I want a refund!

I have had a horrid day, so the blog is the perfect place to vent about it, right? First I couldn't sleep last night -- I can never fall asleep anymore, not that my psychiatrist cares, but lets not jump ahead. So I wake up early because I have to see my psychiatrist today -- that's why I came back home last night. So before I go there, I run by financial aid to see what the hell is wrong with them. Without going into details, it sucked. A lot. It sucked so much that I don't want to talk about it because it makes me THAT sick.

Then I was late for my psych appointment. So I went there and they give me an anxiety test -- not a good time. So I see the psych and he makes me feel even worse about the financial aid stuff. Then he asks if I'm losing weight and I told him I lost 33 pounds and he says I should be losing faster. Ok, anyone who knows me knows that I'm already freaking out about losing so slow -- really the last person I need to hear that from is my fucking psychiatrist. Then he tells me about his other patients who had the surgery and are just "melting" and he never recognizes them. So he asks me how many calories I'm getting and I estimate (because I am forbidden to count calories) and say less than a 1000 I figure. And he tells me thats too much -- even though doctors always put me on a 1200 calorie diet so I'm having less than that -- plus I'm missing 8 feet of intestines so everything I eat doesn't even count. But he tells me I'm eating too much.

Yall. My psychiatrist told me I'm eating to much and losing weight too slow. NO, I'M NOT EXAGGERATING.

So then we move into how I've been doing. Well, in a word I'm apathetic. I don't feel like doing anything -- not even things I enjoy like listening to music or watching movies or painting -- I just don't care to do anything. I do what I have to do and then feel bad because I don't have anything I need to do. He tells me that none of those things are productive and maybe in a few weeks I'd feel like doing things again. What a shitty answer from a psychiatrist.

He also told me that I shouldn't be walking in the evening like I have been. No -- oh thats so good that you're getting out and exercising. No. I should be waking up early to walk. Oh and did I mention that I eat too much and there's no reason that I shouldn't be losing more weight? I should be "melting." Just want to make sure I mention that.

Then I ran around applying for jobs everywhere and it's like a hundred fucking degrees outside.

And Computer Network Services is KILLING ME.

I want a fucking refund from the psychologist. I paid like 40 bucks for that visit. I paid 40 bucks for a man to make me feel even worse than when I came in. Why don't I just go to the old psychologist that told me I was fat and if I lost weight all my problems would be solved.


So apparently, yall, I would be super happy if I lost weight -- and even though I had my insides cut up and am eating next to nothing and exercising more than I ever have in my life -- It's not good enough.

Thanks -- glad I could drive all the way down here and pay you 40 dollars to piss me off.


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