat :)

I have a few other ideas too -- One to actually make a cup of hot chocolate with it, but it's a little too hot outside for that.

And can anyone tell me if you have to consume the protein within a certain amount of time after it is mixed with liquid? I've heard some third-hand hint to that but the packaging doesn't mention it. I was thinking of making a pot of chili and tossing some in (A lot of people include chocolate as a secret ingredient in their chili -- seriously). Even if that is true, I suppose I could just toss some protein into the cup as it is served...

I swear I'm going to get my allotted protein someway or another.


**Updates below

Ok... Ok so I wake up kinda itchy right, well I go pee cause usually when I wake up I go pee and guess what I see in the bathroom light? Hives. Yes hives all over my arm. And I itch so I start to see them other places. Oh my god I'm covered. This has never happened to me. Ever. I'm freaking out.

I'm super highly allergic to poison ivy and it makes my entire body break out -- but not really like this (I'd say poison ivy is worse). I've never experienced this.

Did I mention I'm freaking out? I just took pictures of it with my digital camera in case it goes away a bit by morning. I'm calling the doctor at 8AM -- I'm setting my alarm so I can wake up and beg and plead for him to please see me today cause I can't wait all weekend with something weird like this all over my body -- I'm freaking out. I need an anxiety pill.

Oh I need shots. I need shots of something. I'm not leaving that doctors office till I've at least got a shot of anti-biotics. Oh please Lord make this go away. Pretty pretty pretty pretty please.

**UPDATE 1: So I thought maybe I overreacted at 2am. Now it's almost 8am. I totally did not overreact -- it's way worse now. Not better, worse. I'm going to die aren't I? I called mom to ask her what I should do and she freaked and told me to go to a doctor. I hope he can see me today.

**UPDATE 2: It's about 10am and I just got back from the doctor (see it takes me 2 months to see my psychiatrist but only an hour to get an appointment with my doctor). He said I'm having a really bad allergic reaction to something. Not that I have any idea what that could possibly be. He said not to worry about what caused it, that if it happens a second time maybe we can figure it out. So he gave me a super high dose of something in the form of a intramuscular shot (ow). He said that should clear it up today and if it's not gone by tonight he gave me a prescription for some pills to start taking tomorrow.

I like my doctor. I feel better now. BTW, yes I totally had digital camera pictures from 2am and 7am. I'm glad I did, it keeps getting better and worse and moving to different places on my body. Like last night my arm was covered in red welts -- now it's fine. I showed him the pictures and he was like WOW yeah those are welts. Plus with the pictures you could see how it was barely on my leg at 2am and then totally covering my leg at 7. I'm so glad it's going to be gone tonight. My lord I itch. I itch a lot.

I haven't had any sleep -- I almost fell asleep waiting on the doctor. Actually, I think I did fall asleep in the office and I'm in denial about it.

To go or not to go

... That is the question. To go to my support group, that is. The weight loss surgery support group led by a woman I hate that always brings me down. I don't know if I'm gonna go or not -- I guess I'll see how I feel about it tonight. I just think that you should leave a support group feeling good and -- well, supported -- not depressed and wanting to just give up. I mean isn't that why they call them "support" groups?

Also, tomorrow I will be 4 months post-op. So far I'm down 43 pounds (55 pounds since my first consultation in April). I've lost 7.25 inches in my chest, 3 inches in my waist, and 5.75 inches in my hips. I'm also getting in much better shape. Yesterday I walked all the way across campus to technology hall for class (in 95 degree alabama heat) -- thats a class I've never walked to before because I would have never considered walking that far to class, it'd have killed me. And I'm going to do it again for class today :) So I'm getting in much better shape. I'm really excited about that. Yay me!

Oh and you can totally almost see my collarbone. And you can REALLY feel it. Yall, I can feel a bone on my body -- how cool is that?

Look what my Beetle will be able to do!

"Plug in, drive away and enjoy: Take thousands of songs with you using pocket mass storage media. (...)

Up to six music folders can be displayed as CDs one to six on the radio or navigation system screen. Any information that has been stored for the music files – for example, the number of the song and the timer – will be displayed. The scan, search and shuffle functions can be selected using the radio buttons as you would for CDs.

When you switch the radio off, the track being played will be stopped and will then continue when you turn it back on. The supported formats include MP3, of course."

That's right, Beetles (and other Volkswagens) will soon be able to play mp3s (and presumably, other formats) through the cars radio using a USB connection in the console. This not only means that I can hook up an iPod, but that those people without iPods will be able to buy a cheap USB memory stick and play music from it as if they had an iPod. Genius.

I can't wait till I get my Beetle!

Some people get tickets because they made an honest-to-god mistake. Others get tickets because they just aren't team-players.

I fall into the latter category. It's not that I'm not a "team player," it's that I have some serious questions with the rules. If I deem a rule to be stupid, I usually violate it.

I got not one but two parking violations today. Am I going to pay them? No. Would I park there again? Yes.

UAH has decided that all the people who pay to live and go to school here don't need parking. Parking on this campus was already pretty bad, then they blocked off 3/4 of the parking lot for madison hall and decided that the residents of South East (where I live) don't need to park their cars. I'm pretty pissed about this.

In fact, I took this up with housing this morning. They've fenced off our parking lot because they are building more buildings for the sororities and fraternities... those buildings are going in our parking lot (that parking lot which has been known to get so full that people end up parking at the bank). So yes, we are ALL pissed. The police are angry because they can't police South East anymore because where the hell are they going to drive? They usually keep an officer in our parking lot -- that one we no longer have. The housing staff are pissed because they work here and they don't have parking spaces either.

We are being told to park at the library. You know -- the library that's on the other side of campus that you have to cross a main road to even get to.

So yeah, I got just angry enough to take this up with housing. She said we won't get our parking back this year. I asked her where they expected all the people who are going to move into the new buildings to park. She said, rather confidently, that the greeks will park next to their new buildings so we won't need so much parking. I looked at her with the absolute disdain that sometimes I just cannot hide. "So then where are all the people who move into what used to be the greek housing going to park?" Then she looked dumbfounded and got defensive. I have that way with people sometimes.

The point is, they are adding new buildings and in the end there will be even less parking. So we barely had enough parking before -- now we are going to have at least a hundred new residents and even less parking to go around. Is this really an engineering college 'cause I'm seriously starting to question that.

So yes, I illegally parked my car. EAT ME. I'll probably do it again. If you're not going to give me a place to park my fucking car then I'll just make one.

Why does everything have to have sugar in it?

Why does everything have sugar in it? Things that don't need sugar are full of sugar. Why? 100% fruit juice costs the same and tastes just as good as sugar-laden fruit juice -- especially orange juice -- plus it's better for you.

I never before realized how much sugar I consumed. I'm turning into one of those crazy people who question the sugar content of everything. My kids are going to hate me for this.

I'm one of those people who likes treats (you can tell by looking at my ass). If I'm in the bookstore, I'll go to the cafe and get myself something to drink. I enjoy things like that -- the fact that they are so calorie-heavy is an honest to god greek tragedy and it's not my fault. Today I was hanging around the bookstore and realized that I was actually really thirsty. So I went to the cafe and asked if such-and-such had sugar -- obviously it did. So I ask about something else -- no go. After about 3 items, I just asked her what she had that didn't have sugar added to it. Nothing. I bought some over-priced water.

So I pretty much can't get treats anywhere unless I make my own. Damn shame. So lately I've been craving a reeses cup -- I know, lame. But consider the fact that for 4 monthes I've been pretty much sugar-free, bread-free, and carbonation-free. Now you look at your diet and tell me how much of that those three things rule out -- I'm entitled to want a reeses. (By-the-way, I'd kill for some skittles and a sprite).

So after my bad day yesterday, I decided I've finally earned it. I got some sugar-free reeses, sugar-free vanilla ice cream and milk... and I made myself a reeses milk-shake. Mmmmmmmm it's so good. No really, this is good. This is awesome. I am in awe.

So here's my question -- why can't some restaurant or something make sugar-free items like this? It tastes excellent, and I tossed in some whey protien so not only is it damn good, it's got 30 grams of protein too. If you had a choice between a reeses shake and a lower-calorie, sugar-free reeses shake with 30 grams of protein, wouldn't you go with the second option?

I need a restaurant -- really I do.

Don't be messing with my momma

So today I heard something very upsetting through the grapevine. For one it pissed me off. For two it pissed off and hurt my mother -- and that just brings forth a fiery stream of anger.

Background: My mother is a real estate agent. She's a new real estate agent so she's still trying to break in and building up her connections. But she's doing business and hopefully soon she can rely fully on real estate and quit teaching (please God help us out here).

Now Mr. M (only using an abbreviation because I can't spell his name) is a dear friend of my mother. They worked together at the last school she worked at and became immediate friends. I also befriended Mr. M. Through high school he became a bit of a father-figure to me and so naturally I really like the guy.

So there's your background. Now, Mr. M wanted to sell their house himself but he swore if they used an agent it would be my mom. Guess what we heard through the grapevine today? Mr. M is using another agent. He used a really rich long-time agent who has his hand in everything. The little birdy also quoted Mr. M as feeling like he is this agents last priority. Newsflash: you are!

Why would he do this? That other agent can't sell his house any better or any faster than my mother can. And yes, Mr. M's tiny house in the middle of nowhere doesn't even fall on this agents scope. I'm really really hurt and angry about this. He totally screwed over my mother -- his friend! And she is really hurt by this.

I hope his house doesn't sell. I hope it burns down and insurance declares it an act of God and refuses to pay them a penny. I also hope I run into him next time I'm in Birmingham so I can tell him just what I think about him using that other agent.

How the uppers live

Tonight I saw My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV. Have I ever wanted to smack someone so much? Ok, yes, but that's because I have anger management issues. I'm so jealous! These girls having these parties just have money thrown at them. She rented a private jet to fly to Vegas and buy a one-of-a-kind designer dress... for her 16th birthday party. Her dad also had her favorite singer come sing. He said it cost well over two hundred and three thousand dollars. Did you catch that? 203,000 dollars. My mommas house only cost 90,000 dollars. I can't even imagine.

I mean I'm really just -- I can't imagine. People live like that? They can just spend such extravagant sums of money on a party that the whiny bitch won't even care about in a week? It kinda angers me and then also makes me sick. I'm just so jealous. It makes me kinda sad. Not even just for me, but for my family that struggles with money and there are girls spending that much for a freakin' birthday party and they don't even care. She even had the nerve to constantly get angry at her father that was paying for it all.

You know, even if I had that kind of money to toss around (which ain't gonna happen unless I become the next queen of England) there's no way I would let my child treat money like that. $200,000 dollar party? Maybe when you win a Nobel Prize.

Man I just can't imagine having that much money. Wow.

I'm Mr HeatMiser, I'm Mr Sun. I'm Mr la la la, I'm Mr Hundred-and-one.

Weather I am ready for some cold weather! I want Fall to come soon -- pumpkins and pots full of mums. I love cold weather -- sweaters and jackets and layers, seeing your breath when you breathe, extra blankets on the bed, hats and gloves - being able to take a walk without dripping sweat. It always seems to come later and later in the year. Of course I know that I'm in Alabama and it's not time for Fall yet, but dang it needs to hurry up.

It usually starts getting cool around late October to early November (November most likely). So a month? Maybe two? I'm ready to put up my flip-flops and get out the pull-overs. Seems like this summer has been unusually hot... even for us. Then again I'm always the one getting mad at people who say that. I always want to yell "you live in Alabama! You say that every summer! MOVE ALREADY."

And believe me, I'm gonna move. I have little attachment to Alabama; I think it could be easily satiated with a visit every few years (if even). I want to live where it snows. Mmmmm snow. Last December I had the pleasure of being around some snow. Yes, I saw what a major inconvenience and safety hazard it was -- but I also got to toss a few snow balls and admire the beauty of it. I'm still like a kid -- snow is new and amazing to me.

But we don't have snow. It's 90 degrees outside.

I hate this state.

Exercising with a twist

I'm watching Plastic Surgery: Before & After on discovery health. There's a woman on here who is a fitness trainer. That's not the juicy part though. Guess how she inspires her clients to do their pull-ups? She's an "exercise dominatrix" (her own words -- she also uses the word sexercise). Yep, she'll be happy to plant her spike heels on your back while you do your push-ups. Fascinating. She's getting breast implants as a business-expense.

There's some weird stuff out there. Genius idea though, you gotta give her that.

Nice treat

I just went to check my mail... and there is a really hot guy doing laundry in nothing but his boxers. I suddenly feel the need to wash clothes...

Slow progress -- Some personal reflections

So I'm sitting here reading my CODA books (specifically "Codependent No More" and "The Language of Letting Go" -- both by Melody Beattie) and I'm reading a chapter about feelings. Doesn't that just sound lame? Like something you hear in therapy? Yeah well I'm not unknown to therapy and I'm getting used to the lameness of it all.

And I keep thinking "don't apologize for the way you feel." Someone used to tell me that a lot and I used to get mad about it because I was apologizing for the way I felt because IT WAS WRONG and therefore should be regretted, apologized for, and repressed forever and dear god strike me down for even mentioning that I felt that way. Ahhhh memories.

Just in the past year I've really made a lot of progress. So it took me 21 years to even consider getting on the ball -- late is better than never. I've gotten better about how I feel and paying attention myself. I've gotten better about being less crazy. The way I interact with my family has had a complete and total overhaul -- for the better, though it still needs lots of tweaks.

I FEEL better. Lots of emphasis on that. I feel a lot better. In fact that is such an understatement that it's laughable. Did I really think I could just go through life being so sick with myself that I had to throw up every morning before I even said hello or considered what I had to do for the day? And lord to think of the way I just FELT all the time. Unbelievable. I can't even explain the difference, but suffice to say that it's enough to keep me buying a 200 dollar out-of-pocket prescription every month even though I can't afford it. This is priceless and I refuse to put a price on my sanity. Lord, just trying to imagine how I THINK different -- not because of anything I've learned or experienced -- my brain just works different. And I like this way much better.

I deserve to feel good -- even on days like this where I pretty much don't do anything of effect anyone else in anyway. I still deserve to feel good. I don't deserve to cry myself to sleep, or be physically ill all day agonizing over god knows what and pondering all the wonderful things that would happen if I would just go ahead and kill myself already. No one deserves that and unfortunately most of the people who feel that way just don't know any better. I didn't know it could be different.

One of the big things you get told straight away is that it's not your fault and if you knew better you would have done better. Simple as that.

And now I know a little better and I do a little better. I'm working on myself on all levels and I feel really damn good about it.

So I'm tired of being overweight -- I decided to do something about that, and now that's changing (oh so slowly). So I couldn't control my emotions... at all (understatement -- cringe). I'm working on that too. I'm also going to class and doing my work to work on my life and myself. Mmmmmmmm.

And I know that I've got a LOT left to figure out and change. A year is nothing compared to the 21 years that came before it and all the ways I have to change. But I've made so much progress in one year! I can't imagine where I'll be this time next year.

And I'm about to go to bed -- and I'll say a prayer and wait till I fall asleep. And I won't go to sleep particularly ecstatic, but I won't go to bed sad or in regret. And I'll wake up the same way. And that's really rather nice.

And I want to thank those who stuck with me and helped me get this far. But more importantly, I want to thank myself for finally figuring out that it's worth it -- that I'M worth it.

And yes it all sounds like lame therapy bullshit, I know -- but it means a lot to me. I feel good right now. I feel good about me right now. :)

Dang-- if I had some spare cash I'd go buy myself a vase full of daisies -- even though they serve no purpose what-so-ever and I'm the only one who would see them and they'd die in a few days. I'd still buy them just because I wanted them.

It's never simple is it?

Apparently I am the only person ever to request virtual PC for Mac from their school. No seriously. First, it took me forever to get the school to even make it available for me, since they didn't even have it on their system. That took a week. So I get the software and a site to download a serial for it. When I download the information, it says no serial is required. Ok. When I install the program, it wants a 25 character product key. So I do what rational people do. I call hell itself directly at Microsoft and wait on hold for 45 minutes to finally get an operator who can't help me. Exactly what I would have expected -- thanks for making me like you even less. She does give me another number to call though. That number is already closed, so I have to call the next day.

That's today. I wake up and call the new number. They can't help me, so they give me another number to call -- this is the Academic Alliance people and they should know. So I'm on hold with them forever -- because apparently a lot of people need help at 8 in the fucking morning. And she says that Mac is not supported and they don't have any software or serials for the product. Ok... I got this product from you... it's on your site... It is a Microsoft product now... She can't help me. FUCK YOU. Ehem. So I call the school, who I had sent an email about it yesterday. He says yeah he just saw my email, I'm the only person who's ever wanted this piece of software "this is Karen right?" Yeah. I swear they think I'm crazy. I've been in there every other day trying to get this software.

They just emailed me a product key. I'm not sure it will work though -- I mean this has only taken 2 weeks so far, maybe I have to drag it out to 3 to show that I REALLY want them to give me the fucking software I'm supposedly entitled to. You know, not everyone uses windows. We aren't programming for windows, so why is it so unreasonable for them to give me software for a fucking macintosh?

This -- THIS is why Americans are so stressed out that we're all on anxiety drugs and anti-depressants. We have to deal with things this way just to get anything done -- it's an endless course of jumping through hoops for what?

I'm done.

White Student Association VS Black Student Association

Please, if you can't read the flyers, click the image for a bigger picture. This is one copy of the "White Student Association" flyers I made to hang next to the "Black Student Association" flyers.

Please note that the "Black Student Association" has been approved by the university, but if I applied for a "White Student Association" it wouldn't even be considered. This is my protest. I can only hope to God that some white student actually went to the meeting.

The BSA actually had colored paper for their flyers and all we had was white. However, Steph (who went along with me to be my lookout as I hung them up) pointed out that it's only proper that it be printed on white paper. She has a point.

A few more notes

I'm about to install virtual PC, Windows 200 Pro, and a couple of Windows programs on my Powerbook. Pray for me. I'm scared.

Also, on a side note: While checking my mail today I noticed a paper for the "Black Student Association" -- a new group that has been APPROVED by housing. Well, now. This is going to bring out my southern charm. Tonight I'm going to print up some "White Student Association" flyers to hang next to the black student association flyers. Oh yes, I will take pictures.

A few notes.

1. The iPod nano looks cool as hell. I want one. Someone buy me one. Color screen -- super light (1.5 ounces) -- super tiny (Only 3.5 x 1.6 x 0.27 inches) -- dock connector means my chargers and such that I already have will work fine with it. Mmmm. they look nice. And I could use my current iPod as a backup drive or something. Yum, I've been disappointed with a few of the things apple is putting out latley -- but this is nice. We knew color minis were coming -- but they took it a step further with this. Very nice. And they start at just 199, though I'd double the storage for another 50 bucks and get the 250 version.

2. I'm sick. I've been stressing out this morning, as I usually do -- that's nothing knew. I'm about to head out for class and I was going to eat some lunch before I go. Bad idea. I'm sick. Not just a little sick. Real sick. The sweating, burning up, exhausted, stomach cramping, wanting to vomit -- and did I mention exhausted, I can barely hold my head up here, literally -- kinda sick. Ugh. I'm going to class anyway and I'll make myself stay the whole 5 hours -- but damn. I'm burning up here. I had 3 bites. 3 bites.

3. How do you tell the difference between a 'metrosexual' and a flaming homo? Seriously, there's a guy in my class and I just don't know which he fits. I'm leaning towards flaming queer cause there's no way he could be into girls and looking like that. I don't have time to describe, but... damn. He's got to be gay.

I've found my answer

"Psychologists say that it is much easier for a woman to learn how to love herself, if she has a man, who desires and worships her."

Deviled Eggs

I've always been the deviled egg lover of the family. Every special occasion: "we have to make some deviled eggs for Karen." And that's just the way I like it. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Labor Day, 4th of July... But they're just special occasion food, not something you get all that often.

Now cut to me coming home this weekend. My mom loves it when I'm home for the weekend because she misses me when I'm away. So she tends to cook dinner and such when I'm home and as she knows me so well, she tends to cook some of my favorite things. Isn't she sweet? Anyway, last week she was trying to think of something that would be good for me to eat (seeing as 3/4s of the food I was raised on now makes me ill). So I came home on Friday and was laying in my room when she comes in and goes -- you can have deviled eggs! And of course I go "mmmmm I loved deviled eggs." And she says she got the stuff to make them -- just for me. Oooo, I love my mom!

So last night she made them. An entire plate of deviled eggs for no special occasion other than that I'm home for the weekend (I feel so special). And darn -- they are so good. I even asked her this morning if they were for Labor Day dinner tomorrow or if I could have another. I can't help but ask every time I eat one -- we usually have to save them for that special dinner.

Everyone should eat these more often. I don't see why not -- it's just egg salad in a way (not that I like egg salad. I know -- weird, aren't I?) Mom told me they are a southern food -- is that true?

I find it funny when I learn that something is a 'southern' thing. One day I'm not going to live in the south anymore and I guess I'll just be the one eating all the weird things and talking with a drawl. And you'll love me for it.

Mmmm. Organization.

Don't you just feel better when you get something organized? I always like to sit back and admire my work. My room is still jam-packed with crap that's not mine, but at least I don't have to be ashamed if someone sees it anymore. It's very nicely organized now. Mmmmmmm. Of course I've tried to explain in the nicest gentlest possible way that just because I've made more space, doesn't mean you can just shove more stuff in here. I don't mind the stuff, as long as it's nicely stacked in storage containers. I mean it's only fair that they store stuff in here, I don't live here anymore.

I also got rid of all my clothes. I still had some clothes from when I started highschool... 8 years ago. I didn't even go through the drawers and bags and piles in the closet. I've shrunk and therefore none of it would fit anyway. :) So hannah home got about 15 bags of clothes. They got a lot of red shirts.

Soon I'll go through the clothes I have at school. Some of them are too big too. Then I'll get all nervous when I realize that I have hardly any clothes. Note that I still have the same amount that fits... I just can actually SEE that I don't have many every time I open the closet.

Speaking of clothes, I saw the most gorgeous skirt the other day. So wonderful that I had to try it on. It looked great on me but I didn't have the money to spend on it. Then I decided that I liked it so much I'd buy it anyway... and now they no longer have them. Isn't that so typical? As I bagged up all my old clothes I bagged up many dresses and skirts... expensive dresses *cringe* I used to wear skirts a lot more than I do now (especially considering that after today, I don't have any). Somewhere in early high school I stopped wearing them so much. I think I'll purchase one... or two.

Oh and in the cleaning, I found some old pictures of me. I might just post a few when I get home. I made an adorable 5 year old. And for some reason when I was a baby, my hair was always in pigtails. Mom says I had so much hair it was crazy. What the hell happened to all my hair? Did it fall off somewhere in grade school?

Clean up clean up, everybody clean up

Since I moved to Huntsville, my room at my moms house has become a storage locker. It's not that fact in and of its self that bothers me; it's the way it has been done. Nothing has even been stacked properly -- things have literally just been shoved in here, and if they fell over when they got shoved, then so be it. This disturbs me a great amount.

I'm not that messy of a person. My philosophy on cleaning is if you wipe it off now, you won't have to scrub it later. Having my room like this makes it appear that it's my fault... because it's my room. The fact that I didn't put any of it in here has nothing to do with the blame being on me. This bothers me very much.

My mother moving in here after her surgery didn't help matters. What was already a horrid mess was pushed to the sides and shoved around even more so that even more junk could be piled in. There's a portable toilet next to my bed. This bothers me a lot.

Today I am going to attempt to manage some of this. I'm going to attempt to give it some since of order and reclaim so of the floor back. I'm not looking forward to this.

Hannah home and Goodwill are going to have a lot more stuff tonight.

Wish me luck.

Heads up, Third Day fans

Third Day & their label have made their new single "Cry Out to Jesus" from the upcoming CD "Wherever You Are" available for free download on their website. They've made the studio version available as well as an extended heart-wrenching version for the people who are suffering in the wake of hurricane Katrina. (Thanks to Mark for the heads up on that one).

Also, if you head on over to, you can see the three new covers for the upcoming CD. And if you preorder from them, you get a free copy of Southern Tracks. (Let me tell you, if you haven't heard Southern Tracks, it is worth the price of the CD just by itself).

I get so excited when there is new Third Day. I've already listened to the new song 6 times. I'm about to go wake my mom up to hear it -- she'll be equally excited. Did I mention I get to see them live this month? I do!

Rock on, brother

My minivan-driving brother and his wife have procured themselves a motorcycle. It's a graduation present my brother got for himself (though his wife wanted it just as much). They planned to go joy-riding this evening but by the end of dinner, their son was exhausted. My sister offered to watch him for them but it didn't look they were going to go with it.

Then my brother leaned over and asked his wife what she wanted to do. She gave him a wink and a sly smile in reply. Joy ridding they went. It was so great to see their faces light up as they put on their helmets and left my nephew sleeping on my sisters couch. You could see that that spark they have is still just as strong as it was on their wedding day.

You know, Heidi will be the first one to let you know if they're having an argument or trouble about something, but she still talks about him like he's prince charming -- even after years together. I'm glad my brother has that -- he certainly deserves it.

Rock on, Tim. The huge motorcycle totally eclipses the minivan.


Last night I had a dream that I 'accidently' ordered 2 iPods. Well, it was a set. It came from the Vaja case people and it was a set with a shuffle and a mini and matching expensive leather cases. It cost 300 dollars.

The problem is I was only looking on the site and bookmarked it but it mistakenly placed an order. Then I got it and meant to send it back, but apparently forgot. So a month later I find it in my room. And I really like it and I want to keep it... but it's 300 dollars. And who needs 3 iPods? I think I was just iPod hoarding. So I then tried to rationalize keeping it. I really wanted the mini and figured I could sell the shuffle but then the shuffle had a bright pink leather case and I didn't know who I could sell that to.

I'll also note that they didn't come with headphones/earbuds or charger cables. I thought that was a rip.

At some point in time I signed online to try to sell izzy the pink shuffle and my computer had windows and mac on it -- and it kept loading windows and it had like 5 IM clients and they all sucked and I couldn't find Adium -- it was driving me crazy.

There was also a separate dream where I was moving into dorms with 2 guys (yes, they were cute) and Ozzy Osbourne was my roommate. I also had a great collection of glassware -- I don't know where the hell that came from.

Then I was robbed. And the dorm people came to document what was stolen and I couldn't remember what they took. But apparently they took a rug, my powerbook cable, and the door knobs. The fuckers stole my doorknobs!

Sorry, I really did have something worth while to post but I've totally forgotten what that was. I'm about to head to Birmingham for the weekend. It's my dads birthday. yippie!

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