Researching weight loss surgery 3 months after I had it at 3AM

Hi, I'm awake. Yesterday left me exhausted so I hit the sac at 10 and was asleep by 11:30ish. So now I'm awake. I was actually really thirsty, that's why I got up. For a while I wasn't drinking the shitloads of water I'm supposed to drink but lately I've been getting my allotted obnoxious 64ozs. Yay.

So the computer is just too alluring. I'm gonna be up anyway -- why shouldn't I be online too? I googled hair-loss after weight-loss surgery because I lost way too much hair today. That didn't last long before I was trying to find out how to speed up my weight loss or at least what the average is. Everyone says something different.

I found one surgeons site that said the average after surgery is around 10 pounds a month for the first 2 months. Well, thats spot on with what I've lost -- but MY surgeon told me the average was 5-10 pounds a WEEK for the first month or 2. The site also said that you should not eat more than 3 meals a day and if you are not hungry you should not eat -- even if that means not eating for 2 days. I find that a little odd, but I think I might want to partially listen to it. It wasn't my nutritionist or surgeon who told me to eat lots -- it's what everyone else told me and what my support group totally jumped on me for -- OMG I'm not eating enough!

Screw that man, I can easily go down to eating way less and maybe I should. The problem is that I've read so much information, done so much research, and talked to so many different people that I have no fucking clue what I'm supposed to be doing.

And I read people saying that they average 28 pounds lost a month and I just want to scream. Some people lose more when they eat more. Some people this and some people that -- how can everyone have such polar opinions about what to do?

But you know what -- I was losing super slow even in the 2 weeks where sugar free jello was the most I could eat.

I'm writing this as I'm reading questions and answers from people who have had the surgery. I'm seeing a ton of people I'm totally jealous of -- but there's a few poor saps who are worse off than I am. That makes me feel better. Isn't that sad? Sometimes when I post about how upset I am on my blog, I like to think that maybe someone will come across it and it will make them feel better in some morbid way. I told Steph this morning that I was going to post my freak-out so that normal people could feel better about being more normal than me. So if you're out there googling weight-loss surgery -- know this: you might not lose all that fast, and the more research you do -- the more confused you will be.

But hey, I'm down 36lbs since surgery and about 48lbs since April. Damn, that really is a lot of weight. Of course I still need to lose like 120 but hey, baby steps. (Notice that I said something good about myself and follow it up with a jab. Dude, I serious have to work on that shit)


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