On the verge of an anxiety attack

Yeah, I'm freaking out. I don't want to go to class. I don't want to leave my room. I think I'd like to get back in bed under the nice covers and stare at the wall for a while. Ugh.

I'm about to be way more honest and transparent than I want to be. What am I afraid of? People. In particular mean, obnoxious people. What if I go to class and someone decides to make a joke at my expense? What if some jackass decides to taunt the overweight girl? I don't think I could handle that at all. And I guess it's always hiding in the back of my mind somewhere -- but I'll be with these people for the entire semester. And what if it's more than one person? What if I have to deal with it every day?

There will be lots of people I have to pass in the parking lot. I'll see lots of people on my way to class. And today I have 3 classes with LOTS of new people just sitting around bored. UGH. What if they make fun of me?

And I don't think you really understand the point to which this is taking me over. My stomach is in one hell of a retched knot. Anyone have any smooth muscle relaxers? PLEASE? At this point I just don't want to leave my room. And I'm almost literally afraid that I can't. I keep remembering one particular incident that happened in the math building where I just couldn't go to class. I went to the stairwell to sit and relax for a minute and just went home because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle being in a room full of people I don't know.

And yes my psychiatrist knows this and he doesn't think I need anything for it.

Ugh someone shoot me. I want to die. Kill me now -- before class starts. PLEASE.


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